I see david cross named his new tour OH COME ON and saw the beginning of one where he referred to a couple things I wrote about, twisting them into something I did not say, and then criticizing that. A friendly, unquestioning crowd laughs and says look he is right you know.
And in a way he is. I was introduced in two thousand and six as Christ and regret all kinds of things I said.... I did not really believe anyone would think I was Christ, really... and not act like one. I told myself, if I am this thing, then it is Scott, me...
I said a lot of things for impact, a performance. Said things I did not mean.
The first stage after the brainwashing was to be in LOVE with everyone. I thought this would somehow be returned, yet no one came to pick me up and accept me. I began to think it would never happen, so I wrote that I did not want it to happen, that I wanted a normal life, because this was the narrative of the psychological game I was playing, tricking people into thinking I was getting my way, when it was not happening anyways, like being contacted by big stars and agents, who would have helped me immensely to sell out... God had other plans.
I would change things to avoid what happened if I could, but thinking I know better than God ... or even second guessing that it would not have been worse. I would not have wanted to fullfill some right wing dream that I did share in the least. That did matter to them, as long as I went along. They were sure fame and money would work, but they underestimated taking a moral man and making him even more moral.
I sat down here to write that Cross is right, Oh Come On applies to a lot of what happened. This is what happens with cults, when individuals stop thinking for themselves, no matter how good that might feel. Thinking for yourself requires stress.
A God has their own motives for doing what he does, or none at all perhaps... I pretended, and often felt might be true, all kinds of things in those first few months, then thought that all died down.
I wrote from the fighting spirit. I knew something huge had happened, that was not just me, but something else altogether, and I knew that this was not some tv show...
the movie BOLT came out quick, trying to discredit me. There were certainly theatrics, I was being watched, I reacted by being overly dramatic I see now, though this felt perfectly natural at the time, real.... people clapped. Now I always think, if only I had went up and talked to them, pumped these people for information. I thought if I said I was Jesus to anyone they would react like those around me who considered me nuts, or pretended to...
I saw all the signs, and ignored them. I rebelled against God only knows what.... nothing, really. Just mad. I was a baby.
I look through now and wonder if I have any influence, as I always have... now this time I know there is some, who they are, and am better versed on who the others seem to be. I am finally beginning to see who I think is friend and foe. I am on the side of JUSTICE and will not lower that standard to be someones ally... think you are the chosen people or race or whatever, fine, but we need to fight this class war together, or we will lose it together. We will have time and resources after this to heal, and find a way to raise our future in peace, before we kill the planet.
i KNOW I am thin skinned about some things, or they have implanted certain things in my head that trigger things.... when I criticized trump one of the first times, someone came on and said, leave trump alone... we have already seen your song and dance. Only very occasionally will someone who knows about my intelligence activity accesses me on facebook, they probably stop that from happening, because I learn more from critics.... they learned that lesson well when during my interrogations I learned of crimes by being accused of them....
Now I am vilified. I saw on a tv show as guy who made all these people do horrible things, including a race war..... when in reality, I was the center of this huge intelligence operation, and what they thought were orders from me, were coming from the same people pulling my strings. You hate some puppet who does not even understand why.... unless you believe lies about me, then I have sympathy for you. My present plans are inescapable. You gave away how you are running the world, satan, to the only being here powerful enough to stop the king of angels .... on earth. I disdain kings, that is pretty obvious... I was willing to be one if I had to, but....
I think of Jessica Jones and the episode where the character who made them do things, with his scent, instead of hollywood, the cia, the catholic church, and growing wings, maybe.. whoever does not matter to me. The last people with the guy, and they used a dr who guy, because dr who did a huge episode about killing an army that worked with me, that totally confused me at the time.... but I had no idea what was going on with england, not being a pirate. I had people who would not believe my writing, just the rosarch test.
