I am trying to digest what has happened
Determine future courses
Cautious now over cavalier
to lead a people thru this forest of dense lies
my boulder pushed up the mountain day after day as the vultures feed on my flesh
not as much of a burden as might be imagined and more than your brain will let
you imagine
the hurts beyond words
we feel before we settle down and get things together again
then only do we feel the naked horror of existence
the futures possible we put from our mind to stay at ease
Saturday, September 30, 2017
Saturday, April 15, 2017
Clearing Up A Few Things
You must first learn who your audience is, before you can preach, do comedy, drama, get a job, keep a job, make it through life with any finesse at all. We must morph from being to being to deal with the different situations arise, from the wise person when asked an honest question by a child, to an monster when physically attacked, to a lover seeing beyond all conditions, to... Jung called them archetypes; giving faces and stories to these sides of oneself sometimes makes it easier to call up the right person for the situation, especially if fear is chaining our warrior side when it is needed... I went thru various modes of training teaching me about these sides, and they help in my fiction... and life, a bit. Though most of my reactions come without thought.
My audience wants to know who and what I am. The government introduced me to the world as an alien Jesus... or one or both or... it was confusing to me, who felt like Jesus, and was in essence also an alien, though I felt under attack... and lied to confuse my enemy, to promote people who had been harmed by our society, or were getting screwed. This is why when I first became famous I made fun of white people a lot, but I meant it more this person is embarrassing my entire race. When it comes to revolution, the oppressed, who the newspapers lie about, and who are imprisoned when they are innocent, and out of work, are your army. I live in Chicago and drove cab, lived in black neighborhoods before and left with only great memories, and met people who ripped me off of all colors, though I never stereotyped the next customer who shared their race with the criminal I ran into. And I got ripped off a lot in the taxi, especially in Toledo, where people jumped out and ran, because there was no bus service, the blacks were all crammed into this shitty housing the government isolated from everything, near the dead downtown... blacks did this, to the point drivers would not pick them up. This was happening four or five times a week. The blacks pretty much hated the whites and the system. The town is prejudice as hell, companies I worked for flat out did not hire blacks. A terrible situation,,,, in Chicago, that barely ever happened, and it was all races. Drunks usually, though the occasional robbery, etc.
I had seen blacks get treated like shit my whole life, studied military intelligence under a communist who was considered the Jewish black panther, a huge figure in the revolutionary movement of the sixties, a young professor then, who saw his black comrades shot down in their sleep. I also took his classes on hip hop and black culture. I read of their struggle, still going on, and feel anyone who is oppressed deserves all the help I can give them, because that is justice, and being the kind of person I want to be.... so you started taping us, hoping for Jesus to pull the whole world together as planned, and instead getting a person who would not go along with you creating a Christ to lead to a one world government led by the king of kings....
You wanted a champion for white people. The elite. Christians. An Ayn Rand in a prophets robe. I wanted a better world. You just want the world for yourselves.
I am regretful that I lost my allies south of the boarder. Regretful I did not have time to think about opening the boarders, as I would have done with more intelligence... they told me I left five and a half million at the boarder. I never would have done such a thing had a known.
I remember often the day I realized this grand conspiracy I thought was swirling around me came down to a webcam in my apartment that all these people had access to, not just the news that hinted around about what I wrote. A man was holding up a child and she was saying FUCK. FUCK. ETC. I had written about how studies show intelligent people curse more, and curse myself a bit. I did not however expect that to morph into letting children curse, because it is important to learn when it appropriate and when not... etc... but this image came as the actor looked straight in my eye, wanting to talk to me directly through the bugged tv. I seldom did this, tried to ignore the people watching me because I hated when they reacted to me... with their little coded phrases. Then it flashed in my mind, an image the tv had of late flashed me, and one was me getting dressed, and for awhile I was wearing a woman's housecoat because frankly we had no other housecoat to wear. I did not think anyone would see me. They thought I was doing some stripper show for a webcam reality series, or some did. I felt sordid and used in that moment. My anger was not at the people from the show or the side the represented, because I loved that show and it unbeknownst to me showed my allies, the whites, gays, and Mexicans. I am honored that I had their approval. I am sorry I did not realize everyone could see me.
My actions were often a big fuck you to the enemies in the tv. I did not know what the hell was going on so I tried to appear scary and mysterious. I was still strongly feeling the voice of Jesus filling me, and my writing seemed to soar from the inspiration... that was supposed to be my truth. I gave up the material world to work on the writing, gave up practically everything. Then I find though I am bugged in the bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, and living room, that you found me on one camera masterbating was supposed to be a big deal to the people bugging me? I always thought there was some kind of filter, spies watching me, telling people things... I never in a million years would have thought I was famous and had this weird show that many felt was a new religion in the making, etc... others a revolution... others... They were right, though I was too distant from them to know these things. When I found out I was shocked.
I was so angry that I wrote about these shows, after hearing I had damaged the one because of what I wrote, and almost got another killed when I opened myself up to a BURN by telling people to do their worst to lampoon me, and people who look at me as a religious and political figure thought snl went to far and one prominent conservative advocating killing them and I had to say no to this three times... I wrote against the skits Saturday night did on me. Only after I was pissed to find out there was webcam into my apartment.
Things became stranger when I found out some people were living underground, as I wrote about in a short story which was not meant to be instructional, merely a short story I wrote... and before I knew I was the Christ. I was hidden in an angel who the Pilates of this world would never recognize as their enemy, the son of man. The Son Of God. After I knew who I was again, a shock of recognition that happens in every life I lead, after the time I live as a human, thinking I am human, to learn of the times I am in, the language I must use, the issues I must address. This time is easier than most... I think, because I believe I am here to end life on the planet. A mercy killing, that will release every soul on this planet, and remove the gravity of reincarnating back to earth, freeing the souls for the miraculous journey through space, as they are drawn toward an incredibly indescribable, warm, honey colored love emanating from God.
I was told by a friend out of the blue, who called to tell me two things in code.... They amounted to him telling me he saw a science fiction book about people living under ground, and when some came up they were so pissed they had to be shot. I did not know until that second that people had been living underground, though later I would even hear a Christian song mention THE FAITHFUL LIVING UNDERGROUND... then he mention two CIA murderers had gone fishing at the pier, and caught a salmon and a trout. That was the end of the conversation. I had no idea what he meant by fishing until I was told the next day my followers were being killed, and they seemed to think I wanted this to happen, questioned me on the topic, and at one point yelled BUSTED when they thought I admitting knowing this... I grieve for these people and ... I wish I had been able to meet them and talk to them. They would be alive today, but that was not part of the plan that I was a pawn within.
