Deep in my core, I know I am the one called the son of God, and other names throughout my various lives. I have been all sorts of humans for all sorts of reasons, usually to protect the weak, free slaves, or be a slave who comforts or martyrs for others, or... I do not send soldiers on assignments I would not do myself, other tasks I would ask of no one except myself, because no one should be ordered to do what I have done. Too cruel for me to do, though there is nothing too cruel for the intelligence agencies and revolutionaries and religions that were sucked into the vortex of my being introduced to the world.
The religious voice in a crowd. Supposed to be an actor who would play the bibles Jesus, or maybe change it.... When this first started, I put out a poem called Forgive Everyone... and was amazed by the reaction. I did not know until later, they expected people to be put to death. They had basically just taken over the world, and I was part of their mission. Until I blew it up in their face to a degree...
I write this knowing that there may be no way for me to ever walk among you again untainted by what I have done, and worse yet, what I set in motion. I can understand being the demon in your tale, the one who mesmerized you with a show on the web.... once someone sent me an address, said they thought they saw me.. it brought nothing up, of course. If I had accessed it, this would have ended, they knew that.
I cannot tell you how I mourn for the dead and the living. I tried to do what God wanted, in circumstances that had I knew what was going on, I would have acted differently. Though I know this is hard to accept, or digest, and maybe I am wrong, but I do not think so at all... the group behind me was not meant to take over this planet. If you were part of them, I understand, but most of you were brought in under false premises.... and the race war, that was nothing I would have ever wanted. You could have told me I was leading whites with beliefs I do not share, as long as they were not in a race war.... and this would have played out differently, but no.
I regret that I had to expose myself to this world, seemingly, before I could be criticized enough to get the truth off what was going on. I see now how hard all of you worked, the effort that went into all of this, how much good you wanted to do, and how surprised and betrayed you must have felt by me. I could not take the mantles though. I did not buy that all these people thought I was Jesus, because of the shitty way I was treated.
I am grateful God did not allow criminals to take over the earth... glad he kept me ignorant. Glad I made the wrong decisions because of this ignorance. I am horrified by what my work spawned, though I am also hopeful we can take the country to the left, still... I was heartened when after all this, the kids want socialism. That was unheard of before our efforts. This can be nurtured. I do not want the dead to have died in vain, or the spirit of revolution, if not God, to be destroyed by my actions...
I pray I can still be of service in the context I have explained, and of course you know, some, i am in a position to do so. Should the occasion arise, though I am much less bloody than I was when I thought I was fighting for my life against monolithic powers I could not comprehend. When I sat in my rose garden smoking weed, while all around my high walls blood was shed in my name. People were put into slavery, an worked as slaves, all in my name. The people have to be won over by revolutionaries, not destroyed by them.... but I knew nothing of your divisions.... the stupidity and lies of the media came home to roost...
when that was all I knew.
There are battles I wish we had taken on for the right reasons, England to free the people, return the Gold, stop BP from pirating the world. To stop war would have been a reason to do many things I did not think I had the ability to have a voice in, when my bathroom shower curtain was filled with roaches each morning, and both my cats died as a result of spraying. I sure felt like I was making decisions for anyone... Lord. I had a lot of mental walls built up around me, by people I wanted to trust, to hold onto as the reality in this unreal world... I speak of when this first started.
In the end, I do not recognize what this became, and never saw myself as the agency in these actions, except when the trains and car crashes started be talking of... I thought they were signs I did something wrong, but I had no idea what... I pray that was faked. Just like Ralph was a fictional creation. I know otherwise. I would heal you if I knew how, though I have never tried such a thing. My thinking is much more scientific than most people who are prone toward believing in Jesus.
I know India and Ireland felt harsher hatred than I did.... I was just slamming the monarchy, as I always did, thinking I was ignored again... I remembered in 07 when they called me out for insulting the queen, but Jesus hardly gave a damn about such things. I did not know the ramifications of my words... if I had, I would have concentrated on the states, first, and not went anywhere else. We could have done nothing though, more than likely, because there is too much dissension among people.
Can this be over come again? They tell me I brought everyone together at first, then it fell apart. They said, YOU USED TO BE PRETTY GOOD AT COLLAGES... THEY meant metaphorically, I started making actual collages, not great ones, that did not help at all. I have the city terrified to this day I am going to harm them, due to the scientific side of me... or the religious side of me -- which is what I fear, the lava and lightening I saw in my vision flowing from my body, that takes out everything... I do not want this to be that life... that mercy killing, or soul culling, or whatever. God is in charge of that. I would not begin to know how to trigger such a thing. Just my religious belief, nothing to be alarmed over.
People fear death, so they fear the end of the world. I do not fear death, got my evidence there are souls by astral projecting, meeting a ghost, and being sent dreams that came true too many times for coincidence, though not brainwashing. I know I was brainwashed into having the Jesus voice, but this did not change me in my deepest morals, they were always the same... they gave me a context I would have never chosen, being Jesus. They also told some I was an alien. Hmmm. I told them both were true, but not in the ways they thought.
I saw supernatural introduce a character trying to tell me people were doing the things I wrote about, which they would later do with Castiel and others. Thankful to them, I am. They go thru great stress, just knowing about these things, though they told me hard truths, i was not often ready to accept them as true. The episode was hard to write, because they were introducing God, though not saying it at the time, who they based on me to the point that when he left, he was writing a book about revolution, like I was... it is interesting they got rid of God. There is never a Jesus in any of these.. I sometimes wonder if that is the Jewish bias, or just that he would be superman with no one to counter him, so no conflict.
I keep thinking of Jessica Jones on netflix, a superhero show, where a character was based on me, who manipulated all these people, and... wore purple -- purple and yellow were the colors they used for me the most, the son and the king... I did not like the King part... and they quickly enough did not want me for the Disney King... always monarchies in those, because they have one in the underground I suppose. Or did. Anyways, in this episode they had him end with gays, who supported me throughout, but stayed with me longer than most, after things got bad, because I had said they were angels at one point, having no idea how seriously I was going to be taken, in an attempt to stop teen suicide rates among gays.... I should have cleared that up, but... I did not think my life was happening. I thought two people knew about me... and then others knew something, more than me... some...
I just wanted to say, once more, john cusack, I can say I am not God the father, but I cannot say I am not Jesus, or that this means something..... what it means, and why I am here is unclear to me, though I am going to assume it is to clean up as much of the earthly problems as possible. God is in charge of what happens to souls, and everything else. A cop out it sounded like coming from me....
When I first started hearing what happened, I said God did this.... I have come around to MEN did this.... God is behind the ultimate plan maybe, but maybe part of it is establishing justice on earth.....