I wrote something a couple years about give me some money and let me go write, and the catholic church can hide my writing.... the next day on my feed I see a sign saying FALLEN ANGELS ASK FOR MONEY... they call me and the people I worked with fallen angels, and many acted like they were. Again, confusion. I had little clue why people were doing what they were at first, and by the time I could accept it, I said how I felt and was still ignored, like about Jerry Fallwell... and I did not miss that vonneguet, who I wrote about, seemed to have died that night.
There is so much that runs thru my mind all time... like the heart attack on david lettterman, which I had no idea was from side I was on.... wolf, ram, and heart are real... to some degree, or in the states. They are trying to tell me I destroyed Heart, which would be alright for the left, from what I can tell, though the power vacuum worries me.
I was later portrayed as a mascot for the blacks, not fighting or in the game, just cheering them on, a chaplin at best.... and there was more truth in that then I wanted to consider. I had always been the man who used words, who gave the speeches and sermons that killed, wove the lies and propaganda that created armies from thin air... no, not all.
The first army was there. Stunned and helped convince me. Think JOHN CUSACK, if you had been thru all that, would you have went on film, as you asked of me, to say I was not God, no matter what i BELIEVE..... would you if the God had given you the burden of being his son and you knew this and to deny God is the sin you wish to avoiI
Time to continue with the topic of CRITICS, AND ONCE MORE SETH GROGEN, and this time it is sausage party.... they were getting rid of kills by making them into sausage, and joked about this to me, and I could fucking not believe how things operated... I was in the big time and they were killing enemies... I did not want to believe they were literal, found out later they were and by then did not care, the killing lust was all I wanted fulfilled them, the only orgasm fucking blood.
Grogen, or more correctly the CIA, and others, and him... told me a lot. I cannot watch his films, but did this is the end, which talked about me, and said I led a cannibal cult, after masterbating.... which caused chaos when this was filmed, and I did not realize you were showing the whole fucking world my living room......
Forgiving that is another one of those, so many had it worse things that I let it go, but there are some I hold most responsible, and those who convinced you i wanted filmed all the time and to give orders are among the worst. Not the people who were convinced, but the convincers.
ALL THAT I HATED THEY MADE ME OUT TO BE.... THIS IS WHY THEY KEPT ME IGNORANT... UNDERSTAND THIS OR NONE OF MY WORDS, I FEEL, ARE GOING TO MATTER... THE ENEMY WILL HAVE TURNED YOU AGAINST ME with bob dylan the most selfish and arrogant prick in the world, says he is friends of mexicans and gays, trying to take my place... after I found myself fighting my own allies, to stop a race war.
Who convinced you I wanted to see car crashes.... that the train of pain was not a metaphor... this was not chaos. John Hamm, saying his leader smokes and looks out his back door. I did not know what side you were on, what you were trying to do..... stood there and heard that and thought, I would do what is best if I knew what was going on....
By the time the obvious become known, and I debased myself to drive you away, and instead became the focus of the world in a mortifying manner that made me lose forty pounds, but I learned more than ... you look I still see at this as a point of loss. Yet from this we rose to the point of having the country. I know lives were lost, and I know they are better off dead than alive... though I am sorry they died. For you. i THEN realized that all this time, the world had seen me
I wish to God I had realized this at a different time. People had spoken to me directly on tv before, but this was different. I saw me, from the perspective of the tv, wearing the ratty green fucking housecoat I used to wear because I did not give a fuck how spies saw me, thought the writing was what I did, and watching me was their way of trying to drive me crazy, as was mimic my actions....for the most part. The young girl saying fuck made me think that saying fuck will not make you smarter, the use of cursing was just indicative of higher intelligence and teaching kids to curse could cause problems.... and I could see this Epiphany come at me a wall of trash, compacted paper, newspapers and posters... and they are all blood red, as it gets closer I see body parts... everything I said had been taken wrong.
I apologize to the walls on this one. The mex think I have chosen their enemy. Too many think this. I do not see any people as evil or damned or chosen or unchosen.... Skin tone and religion, etcetera, are not individuals, who is what I am forced to judge by, and my live and let live is infinite. Almost...