I did a painting I THOUGHT of as a warrior angel flying through space with a flock of fish, and was told by my connections people thought this looked like sending warriors after the fish... and they were being killed. I heard the tv one day tell me outright, YOUR PEOPLE ARE AFRAID... I was shocked, thinking I had people at all, and started telling them they had nothing to fear from me. I might yell at spies and let this incredible anger at having my life destroyed and knowing the horrors the cia and others did to bait me into a war... to learn people let their children watch, or even required as much. One sentence they told me, something about people studying my behavior for signs, and spending like every evening meeting, boggled my mind so much that to this day I do not have the balls to think about it too much yet. My mind literally swims at the thought of being watched to the extent I was. And to think that people were reacting so strongly to me when I thought I was being marginalized or used, was a mistake. I should have been told everything.
I keep remembering how they portrayed me as a pirate, when I wrote of revolution and said pirate if you have to, thinking of computer programs... after writing about a peaceful revolution run on our computers. This led to people taking money from people for a fund that if it had been used right could have funded later revolutionaries... But I was never in this for the money, and was never sure why I was portrayed as a pirate. Theft is not something I am comfortable with at all. This is ANOTHER reason I refused this money when it was offered to me, after a certain faction was stopped from taking over the states inadvertently by me, though an even worse group got in of course, I knew it had blood on it and was stolen. I thought I would make my fortune elsewhere now that I had all this fame.
I kept thinking it was only a matter of time before I would make money off my talents, but no... the pirate thing made people think I had tens of millions of dollars, but the real people in charge had all that money, I never saw a dime of it, or even really kind of believed it existed. I told them to give it to charities, though again, it should have went to revolutionary forces, not the people it did, who used the money for reasons that should not have been needed. They were owed money for services set up by the CIA and that is over. In my heart I have forgiven them, though I do not expect the same... at the very least they know I will never reveal their secrets.
You asked me a lot of questions I never answered over the years....I would have responded differently to them had I known my audience, had I known that the world was in my living with me and I had no control over the matter... that people even thought I wanted this. The thought made me murderous.
THE rape victim told I DESERVED IT because I wore a short skirt.
yo you ma playing with a singer riffing on how no one would be watching me when I WAS DEAD... I wanted to be dead instead of watched, but I was not going to let you kill me over what you did to me without serious fucking consequences to the bastards who attacked me. I did not want to die, I wanted to live to fight another day.
They suggested I kill myself so many times, even saying that was the way I would want it, to die with my soldiers. I did not want to die, not did I know the values of the people I was fighting with. One day I turned on the news to see this dog in trouble, and they were making out like this was me, because they called me a dog, and during this period something happened to put me in danger, though I only figured out what that was later.... these cats all wanted the dog to die. I later found out the philosophy of these dogs, and learned they do not believe in mix races marriages, and just said flat out, I am not a dog. The CIA show Mcfarlane runs on Fox showed the Chinese bringing in cats to a fight between blacks and the CIA, which actually happened in the underground, and I worked with Fox a lot for awhile.. I realized then that out of all these groups, I was a cat... the Chinese had always been there for me during my time in intelligence, supporting my leftist views, and allowing me to become a huge figure there with my literature and religion, to the point bibles are allowed in and Christian churches sprouted up all over, many studying my new writing, as was the CHURCH OF THE NEW CHRIST which worshipped me, something best reserved for God, because I am but a false Icon of God... his majesty is beyond anything I would want.
I bow to God alone on this planet, though I will use the Chinese greeting of nodding in respect with hands held together, as long as it is mutual. Chevy Chase and I did this to one another, after I realized the webcam went back and forth. For a long list of reasons, his character on community represented me.... a poor representation at best, though one which describes the family I come from, who I was stereotyped with, though I did not know them nor share their prejudices or blood lust.
They used tv heavily for a few years to get me messages about what was going on. I was technically a hostage of the blacks, taken after the whites made a play to harm them, which I did not find out about until years later, that fell apart.
My audience wants to know who and what I am. The government introduced me to the world as an alien Jesus... or one or both or... it was confusing to me, who felt like Jesus, and was in essence also an alien, though I felt under attack... and lied to confuse my enemy, to promote people who had been harmed by our society, or were getting screwed. This is why when I first became famous I made fun of white people a lot, but I meant it more this person is embarrassing my entire race. When it comes to revolution, the oppressed, who the newspapers lie about, and who are imprisoned when they are innocent, and out of work, are your army. I live in Chicago and drove cab, lived in black neighborhoods before and left with only great memories, and met people who ripped me off of all colors, though I never stereotyped the next customer who shared their race with the criminal I ran into. And I got ripped off a lot in the taxi, especially in Toledo, where people jumped out and ran, because there was no bus service, the blacks were all crammed into this shitty housing the government isolated from everything, near the dead downtown... blacks did this, to the point drivers would not pick them up. This was happening four or five times a week. The blacks pretty much hated the whites and the system. The town is prejudice as hell, companies I worked for flat out did not hire blacks. A terrible situation,,,, in Chicago, that barely ever happened, and it was all races. Drunks usually, though the occasional robbery, etc.
I had seen blacks get treated like shit my whole life, studied military intelligence under a communist who was considered the Jewish black panther, a huge figure in the revolutionary movement of the sixties, a young professor then, who saw his black comrades shot down in their sleep. I also took his classes on hip hop and black culture. I read of their struggle, still going on, and feel anyone who is oppressed deserves all the help I can give them, because that is justice, and being the kind of person I want to be.... so you started taping us, hoping for Jesus to pull the whole world together as planned, and instead getting a person who would not go along with you creating a Christ to lead to a one world government led by the king of kings....
You wanted a champion for white people. The elite. Christians. An Ayn Rand in a prophets robe. I wanted a better world. You just want the world for yourselves.
I am regretful that I lost my allies south of the boarder. Regretful I did not have time to think about opening the boarders, as I would have done with more intelligence... they told me I left five and a half million at the boarder. I never would have done such a thing had a known.
I remember often the day I realized this grand conspiracy I thought was swirling around me came down to a webcam in my apartment that all these people had access to, not just the news that hinted around about what I wrote. A man was holding up a child and she was saying FUCK. FUCK. ETC. I had written about how studies show intelligent people curse more, and curse myself a bit. I did not however expect that to morph into letting children curse, because it is important to learn when it appropriate and when not... etc... but this image came as the actor looked straight in my eye, wanting to talk to me directly through the bugged tv. I seldom did this, tried to ignore the people watching me because I hated when they reacted to me... with their little coded phrases. Then it flashed in my mind, an image the tv had of late flashed me, and one was me getting dressed, and for awhile I was wearing a woman's housecoat because frankly we had no other housecoat to wear. I did not think anyone would see me. They thought I was doing some stripper show for a webcam reality series, or some did. I felt sordid and used in that moment. My anger was not at the people from the show or the side the represented, because I loved that show and it unbeknownst to me showed my allies, the whites, gays, and Mexicans. I am honored that I had their approval. I am sorry I did not realize everyone could see me.
