I feel lightening and fire low in my gut
ready to explode and flow across the planet
turn earth and sky into death
still feel like I am only a bomb
the messenger of worlds end
bringer of freedom for all spirits to fly
a message of forgiveness for everywhere
a conformation you are soul and can be
unencumbered by the gravity of life
sucking us back here
again and again
is this a soul trap I wondered once
that gives us a harsh life
until it dies
all for reasons I cannot begin to dream of
or random chaos in a mess of space
bits of matter coalescing throughout infinite time
into every conceivable form
our lives on earth one fleeting spark in the dark of space
unseen and gone as if we never happened
molecules that gathered once now adrift
never again to assume the same patterns
in infinity
where everything can forever begin anew
the religions wanted me once
Now they call me a fallen angel
though I denied being an angel from the start
I wish I had never uttered the word
wish I had never made the mistake of making people believe
I wished their lives regimented by me
HAD i KNOWN
Echoes forever in my mind
I am never far from mourning and regret and horror
I think of all the blood spilled by my ignorance
you kept me imprisoned
for reasons I never suspected
I could not accept who i am to you
I tried to see myself as you did and am blinded
by the horrors I remember when the sword was picked up
and those I merely meant to criticize fell victim
to people who took the revolution I wrote of
to be theocracy
The Jesus in me was a rebel against you all
And the intrusions made into my life by hollywood
and television ... God, had I known you were broadcasting me
when I found out I went crazy
it was the sight of me in my green robe standing in front of my dresser
set in the only empty spot in the apartment
that drove home to me that all along average people
were watching me
not just spies
or....
worshiping me
and they were racking in the money
I thought I might get some of that until I found out
what I was famous for
atrocities under my watch
failure to give orders when asked
infamous
Still I went out in the end and fought for the president
who thought he was my enemy
or was in the secret world I knew nothing about
You gave me years of hints and used my life until
I just gave up on the two ever
meeting, the tv world and my real life
there were unsettling moments
like the summer differently dressed people were showing up in the park
I had said something about people being brought in to meet me if they wanted
but it had to be everyone not just rich people
at the time I believed and knew most of the time
still drifting in and out of the Christ
becoming
took ten years
a decade
because my teachers were afraid to impart their secrets
U gave me a choice
said here is the way the world works
come on in
but know you gonna see shit
you can do nothing about
from your mansion on the hill
I decided to turn away from your Gold and look up into the skies
knowing there is another watching
seeing
there will be another day
when this moment is forgotten
I am clean
gravitating toward a force of love
far from here
I did what was morally right and was mocked
burn the money I told them
wishing to show this world is temporary
make a statement
I had no idea how much money was there
was thinking too irrationally
to realize much good could have been done
too uninformed
too invested in fighting
the people bugging me
putting my life on tv
I hated that
to think
my
life
was
watched
I made the best of it
I rise to the occasion to survive
I would never subject a human
to such torture
when you said I wanted that
I wanted to kill you so bad
I still feel hate when I think of this
I did not understand at the time why
at on point yo you ma liked me
and the next turned on me
you kept me so ignorant
I felt for awhile like there is a path to God
with enemies along the way
that a shepherd was needed to get there
before the big bang
now
freed perhaps
because of the pain of your planets
the sympathy of a God
done in his time from a place with no time
a God who sends
a bit of a helper
out
who gets called a son
though unworthy in a way
you will only understand when you see
what I have seen
the immensity of the physical apparition
given as an icon
created as a machine
I have no idea
maybe a higher form
created a place of refuge for souls
another mystery out there
though one that would no longer bother us
the love left saying more then we could ever understand
we know
