You must first learn who your audience is, before you can preach, do comedy, drama, get a job, keep a job, make it through life with any finesse at all. We must morph from being to being to deal with the different situations arise, from the wise person when asked an honest question by a child, to an monster when physically attacked, to a lover seeing beyond all conditions, to... Jung called them archetypes; giving faces and stories to these sides of oneself sometimes makes it easier to call up the right person for the situation, especially if fear is chaining our warrior side when it is needed... I went thru various modes of training teaching me about these sides, and they help in my fiction... and life, a bit. Though most of my reactions come without thought.
My audience wants to know who and what I am. The government introduced me to the world as an alien Jesus... or one or both or... it was confusing to me, who felt like Jesus, and was in essence also an alien, though I felt under attack... and lied to confuse my enemy, to promote people who had been harmed by our society, or were getting screwed. This is why when I first became famous I made fun of white people a lot, but I meant it more this person is embarrassing my entire race. When it comes to revolution, the oppressed, who the newspapers lie about, and who are imprisoned when they are innocent, and out of work, are your army. I live in Chicago and drove cab, lived in black neighborhoods before and left with only great memories, and met people who ripped me off of all colors, though I never stereotyped the next customer who shared their race with the criminal I ran into. And I got ripped off a lot in the taxi, especially in Toledo, where people jumped out and ran, because there was no bus service, the blacks were all crammed into this shitty housing the government isolated from everything, near the dead downtown... blacks did this, to the point drivers would not pick them up. This was happening four or five times a week. The blacks pretty much hated the whites and the system. The town is prejudice as hell, companies I worked for flat out did not hire blacks. A terrible situation,,,, in Chicago, that barely ever happened, and it was all races. Drunks usually, though the occasional robbery, etc.
I had seen blacks get treated like shit my whole life, studied military intelligence under a communist who was considered the Jewish black panther, a huge figure in the revolutionary movement of the sixties, a young professor then, who saw his black comrades shot down in their sleep. I also took his classes on hip hop and black culture. I read of their struggle, still going on, and feel anyone who is oppressed deserves all the help I can give them, because that is justice, and being the kind of person I want to be.... so you started taping us, hoping for Jesus to pull the whole world together as planned, and instead getting a person who would not go along with you creating a Christ to lead to a one world government led by the king of kings....
You wanted a champion for white people. The elite. Christians. An Ayn Rand in a prophets robe. I wanted a better world. You just want the world for yourselves.
I am regretful that I lost my allies south of the boarder. Regretful I did not have time to think about opening the boarders, as I would have done with more intelligence... they told me I left five and a half million at the boarder. I never would have done such a thing had a known.
I remember often the day I realized this grand conspiracy I thought was swirling around me came down to a webcam in my apartment that all these people had access to, not just the news that hinted around about what I wrote. A man was holding up a child and she was saying FUCK. FUCK. ETC. I had written about how studies show intelligent people curse more, and curse myself a bit. I did not however expect that to morph into letting children curse, because it is important to learn when it appropriate and when not... etc... but this image came as the actor looked straight in my eye, wanting to talk to me directly through the bugged tv. I seldom did this, tried to ignore the people watching me because I hated when they reacted to me... with their little coded phrases. Then it flashed in my mind, an image the tv had of late flashed me, and one was me getting dressed, and for awhile I was wearing a woman's housecoat because frankly we had no other housecoat to wear. I did not think anyone would see me. They thought I was doing some stripper show for a webcam reality series, or some did. I felt sordid and used in that moment. My anger was not at the people from the show or the side the represented, because I loved that show and it unbeknownst to me showed my allies, the whites, gays, and Mexicans. I am honored that I had their approval. I am sorry I did not realize everyone could see me.
My actions were often a big fuck you to the enemies in the tv. I did not know what the hell was going on so I tried to appear scary and mysterious. I was still strongly feeling the voice of Jesus filling me, and my writing seemed to soar from the inspiration... that was supposed to be my truth. I gave up the material world to work on the writing, gave up practically everything. Then I find though I am bugged in the bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, and living room, that you found me on one camera masterbating was supposed to be a big deal to the people bugging me? I always thought there was some kind of filter, spies watching me, telling people things... I never in a million years would have thought I was famous and had this weird show that many felt was a new religion in the making, etc... others a revolution... others... They were right, though I was too distant from them to know these things. When I found out I was shocked.
I was so angry that I wrote about these shows, after hearing I had damaged the one because of what I wrote, and almost got another killed when I opened myself up to a BURN by telling people to do their worst to lampoon me, and people who look at me as a religious and political figure thought snl went to far and one prominent conservative advocating killing them and I had to say no to this three times... I wrote against the skits Saturday night did on me. Only after I was pissed to find out there was webcam into my apartment.