My actions were often a big fuck you to the enemies in the tv. I did not know what the hell was going on so I tried to appear scary and mysterious. I was still strongly feeling the voice of Jesus filling me, and my writing seemed to soar from the inspiration... that was supposed to be my truth. I gave up the material world to work on the writing, gave up practically everything. Then I find though I am bugged in the bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, and living room, that you found me on one camera masterbating was supposed to be a big deal to the people bugging me? I always thought there was some kind of filter, spies watching me, telling people things... I never in a million years would have thought I was famous and had this weird show that many felt was a new religion in the making, etc... others a revolution... others... They were right, though I was too distant from them to know these things. When I found out I was shocked.
I was so angry that I wrote about these shows, after hearing I had damaged the one because of what I wrote, and almost got another killed when I opened myself up to a BURN by telling people to do their worst to lampoon me, and people who look at me as a religious and political figure thought snl went to far and one prominent conservative advocating killing them and I had to say no to this three times... I wrote against the skits Saturday night did on me. Only after I was pissed to find out there was webcam into my apartment.
Things became stranger when I found out some people were living underground, as I wrote about in a short story which was not meant to be instructional, merely a short story I wrote... and before I knew I was the Christ. I was hidden in an angel who the Pilates of this world would never recognize as their enemy, the son of man. The Son Of God. After I knew who I was again, a shock of recognition that happens in every life I lead, after the time I live as a human, thinking I am human, to learn of the times I am in, the language I must use, the issues I must address. This time is easier than most... I think, because I believe I am here to end life on the planet. A mercy killing, that will release every soul on this planet, and remove the gravity of reincarnating back to earth, freeing the souls for the miraculous journey through space, as they are drawn toward an incredibly indescribable, warm, honey colored love emanating from God.
I was told by a friend out of the blue, who called to tell me two things in code.... They amounted to him telling me he saw a science fiction book about people living under ground, and when some came up they were so pissed they had to be shot. I did not know until that second that people had been living underground, though later I would even hear a Christian song mention THE FAITHFUL LIVING UNDERGROUND... then he mention two CIA murderers had gone fishing at the pier, and caught a salmon and a trout. That was the end of the conversation. I had no idea what he meant by fishing until I was told the next day my followers were being killed, and they seemed to think I wanted this to happen, questioned me on the topic, and at one point yelled BUSTED when they thought I admitting knowing this... I grieve for these people and ... I wish I had been able to meet them and talk to them. They would be alive today, but that was not part of the plan that I was a pawn within.
I did a painting I THOUGHT of as a warrior angel flying through space with a flock of fish, and was told by my connections people thought this looked like sending warriors after the fish... and they were being killed. I heard the tv one day tell me outright, YOUR PEOPLE ARE AFRAID... I was shocked, thinking I had people at all, and started telling them they had nothing to fear from me. I might yell at spies and let this incredible anger at having my life destroyed and knowing the horrors the cia and others did to bait me into a war... to learn people let their children watch, or even required as much. One sentence they told me, something about people studying my behavior for signs, and spending like every evening meeting, boggled my mind so much that to this day I do not have the balls to think about it too much yet. My mind literally swims at the thought of being watched to the extent I was. And to think that people were reacting so strongly to me when I thought I was being marginalized or used, was a mistake. I should have been told everything.
I keep remembering how they portrayed me as a pirate, when I wrote of revolution and said pirate if you have to, thinking of computer programs... after writing about a peaceful revolution run on our computers. This led to people taking money from people for a fund that if it had been used right could have funded later revolutionaries... But I was never in this for the money, and was never sure why I was portrayed as a pirate. Theft is not something I am comfortable with at all. This is ANOTHER reason I refused this money when it was offered to me, after a certain faction was stopped from taking over the states inadvertently by me, though an even worse group got in of course, I knew it had blood on it and was stolen. I thought I would make my fortune elsewhere now that I had all this fame.
I kept thinking it was only a matter of time before I would make money off my talents, but no... the pirate thing made people think I had tens of millions of dollars, but the real people in charge had all that money, I never saw a dime of it, or even really kind of believed it existed. I told them to give it to charities, though again, it should have went to revolutionary forces, not the people it did, who used the money for reasons that should not have been needed. They were owed money for services set up by the CIA and that is over. In my heart I have forgiven them, though I do not expect the same... at the very least they know I will never reveal their secrets.
You asked me a lot of questions I never answered over the years....I would have responded differently to them had I known my audience, had I known that the world was in my living with me and I had no control over the matter... that people even thought I wanted this. The thought made me murderous.
THE rape victim told I DESERVED IT because I wore a short skirt.
yo you ma playing with a singer riffing on how no one would be watching me when I WAS DEAD... I wanted to be dead instead of watched, but I was not going to let you kill me over what you did to me without serious fucking consequences to the bastards who attacked me. I did not want to die, I wanted to live to fight another day.
They suggested I kill myself so many times, even saying that was the way I would want it, to die with my soldiers. I did not want to die, not did I know the values of the people I was fighting with. One day I turned on the news to see this dog in trouble, and they were making out like this was me, because they called me a dog, and during this period something happened to put me in danger, though I only figured out what that was later.... these cats all wanted the dog to die. I later found out the philosophy of these dogs, and learned they do not believe in mix races marriages, and just said flat out, I am not a dog. The CIA show Mcfarlane runs on Fox showed the Chinese bringing in cats to a fight between blacks and the CIA, which actually happened in the underground, and I worked with Fox a lot for awhile.. I realized then that out of all these groups, I was a cat... the Chinese had always been there for me during my time in intelligence, supporting my leftist views, and allowing me to become a huge figure there with my literature and religion, to the point bibles are allowed in and Christian churches sprouted up all over, many studying my new writing, as was the CHURCH OF THE NEW CHRIST which worshipped me, something best reserved for God, because I am but a false Icon of God... his majesty is beyond anything I would want.
I bow to God alone on this planet, though I will use the Chinese greeting of nodding in respect with hands held together, as long as it is mutual. Chevy Chase and I did this to one another, after I realized the webcam went back and forth. For a long list of reasons, his character on community represented me.... a poor representation at best, though one which describes the family I come from, who I was stereotyped with, though I did not know them nor share their prejudices or blood lust.
