So like so many in the entertainment business, Bowie chose to put his worthless two cents into the propaganda machine against me. He came closer than most at least, acknowledging the brainwashing, saying I died and then I AM. took over my life.
That much is partially true. Being brainwashed was one of the worst experiences of my life, and the results... too much for me to bear, without the always adjacent thought of 'so many had it worse I have no room to bitch...' though of course I do.
The idea that I wanted to be surveilled all the time is where the problems started. Hiding from me the extent of my fame, after making me homeless and leaving me in excruciating pain, not to mention what was being done by groups I named as FORGIVEN.... I felt everyone should be forgiven, that was the first thought I had after the brainwashing, which was followed by another hospitalization. And perhaps another, I forget. The period for me was one of feeling hunted, and wanting to kill.... to destroy...
I HAD NEVER had such thoughts prior to this, though I am now told my brain was washed through out my life, which makes sense of things non-sensical.
I WANT TO ADDRESS his comment I am not a gangster. I had no clue people's money was being taken from them, because I sure never saw a dime of it, and could have used it at times... people think I wanted that... then answer me why I said, at what in hindsight is another thing I would not have done that day, was to say attack the mob. That and the masturbation film changed everything, taking me down a dark path when I finally was told what the hell was happening.
I wrote sensationalistic shit to promote a radio show, and part of that was driving cab for a mobbed up bunch. That was my only dealing with them. I refused stolen blood money twice... again not exactly how a mobster would act. I believed I was having a spiritual war with a world I could not comprehend. I FELT like I HAD been shunted aside, and for some reason the tv people, some, seemed to be working with me, educating people on certain things, fighting homophobia, racism, anti-Semitism. I wrote this all the time, yet.... behind my back were the various groups, who AT FIRST I just seemed to feel like everyone was a criminal, hearing what I did...
I am done trying to convince people of the truth. Too many know so much more than me and no one is talking. I do not give a damn about being hated anymore. That is your problem. I am going to do my best to ignore such things. I can't always, but I will try to love where there is hate when possible.
I HAVE said all this way too many times.... but people thinking I was a Nazi, that was horrifying and took my words out of context. I did not even know how powerful the Nazi's were, let alone that they worked with me. All of those revelations were a horror to me. Churches based on looking at my life and thinking I was giving messages was so beyond the scope of what I knew.
I was the one who stopped the excesses. Or tried to. I did not just go along like I would have were the charges against me true. I have had a live and let live philosophy in my life, mostly, though the very act of writing something down makes a didactic at times, and my criticism, which I thought had no power, seemed to have.
I now will use my power for what I consider good. You by now should understand my politics have been the same practically since I was a child. My only changes have been on gun control, which knowing what I know now, I believe the second amendment is needed.
Fukishama released 777 tons of toxic waste into the Pacific ocean. I wrote two weeks before that tsunami a bad cruel joke, about nuking Japan over the dolphin slaughters. I wanted the slaughters stopped.... I was not sure how much control I had over things like the weather, etc. I think if it comes down to it you all are going to be pretty damned surprised by what I can do, though I have a hell of a lot more control than I let on. I was psychologically at war with people who wanted to care about me, wanted me to act as their role model, etc... when I was certainly in no state for such a thing, and part of what I felt was a rebellion against a monolithic government that was constantly fucking with me, at home thru the tv which would make me sound nuts to anyone I told it to. I read over what I wrote and see the brainwashing, how I was changed....
I would have been a better person had I known you had people involved in a church based upon me. I could design a great church, better than any out there, should I choose to, though I do not. Religion is a corruption of faith for some, and a catalyst for others. I do not agree 100% with any religion, and now refuse to be a part of them for this reason. The bible is a ridiculous document if you take it too seriously. Without historical perspective on the people and times, let alone the metaphors taken as the 'truth' is just stupid. I do not know what my status is with you people at this point.
I have decided that all of you are right. I am white. I take the 'white' side so to speak. I ADVOCATE FOR ALL PEOPLE... and do not think whites are better, and I think races should mix, frankly, as much as possible, not to dilute other cultures, but to be enriched by both. Rather see a black and white marriage of love than a war of hate.