Things became stranger when I found out some people were living underground, as I wrote about in a short story which was not meant to be instructional, merely a short story I wrote... and before I knew I was the Christ. I was hidden in an angel who the Pilates of this world would never recognize as their enemy, the son of man. The Son Of God. After I knew who I was again, a shock of recognition that happens in every life I lead, after the time I live as a human, thinking I am human, to learn of the times I am in, the language I must use, the issues I must address. This time is easier than most... I think, because I believe I am here to end life on the planet. A mercy killing, that will release every soul on this planet, and remove the gravity of reincarnating back to earth, freeing the souls for the miraculous journey through space, as they are drawn toward an incredibly indescribable, warm, honey colored love emanating from God.
I was told by a friend out of the blue, who called to tell me two things in code.... They amounted to him telling me he saw a science fiction book about people living under ground, and when some came up they were so pissed they had to be shot. I did not know until that second that people had been living underground, though later I would even hear a Christian song mention THE FAITHFUL LIVING UNDERGROUND... then he mention two CIA murderers had gone fishing at the pier, and caught a salmon and a trout. That was the end of the conversation. I had no idea what he meant by fishing until I was told the next day my followers were being killed, and they seemed to think I wanted this to happen, questioned me on the topic, and at one point yelled BUSTED when they thought I admitting knowing this... I grieve for these people and ... I wish I had been able to meet them and talk to them. They would be alive today, but that was not part of the plan that I was a pawn within.
I did a painting I THOUGHT of as a warrior angel flying through space with a flock of fish, and was told by my connections people thought this looked like sending warriors after the fish... and they were being killed. I heard the tv one day tell me outright, YOUR PEOPLE ARE AFRAID... I was shocked, thinking I had people at all, and started telling them they had nothing to fear from me. I might yell at spies and let this incredible anger at having my life destroyed and knowing the horrors the cia and others did to bait me into a war... to learn people let their children watch, or even required as much. One sentence they told me, something about people studying my behavior for signs, and spending like every evening meeting, boggled my mind so much that to this day I do not have the balls to think about it too much yet. My mind literally swims at the thought of being watched to the extent I was. And to think that people were reacting so strongly to me when I thought I was being marginalized or used, was a mistake. I should have been told everything.
I keep remembering how they portrayed me as a pirate, when I wrote of revolution and said pirate if you have to, thinking of computer programs... after writing about a peaceful revolution run on our computers. This led to people taking money from people for a fund that if it had been used right could have funded later revolutionaries... But I was never in this for the money, and was never sure why I was portrayed as a pirate. Theft is not something I am comfortable with at all. This is ANOTHER reason I refused this money when it was offered to me, after a certain faction was stopped from taking over the states inadvertently by me, though an even worse group got in of course, I knew it had blood on it and was stolen. I thought I would make my fortune elsewhere now that I had all this fame.
I kept thinking it was only a matter of time before I would make money off my talents, but no... the pirate thing made people think I had tens of millions of dollars, but the real people in charge had all that money, I never saw a dime of it, or even really kind of believed it existed. I told them to give it to charities, though again, it should have went to revolutionary forces, not the people it did, who used the money for reasons that should not have been needed. They were owed money for services set up by the CIA and that is over. In my heart I have forgiven them, though I do not expect the same... at the very least they know I will never reveal their secrets.
You asked me a lot of questions I never answered over the years....I would have responded differently to them had I known my audience, had I known that the world was in my living with me and I had no control over the matter... that people even thought I wanted this. The thought made me murderous.
THE rape victim told I DESERVED IT because I wore a short skirt.
yo you ma playing with a singer riffing on how no one would be watching me when I WAS DEAD... I wanted to be dead instead of watched, but I was not going to let you kill me over what you did to me without serious fucking consequences to the bastards who attacked me. I did not want to die, I wanted to live to fight another day.
They suggested I kill myself so many times, even saying that was the way I would want it, to die with my soldiers. I did not want to die, not did I know the values of the people I was fighting with. One day I turned on the news to see this dog in trouble, and they were making out like this was me, because they called me a dog, and during this period something happened to put me in danger, though I only figured out what that was later.... these cats all wanted the dog to die. I later found out the philosophy of these dogs, and learned they do not believe in mix races marriages, and just said flat out, I am not a dog. The CIA show Mcfarlane runs on Fox showed the Chinese bringing in cats to a fight between blacks and the CIA, which actually happened in the underground, and I worked with Fox a lot for awhile.. I realized then that out of all these groups, I was a cat... the Chinese had always been there for me during my time in intelligence, supporting my leftist views, and allowing me to become a huge figure there with my literature and religion, to the point bibles are allowed in and Christian churches sprouted up all over, many studying my new writing, as was the CHURCH OF THE NEW CHRIST which worshipped me, something best reserved for God, because I am but a false Icon of God... his majesty is beyond anything I would want.
I bow to God alone on this planet, though I will use the Chinese greeting of nodding in respect with hands held together, as long as it is mutual. Chevy Chase and I did this to one another, after I realized the webcam went back and forth. For a long list of reasons, his character on community represented me.... a poor representation at best, though one which describes the family I come from, who I was stereotyped with, though I did not know them nor share their prejudices or blood lust.
They used tv heavily for a few years to get me messages about what was going on. I was technically a hostage of the blacks, taken after the whites made a play to harm them, which I did not find out about until years later, that fell apart.
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