They used tv heavily for a few years to get me messages about what was going on. I was technically a hostage of the blacks, taken after the whites made a play to harm them, which I did not find out about until years later, that fell apart.
Friday, March 31, 2017
Standing In A Circle of Dead Enemies
Using their corpses as a wall against those who still charge at me . . . I had a vision of this, very early on when I started awakening; myself surrounded by piles of enemy bodies, on ancient battle fields, where we swung axes and swords . . . when I am born to fight, I am invincible in a way. I can only die when my mission is complete, so I never worry about dying, because by the time I complete what I have set out to do, I am ready for a break from my soul being stuck in flesh anyways.
I used to describe the old ways, with metaphoric embellishments to make a point, during the period I was being watched both by those who considered themselves my acolytes, and enemies, and just curious... whatever reason you watched the dreaded cameras set up around my house, first for security, and then to record my words and actions, as if I was giving orders thru drawings, etc... I had threatened things that were metaphysical that others made physical. Looking back I should have known the hornet nests I was punching my fists right into would sting back. I chose to take on the united states governments' illegitimate rulers, as the constitution says is my right -- indeed, obligation. They knew that the rich would get over another scheme, as the colonizers did on them before, the English.... and that more revolutions would be needed.
I do not know what I described that led to seth rogan from working with the end of the world angle, which a lot of people believed this very weird vision I had of endless lightening and lava flowing from my body, an ending all life on earth event, the same night I had a vision of someone being beaten up, who was -- God's way of saying, THIS IS MORE THAN A DREAM.
They sent out footage of me masterbating as if I would have done so ... I was driving to drive away people who were spying on me. People I hated. Rogan had someone do this in his movie about the apocalypse and end up leading a crew of cannibals, as demons took over the earth, though a few folks went right up to heaven. The movie freaked me out because it was about some pretty fucking horrible events that Rogan knew about and since he is an intelligence stooge, he made a movie making me out to be the ultimate villain... it was slander against me. Hatred for the chaos I caused in Hollywood and tv and radio and intelligence, religion, etc... after being taken for a person who was a mere criminal by some, a con man to others, God to some, a demi God to others, a buffoon to some, a psycho.... Lord, when you live bugged and filmed for years, knowing you can talk to the bugs nd get messages out somehow, because your words and actions are repeated back to you on tv shows. They wanted operation bluebeam to make a one world religion leading to a one world government...
I tell the same story too much... how can I think of anything else, when such huge events are happening, and I have been given a small amount of influence in what happens....
I FEEL the hatred stirring up in my chest, telling me it is time to stop writing about this.... God is love. If I can follow the love in this love, as I HAVE, for humanity, liberty, justice... instead of hate for people who committed the war crimes I learned of as they interrogated me for mass murder, I have to look at humans as misguided flesh housing souls, that are precious to God, and deserving of Love... souls I know when I am not in the flesh, and see going thru painful lives to learn all lessons lives can offer.
I am skeptical. Much more so than I have seemed with my declarative sentences about religion, my yelling over this moral point or that, being the mean and cruel Johnny Pain ala Christ who hated humans for what they were doing, could not believe people would even think of these things. The cruel tortures and deaths I learned about in intelligence, not to mention the theft which should have been a revolutionary fund, but I was not informed... and though I had nothing to do with it, I wanted to use the money to compensate the victims, make their grieving easier. Funny, how they still believed I wanted a race war back then, many of them, though they would learn the error of their ways when I risked my life over and over to back Justice, no matter which colored human required it... if I could help, I did. I do.
I take no position in your race war at all. Empowering everyone is my goal. The Billionaires lose a few numbers on a computer screen that does not have to barely effect their lives, left with ten million or whatever. Amnesty for their crimes, to pave a path that is non violent in our take over, if possible. If there are better angels, or genetic programming about being part of a tribe, which is the entire human race now that we are all endangered by the same small group, who do not care any more if people realize their obscene wealth is an assault on all logic, and morality, when there are homeless, starving, sick... and a world to mend. How could anyone be selfish enough to think off mission when it comes to saving the world? Because they think their mission is to genocide seven billion people, rather than the less murderous solution. A NEW CULTURE of the most talented, bright, beautiful, royal, rich, etc... who crawl in a DUMB for a month, then come up to a mostly uninhabited planet, where even the radio activity of the Pacific Ocean can be ignored since there is literally land and housing for the taking all over the planet. Probably use soldiers to clear the bodies, I imagine. I never found out what they planned to use though the evidence suggest Ebola is their present choice.
THE TRAITORS TO HUMANITY
consider the universe without law
existence without Karma or heaven and hell
life a series of sensual experiences -- work hard party hard
atheists convinced they answered the unanswerable as ridiculous
as fundamentalist Christians arguing Noah's ark is a literal story
not a metaphor for in being in a flood, save your animals before you save bad men...
We do not know the writer's of the bibles intentions
How they thought was very different than our own
minds filled with witches and demons and a God who judged them
in every battle lost, with the death of each child, bad harvest...
the myths that built up around the Church
the remnants of Pagan religions tacked onto his humble message
The dreams of Angels and their names and such, the icons that stand before humans
and GOD
There Is no God except God
Whatever God you worship is the God of many masks
in an appearance to provide a way of living suited to the needs of a people
thru religion or war or example
Learning all about humans, the Son of man created from the son of God
living another life in a new time with new truths new religions new ways
I had forty five years to try to determine how humans live now
almost half a century to break a hole in the leaders wall of lies big enough to see in
My limited view showed me unspeakable horrors
incidents I am glad I can say my loyalty oath keeps me from speaking of that
I keep more secrets than I give away -- the endless list I do not want to think of
let alone be brought into the light/think of what others think of me for the things I have done
They did worse is one excuse for becoming a monster to fight monsters
They were killing people and I had to stop them no matter how much blood
I would find myself mentally drowning in for the rest of my life
In the battles I did not think about dead civilians only achieving an objective
In the battles a cruel trance seemed to come over me, ancient warriors from past lives
who knew better than I how to fight
Cruel beings/brutal
once I was accused of orchestrating a campaign of murder and torture
to win back my name after my enemies tricked me into humiliating myself
before the world
in ways too sick to mention
MY campaign was to stop a race war
which they considered the wrong thing to do
they wanted one, were winning, and evidently
I was helping -- I had no idea what I could do
so I tried to stop what was obviously
needed to get peace
did what was required no matter how blood splattered
to let those who were harmed let out their revenge
on a few of the war criminals...