I will not fight on either side in a race war, unless it looks like one side is going to slaughter the other. Like was happening with the blacks. When you told me that I ordered you to have a race war.... the insanity of this was obviously catching. Now I fear the madness I evoked, and feel partially responsible for tRump, having fought against the entire system at the time. I made a mistake, more than likely, but ramping up talk about a war with Russia was terrifying to me, and I thought that is what she was doing... plus all belief in the system left me when they screwed sanders, the only left wing candidate to really rise since perhaps Carter.
I AM I AM I AM. This I cannot change. I believe I have been being reborn and helping steer humanity since before you were humans, and many other things.... but I do not know anything about angels and demons. I do believe in miracles, my deaths and coming back to life, living through having an open artery bleeding inside me that miraculously stopped.... a first in human history at that point. How can such things be explained? I am not normal, obviously. I do not care about any of these things, and do not need others to believe what I believe, and in fact would prefer they find their own paths. If I can be of any help, it must always be with the knowledge that facts will make me change my mind. I would not write anything in stone, besides the Golden Rule. That is enough for me.
I know I sound like an apologist for myself. I am. No one else seems to give a shit about the truth.
Wednesday, February 12, 2020
Sunday, February 2, 2020
there is nothing i can say to heal the wounds
raise the dead
no miracles only destruction
belief without purpose
leadership takers and users
no miracles only destruction
belief without purpose
leadership takers and users
bowie's Blackstar where he brings up the questions on some minds in 015.
He get's it right that I died the night I was brainwashed and I AM came into this world... though I slowly came back to myself, over a long period of time.... what is left, is enough. If others are still committed I will not let them down... I do not wish to be used like a slave. The display is not going to see anymore than my boring life, as it should and would have, had I been left alone.... no, chosen one, had to fly even when I did not know how, on wings long clipped/or an illusion long tripped.
I am not a gangster. Before I thought I was ever going to amount to anything, I wrote what I thought would get the show noticed, not that which I wished to write in stone. I don't want anything except the history that can be measured with a ruler to apply to my life. Opinions do not matter, experiences in the past do.... I WOULD NEVER have told people to give If I meant money, I meant to give off themselves, the metaphor.... I never could have imagined what was going on, and when I found out my reaction was to try to stop what they were doing.... which I see as ruinous, with my limited view.
This all seems to fly over my head in certain moods. I am not 'connected' anymore... writing waking up jesus, and in the voice, flew me high.... I M not a porn star .,.. I was too depressed to give a shit about what I wore... you thought I wanted to appeal in this way which had never entered my mind.... then expect me to get back in line. You tell me I am a marvel star. I will never accept any of this. I am none of these things, merely a smart guy who was brainwashed, and had no control of the chain of command, or understanding his words were killing, enslaving, unmentionable hells for some. I cannot take responsibility for what has been done with my art, I can do what I must to try to redeem myself. I do not expect or deserve your forgiveness, you are not the judge of my soul, merely, at times, my actions. I will lead those who still follow to think for themselves, act with Justice alone as their commander.... the Golden Rule, and no more complex than that.... this is all one needs. Or just survival in the coming world, or the now, to continue to fight... my plan. I will never be a destructive force of the sort feared... cannot see any way of that really happening.... delusions and dreams aside, I do not want to kill millions of people to make some damn statement or to make a side in a race war win, not going to happen...
On the day of execution, on the day of execution
Only women kneel and smile, ah ah, ah ah
At the center of it all, at the center of it all
Your eyes
Your eyes
Only women kneel and smile, ah ah, ah ah
At the center of it all, at the center of it all
Your eyes
Your eyes
Ah ah ah
Ah ah ah
Ah ah ah
In the villa of Ormen, in the villa of Ormen
Stands a solitary candle, ah-ah, ah-ah
At the center of it all, at the center of it all
Your eyes
Stands a solitary candle, ah-ah, ah-ah
At the center of it all, at the center of it all
Your eyes
Your eyes
Ah ah ah
Something happened on the day he died
Spirit rose a metre then stepped aside
Somebody else took his place, and bravely cried
(I'm a blackstar, I'm a blackstar)
Spirit rose a metre then stepped aside
Somebody else took his place, and bravely cried
(I'm a blackstar, I'm a blackstar)
How many times does an angel fall?
How many people lie instead of talking tall?
He trod on sacred ground, he cried loud into the crowd
(I'm a blackstar, I'm a blackstar, I'm not a gangster)
How many people lie instead of talking tall?
He trod on sacred ground, he cried loud into the crowd
(I'm a blackstar, I'm a blackstar, I'm not a gangster)
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