People who threatened my life twice that week
and I did not even fucking know why?
This happened to me in this life, again... surrounded by dead enemies and allies alike. I wrote very early on in my first book that God's do not fight, they slaughter. I knew how brutal things get when people fight under the auspices of a God. I saw the fanaticism in the eyes of one of the killers, and maybe he was brainwashed to be like he was, I heard him proclaim that the old salt had to be gotten rid of... I felt a chill when I realized he meant people. I had no idea he was a killer yet. He told me, Don't tell them where the bones are, man... I had no idea what he meant. He either thought I was in on it or was trying to frame me, which another guy, who happened to introduce me to this cia killer, because the dudes cover was this drunken weed salesmen. I cannot go into details here because this is top secret but what they accused me of wanting done to the fish, was exactly the opposite of what I would have done.
I am puzzled by what God does, though sometimes with the twenty twenty vision of reflection, I get why some wild thing had to happen to make something else happen, etc.... I think I know why I was placed in the center of a mission, though I sure as hell was not prepared for what they wanted me to do, or what was happening at all...
I used to describe the old ways, with metaphoric embellishments to make a point, during the period I was being watched both by those who considered themselves my acolytes, and enemies, and just curious... whatever reason you watched the dreaded cameras set up around my house, first for security, and then to record my words and actions, as if I was giving orders thru drawings, etc... I had threatened things that were metaphysical that others made physical. Looking back I should have known the hornet nests I was punching my fists right into would sting back. I chose to take on the united states governments' illegitimate rulers, as the constitution says is my right -- indeed, obligation. They knew that the rich would get over another scheme, as the colonizers did on them before, the English.... and that more revolutions would be needed.
I do not know what I described that led to seth rogan from working with the end of the world angle, which a lot of people believed this very weird vision I had of endless lightening and lava flowing from my body, an ending all life on earth event, the same night I had a vision of someone being beaten up, who was -- God's way of saying, THIS IS MORE THAN A DREAM.
They sent out footage of me masterbating as if I would have done so ... I was driving to drive away people who were spying on me. People I hated. Rogan had someone do this in his movie about the apocalypse and end up leading a crew of cannibals, as demons took over the earth, though a few folks went right up to heaven. The movie freaked me out because it was about some pretty fucking horrible events that Rogan knew about and since he is an intelligence stooge, he made a movie making me out to be the ultimate villain... it was slander against me. Hatred for the chaos I caused in Hollywood and tv and radio and intelligence, religion, etc... after being taken for a person who was a mere criminal by some, a con man to others, God to some, a demi God to others, a buffoon to some, a psycho.... Lord, when you live bugged and filmed for years, knowing you can talk to the bugs nd get messages out somehow, because your words and actions are repeated back to you on tv shows. They wanted operation bluebeam to make a one world religion leading to a one world government...
I tell the same story too much... how can I think of anything else, when such huge events are happening, and I have been given a small amount of influence in what happens....
I FEEL the hatred stirring up in my chest, telling me it is time to stop writing about this.... God is love. If I can follow the love in this love, as I HAVE, for humanity, liberty, justice... instead of hate for people who committed the war crimes I learned of as they interrogated me for mass murder, I have to look at humans as misguided flesh housing souls, that are precious to God, and deserving of Love... souls I know when I am not in the flesh, and see going thru painful lives to learn all lessons lives can offer.
I am skeptical. Much more so than I have seemed with my declarative sentences about religion, my yelling over this moral point or that, being the mean and cruel Johnny Pain ala Christ who hated humans for what they were doing, could not believe people would even think of these things. The cruel tortures and deaths I learned about in intelligence, not to mention the theft which should have been a revolutionary fund, but I was not informed... and though I had nothing to do with it, I wanted to use the money to compensate the victims, make their grieving easier. Funny, how they still believed I wanted a race war back then, many of them, though they would learn the error of their ways when I risked my life over and over to back Justice, no matter which colored human required it... if I could help, I did. I do.
I take no position in your race war at all. Empowering everyone is my goal. The Billionaires lose a few numbers on a computer screen that does not have to barely effect their lives, left with ten million or whatever. Amnesty for their crimes, to pave a path that is non violent in our take over, if possible. If there are better angels, or genetic programming about being part of a tribe, which is the entire human race now that we are all endangered by the same small group, who do not care any more if people realize their obscene wealth is an assault on all logic, and morality, when there are homeless, starving, sick... and a world to mend. How could anyone be selfish enough to think off mission when it comes to saving the world? Because they think their mission is to genocide seven billion people, rather than the less murderous solution. A NEW CULTURE of the most talented, bright, beautiful, royal, rich, etc... who crawl in a DUMB for a month, then come up to a mostly uninhabited planet, where even the radio activity of the Pacific Ocean can be ignored since there is literally land and housing for the taking all over the planet. Probably use soldiers to clear the bodies, I imagine. I never found out what they planned to use though the evidence suggest Ebola is their present choice.
THE TRAITORS TO HUMANITY
consider the universe without law
existence without Karma or heaven and hell
life a series of sensual experiences -- work hard party hard
atheists convinced they answered the unanswerable as ridiculous
as fundamentalist Christians arguing Noah's ark is a literal story
not a metaphor for in being in a flood, save your animals before you save bad men...
We do not know the writer's of the bibles intentions
How they thought was very different than our own
minds filled with witches and demons and a God who judged them
in every battle lost, with the death of each child, bad harvest...
the myths that built up around the Church
the remnants of Pagan religions tacked onto his humble message
The dreams of Angels and their names and such, the icons that stand before humans
and GOD
There Is no God except God
Whatever God you worship is the God of many masks
in an appearance to provide a way of living suited to the needs of a people
thru religion or war or example
Learning all about humans, the Son of man created from the son of God
living another life in a new time with new truths new religions new ways
I had forty five years to try to determine how humans live now
almost half a century to break a hole in the leaders wall of lies big enough to see in
My limited view showed me unspeakable horrors
incidents I am glad I can say my loyalty oath keeps me from speaking of that
I keep more secrets than I give away -- the endless list I do not want to think of
let alone be brought into the light/think of what others think of me for the things I have done
They did worse is one excuse for becoming a monster to fight monsters
They were killing people and I had to stop them no matter how much blood
I would find myself mentally drowning in for the rest of my life
In the battles I did not think about dead civilians only achieving an objective
In the battles a cruel trance seemed to come over me, ancient warriors from past lives
who knew better than I how to fight
Cruel beings/brutal
once I was accused of orchestrating a campaign of murder and torture
to win back my name after my enemies tricked me into humiliating myself
before the world
in ways too sick to mention
MY campaign was to stop a race war
which they considered the wrong thing to do
they wanted one, were winning, and evidently
I was helping -- I had no idea what I could do
so I tried to stop what was obviously
needed to get peace
did what was required no matter how blood splattered
to let those who were harmed let out their revenge
on a few of the war criminals...
People who threatened my life twice that week
and I did not even fucking know why?
This happened to me in this life, again... surrounded by dead enemies and allies alike. I wrote very early on in my first book that God's do not fight, they slaughter. I knew how brutal things get when people fight under the auspices of a God. I saw the fanaticism in the eyes of one of the killers, and maybe he was brainwashed to be like he was, I heard him proclaim that the old salt had to be gotten rid of... I felt a chill when I realized he meant people. I had no idea he was a killer yet. He told me, Don't tell them where the bones are, man... I had no idea what he meant. He either thought I was in on it or was trying to frame me, which another guy, who happened to introduce me to this cia killer, because the dudes cover was this drunken weed salesmen. I cannot go into details here because this is top secret but what they accused me of wanting done to the fish, was exactly the opposite of what I would have done.
I am puzzled by what God does, though sometimes with the twenty twenty vision of reflection, I get why some wild thing had to happen to make something else happen, etc.... I think I know why I was placed in the center of a mission, though I sure as hell was not prepared for what they wanted me to do, or what was happening at all...
Monday, March 13, 2017
The God of WAR and peace
I feel like the war in my head is still all that matters in this world. There is no moving on, no forgetting, no retiring from MORALITY. If the revolution is the only moral choice I have than this path I have to pursue, no matter who turns from friend to foe over my decisions. This is how I have live.
I let the hatred and the death around me stop the mission, which is still to write books, and hopefully... change the world. I have already. My name will be known as a cult leader or whatever moniker the victors place on me. At one point I realized I would be a hero or a villain to people, and I did not care at all. That was the on line world, and not everyone agreed. I wrote for a choir at first.
Now I have seen myself portrayed as the villain, just as Christ and anyone who brings huge changes is viewed; though I am not going to take their sins away on a cross this time. I see already for reasons I do not still quite understand, you repress me. I will not do a dog and pony show but I sure as hell do not plan on taking over the world; if morality is effected, the world will change. Whatever this takes, I will do. I have no desire at all to die. None. I am not done. I await the actions of God, not some vague voice or sign. I am very suspicious, especially now that the intelligence agencies have tried to use me.
Many of the reasons I hated religion before becoming religious again, I still believe. These are the true revelations I bring with me, not fantasy walks of what it might be like to travel through a universe I was just waking up to.... a moment of complete clarity where I understood everything was God and all humans should be forgiven for what the circumstances of their latest life was like... the entire planet forgiven. That was a wonderful feeling that description can only be deductive toward,
I read of people all over the world, one a whistle blower m sixteen agent, appeared suddenly saying they were jesus. Cross dressing. Anything to make him look bad, and he had even started a cult. Almost a prototype I thought when I read it, of a way to discredit someone, say they think they are God.
I have the ability to say choose what you want to believe, I was brainwashed and still a lot of very strange things happened to me, poetry of a sort I did not know I had in me came flowing through... etc. I find the idea at the very base of my thinking, that I am the son of God, the destroyer of planets. I do not feel like this is reason to worship me, etc.. though I would certainly prefer to be around like minded people who I could share ideas with.... in a peaceful atmosphere, where civil disobedience will be as far as any attempt to change the government has to go, where those who are elected respect the will of the people, not the corporations.....
I asked about money once to move somewhere isolated to write, and the next day on my facebook feed came an odd article saying fallen angels ask for money. I realize I am evidently now in considered in charge of the fallen angels. I am not sure what this means, other than going to the tv show Dominion which was about a fight between the people who sided with me against vegas. I made the decision, then backed down... though it was too late for that. I believe peace has now been made, or one side basically wiped out or being spurned as fallen angels.
NONE of you are fallen angels. If you believed you were angels from things I said, I can only tell you that I was half mad, and had no idea how seriously people were taking me.... I seemed to be trapped in a bad nightmare, a paranoid mess, with no right at that point to being taken seriously.... what they did to me in the hospital and with the drugs changed me, and when they believed I was doing a skit they were wrong. I was treated poorly so I reacted the same way back.
I can write forever about what was really happening, as opposed to what you believed was happening, but there is no point. The problem still remains the same and if leaders can step up from inside or outside of the system and say no more, and gather as many guns as they can muster, etc.... then we redistribute the wealth and the world comes back into natural balance. That is the only way a small group will not abuse most of the world, to the point of genociding seven billion.
Ten years ago the world wanted me to lead them religiously and I could not believe such a thing could be true.
Now I do not have the ability to care whether only the spies read what I write, because they in the end may be the ones who come to their senses first, for all I know -- sure as hell would make things easier if they came to my agenda, instead of tried to puppet me for their Delete repeated word
Got so weird with intelligence that I was accused of wanting people who believed in me as the Christ murdered. I did not even barely know they existed. I had never had a conversation with any of them, though they felt they knew me as one does from seeing me on tv.... All I knew was that God had arrived on this planet, and that meant something.... and the people in power needed criticized. Rebuked.
Ugh, now I sit like a husk... the voice inserted seven years ago is deep within me, has nothing more to say other than God is Love and this is worth it in the end.
I want to have done good in this world. I set out to do good. Is this true of every tyrant? I who would almost never yell at anyone screamed at the world for years. The civil tones I would have used had I known you were there will never be heard, the advice on how to live together and find peace and harmony with nature and each other was never allowed to develop.
Someone sent me a drawing of Jesus standing in a river of blood, his arms cut off at the elbow, a pirate patch over one eye... heads were floating in the river. They cut peoples arms off at the elbows back in o7... to my horror. I would not believe it when I was told. I drew myself once arriving on a river of blood after learning about all the deaths. Now this pathetic looking Christ was standing in a veritable hell of death. A glimpse into how some see me, or a psy op tool to reinforce the guilt and horror done in my name... the worst without my permission, or knowledge there of... still, history, it happened.
I used to talk before I believed it was really true, in the Jesus trance, that I would end battles surrounded by enemy bodies, using them as a wall behind which to fight my enemy, a circle of the dead of all sides... this came to pass. The enemies of others became my enemies, those who chose me for their side gathered for war at my behest, and I thought there was one enemy, when there were many, an oligarchic octopus with many arms, all which needed to be dealt with.
I am not the ruthless one who believes we must kill humans to save the planet. I joked about this from a character who is nothing like me. The short stories were intentionally supposed to not be about me... the ironies in my life are endless.
I let the hatred and the death around me stop the mission, which is still to write books, and hopefully... change the world. I have already. My name will be known as a cult leader or whatever moniker the victors place on me. At one point I realized I would be a hero or a villain to people, and I did not care at all. That was the on line world, and not everyone agreed. I wrote for a choir at first.
Now I have seen myself portrayed as the villain, just as Christ and anyone who brings huge changes is viewed; though I am not going to take their sins away on a cross this time. I see already for reasons I do not still quite understand, you repress me. I will not do a dog and pony show but I sure as hell do not plan on taking over the world; if morality is effected, the world will change. Whatever this takes, I will do. I have no desire at all to die. None. I am not done. I await the actions of God, not some vague voice or sign. I am very suspicious, especially now that the intelligence agencies have tried to use me.
Many of the reasons I hated religion before becoming religious again, I still believe. These are the true revelations I bring with me, not fantasy walks of what it might be like to travel through a universe I was just waking up to.... a moment of complete clarity where I understood everything was God and all humans should be forgiven for what the circumstances of their latest life was like... the entire planet forgiven. That was a wonderful feeling that description can only be deductive toward,
I read of people all over the world, one a whistle blower m sixteen agent, appeared suddenly saying they were jesus. Cross dressing. Anything to make him look bad, and he had even started a cult. Almost a prototype I thought when I read it, of a way to discredit someone, say they think they are God.
I have the ability to say choose what you want to believe, I was brainwashed and still a lot of very strange things happened to me, poetry of a sort I did not know I had in me came flowing through... etc. I find the idea at the very base of my thinking, that I am the son of God, the destroyer of planets. I do not feel like this is reason to worship me, etc.. though I would certainly prefer to be around like minded people who I could share ideas with.... in a peaceful atmosphere, where civil disobedience will be as far as any attempt to change the government has to go, where those who are elected respect the will of the people, not the corporations.....
I asked about money once to move somewhere isolated to write, and the next day on my facebook feed came an odd article saying fallen angels ask for money. I realize I am evidently now in considered in charge of the fallen angels. I am not sure what this means, other than going to the tv show Dominion which was about a fight between the people who sided with me against vegas. I made the decision, then backed down... though it was too late for that. I believe peace has now been made, or one side basically wiped out or being spurned as fallen angels.
NONE of you are fallen angels. If you believed you were angels from things I said, I can only tell you that I was half mad, and had no idea how seriously people were taking me.... I seemed to be trapped in a bad nightmare, a paranoid mess, with no right at that point to being taken seriously.... what they did to me in the hospital and with the drugs changed me, and when they believed I was doing a skit they were wrong. I was treated poorly so I reacted the same way back.
I can write forever about what was really happening, as opposed to what you believed was happening, but there is no point. The problem still remains the same and if leaders can step up from inside or outside of the system and say no more, and gather as many guns as they can muster, etc.... then we redistribute the wealth and the world comes back into natural balance. That is the only way a small group will not abuse most of the world, to the point of genociding seven billion.
Ten years ago the world wanted me to lead them religiously and I could not believe such a thing could be true.
Now I do not have the ability to care whether only the spies read what I write, because they in the end may be the ones who come to their senses first, for all I know -- sure as hell would make things easier if they came to my agenda, instead of tried to puppet me for their Delete repeated word
Got so weird with intelligence that I was accused of wanting people who believed in me as the Christ murdered. I did not even barely know they existed. I had never had a conversation with any of them, though they felt they knew me as one does from seeing me on tv.... All I knew was that God had arrived on this planet, and that meant something.... and the people in power needed criticized. Rebuked.
Ugh, now I sit like a husk... the voice inserted seven years ago is deep within me, has nothing more to say other than God is Love and this is worth it in the end.
I want to have done good in this world. I set out to do good. Is this true of every tyrant? I who would almost never yell at anyone screamed at the world for years. The civil tones I would have used had I known you were there will never be heard, the advice on how to live together and find peace and harmony with nature and each other was never allowed to develop.
Someone sent me a drawing of Jesus standing in a river of blood, his arms cut off at the elbow, a pirate patch over one eye... heads were floating in the river. They cut peoples arms off at the elbows back in o7... to my horror. I would not believe it when I was told. I drew myself once arriving on a river of blood after learning about all the deaths. Now this pathetic looking Christ was standing in a veritable hell of death. A glimpse into how some see me, or a psy op tool to reinforce the guilt and horror done in my name... the worst without my permission, or knowledge there of... still, history, it happened.
I used to talk before I believed it was really true, in the Jesus trance, that I would end battles surrounded by enemy bodies, using them as a wall behind which to fight my enemy, a circle of the dead of all sides... this came to pass. The enemies of others became my enemies, those who chose me for their side gathered for war at my behest, and I thought there was one enemy, when there were many, an oligarchic octopus with many arms, all which needed to be dealt with.
I am not the ruthless one who believes we must kill humans to save the planet. I joked about this from a character who is nothing like me. The short stories were intentionally supposed to not be about me... the ironies in my life are endless.
Thursday, March 2, 2017
The Road of A GOD is lined with the same crap everyone else see's
IN the book tonight I used fire from his chest for the first time, reminding me of course of my vision of endless fire flowing from my chest, and endless lightening from my back, drawing on the earth and sky to destroy all life on the planet. A mercy killing for a world about to fall into post apocalyptic chaos, worse than any horror movie dared show. I feel like this, of course. Never powerless, always prepared to use these powers, but I think I only use them once, and that is in the end, activated by a God that does not tell me when the rage will drive me to become the apex of the powers of natural destruction. The conduit for the molten rock in the earth to flow across the green fields and forests and cities, wiping out all the hundreds of millions of years of evolution, leaving another dead planet in a cosmos filled with dead planets. A re jewel of life gone. Destroyed. No longer of use to souls... molecules that will eventually latch on elsewhere, grow life where there is none, a space surviving amoeba that will one day build castles against the storms.
The ones who died. I used to wonder if I was staying on my mission because to go off it would MEAN that none of it meant anything... that all the deaths were meaningless, the revolution a complete bust, a mission run by other people whom I got swept up with, though never really brought into the fold.... until it was too late. Until my actions had already condemned me in many eyes. As they might my own were I on the other side of the webcams watching me day and night, the tv performers commenting on my actions as they talked of me... all seemingly expecting me to choose some side... and then mistaking me again and again for this and that, a man who found the Anger He once felt in the Hebrew Psalms... though the same corruptions that drove him from the Jewish ways before manifested, even stronger this time since he grew up Baptist and ended up a vague believer in God.
I am sitting here tonight thinking ten years have passed since this started and I have learned I will mourn forever over this, as is right. The dead deserve more, though this is all I have to offer them. In the end they called us fallen angels. I told them from the start I am not an angel and took offense at it, though I confused the matter by calling myself one, than calling the gays angels one night and giving power to some who abused it.... I did not know how serious my words were being taken, many were meant to just be shocking, to flip out whoever had put me in the bizarre situation I was and would send me no open counsel. I did not realize there was a war involved with this Jesus, I wanted Peace all the way, no matter how we had to attain it. I became militarized by the brainwashing, lost to the world of humanity, a God above who heard of thousands dead, and had to let it go like a general in war. Never forgotten, though too destructive to my present work to completely accept and digest, another truth I have to partition off from my thinking.
The uproar I brought to this world, the intrusions on countries with mass killings, etc... are still vague, one or two sentence statements in my mind that mean next to nothing. If I leave this dome of Chicago, will I find truths too overwhelming for me to deal with. Will I read of the night they evacuated New York because we were going to blow the island all to hell. The near destruction of the English Isles? No. I will read about someone hated, or loved. I don't know. Some have a reason to hate me, some perhaps to love me.... I no longer know, if I ever did.
The ones who died. I used to wonder if I was staying on my mission because to go off it would MEAN that none of it meant anything... that all the deaths were meaningless, the revolution a complete bust, a mission run by other people whom I got swept up with, though never really brought into the fold.... until it was too late. Until my actions had already condemned me in many eyes. As they might my own were I on the other side of the webcams watching me day and night, the tv performers commenting on my actions as they talked of me... all seemingly expecting me to choose some side... and then mistaking me again and again for this and that, a man who found the Anger He once felt in the Hebrew Psalms... though the same corruptions that drove him from the Jewish ways before manifested, even stronger this time since he grew up Baptist and ended up a vague believer in God.
I am sitting here tonight thinking ten years have passed since this started and I have learned I will mourn forever over this, as is right. The dead deserve more, though this is all I have to offer them. In the end they called us fallen angels. I told them from the start I am not an angel and took offense at it, though I confused the matter by calling myself one, than calling the gays angels one night and giving power to some who abused it.... I did not know how serious my words were being taken, many were meant to just be shocking, to flip out whoever had put me in the bizarre situation I was and would send me no open counsel. I did not realize there was a war involved with this Jesus, I wanted Peace all the way, no matter how we had to attain it. I became militarized by the brainwashing, lost to the world of humanity, a God above who heard of thousands dead, and had to let it go like a general in war. Never forgotten, though too destructive to my present work to completely accept and digest, another truth I have to partition off from my thinking.
The uproar I brought to this world, the intrusions on countries with mass killings, etc... are still vague, one or two sentence statements in my mind that mean next to nothing. If I leave this dome of Chicago, will I find truths too overwhelming for me to deal with. Will I read of the night they evacuated New York because we were going to blow the island all to hell. The near destruction of the English Isles? No. I will read about someone hated, or loved. I don't know. Some have a reason to hate me, some perhaps to love me.... I no longer know, if I ever did.
Brainwashed Ten Years Ago Into Being Religious/ if not Christ.
I have barely written in here. This is my journal, I guess. The personal writing I have no place for now that I have used facebook long enough, and need to get back to blogs, where I am free to express myself in my own environment. Without having to think of an audience at all, though I know, being who I am, that my audience will be world wide, though selective; I have worked with enough powerful people and know secrets about powerful people they do not want revealed, let alone their whole secret network of ruling, which they showed me, when I thought I would be the chaplain to their army as they took over the world.
They say, my CIA files, that I was being brainwashed to be made more moral for a radio and movie contract, and the Christ arriving was an unexpected result of this activity. I was taken seriously... too seriously at times, not serious enough at others. Oh, well.
This journal is not about repeating a story I have told, but in the everyday life I am living now, between conflicts that I am involved in, rather waiting for the next battle in a war without end, where certain sides are irreconcilable, especially after the recent blood baths in the states.
I get mad enough to want to kill someone when I AM FALSLY accused. My moral indignity turns my flesh red and the horrible anger of knowing you are right and will win, no matter how many minds have already been infected with the poison of the mind. I got that way over stupid shit on tv about me... to have witnessed the fighting, especially that which looked like genocide, I cannot imagine the hatred for me that must have been cooked up. So much the cia suggested I kill myself a few times...
Which is interesting.... they do not understand that I may risk my life for my cause, I have God on my side and my death is not going to be a good thing for humanity this time around, and I sure as hell am not going to commit suicide for your little interests. God keeps me alive and only God decides when I die, as many lost their lives learning.
I made my life valuable to sceptics, because believers would know why I am here, and what in the end I will do... and they are being given the sermons meant to quell their fears over the death of the planet, to ease them into the idea as much as possible, and stop them from being foolish when offered the opportunity, like murdering most of the planet to save it... ruining the lives of seven billion humans is not saving the planet, it is murdering a large portions of it, just as precious as the forests that sustain oxygen on the planet.
You would miss me terribly, I assure you, when the time comes.
They say, my CIA files, that I was being brainwashed to be made more moral for a radio and movie contract, and the Christ arriving was an unexpected result of this activity. I was taken seriously... too seriously at times, not serious enough at others. Oh, well.
This journal is not about repeating a story I have told, but in the everyday life I am living now, between conflicts that I am involved in, rather waiting for the next battle in a war without end, where certain sides are irreconcilable, especially after the recent blood baths in the states.
I get mad enough to want to kill someone when I AM FALSLY accused. My moral indignity turns my flesh red and the horrible anger of knowing you are right and will win, no matter how many minds have already been infected with the poison of the mind. I got that way over stupid shit on tv about me... to have witnessed the fighting, especially that which looked like genocide, I cannot imagine the hatred for me that must have been cooked up. So much the cia suggested I kill myself a few times...
Which is interesting.... they do not understand that I may risk my life for my cause, I have God on my side and my death is not going to be a good thing for humanity this time around, and I sure as hell am not going to commit suicide for your little interests. God keeps me alive and only God decides when I die, as many lost their lives learning.
I made my life valuable to sceptics, because believers would know why I am here, and what in the end I will do... and they are being given the sermons meant to quell their fears over the death of the planet, to ease them into the idea as much as possible, and stop them from being foolish when offered the opportunity, like murdering most of the planet to save it... ruining the lives of seven billion humans is not saving the planet, it is murdering a large portions of it, just as precious as the forests that sustain oxygen on the planet.
You would miss me terribly, I assure you, when the time comes.
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