I feel like the war in my head is still all that matters in this world. There is no moving on, no forgetting, no retiring from MORALITY. If the revolution is the only moral choice I have than this path I have to pursue, no matter who turns from friend to foe over my decisions. This is how I have live.
I let the hatred and the death around me stop the mission, which is still to write books, and hopefully... change the world. I have already. My name will be known as a cult leader or whatever moniker the victors place on me. At one point I realized I would be a hero or a villain to people, and I did not care at all. That was the on line world, and not everyone agreed. I wrote for a choir at first.
Now I have seen myself portrayed as the villain, just as Christ and anyone who brings huge changes is viewed; though I am not going to take their sins away on a cross this time. I see already for reasons I do not still quite understand, you repress me. I will not do a dog and pony show but I sure as hell do not plan on taking over the world; if morality is effected, the world will change. Whatever this takes, I will do. I have no desire at all to die. None. I am not done. I await the actions of God, not some vague voice or sign. I am very suspicious, especially now that the intelligence agencies have tried to use me.
Many of the reasons I hated religion before becoming religious again, I still believe. These are the true revelations I bring with me, not fantasy walks of what it might be like to travel through a universe I was just waking up to.... a moment of complete clarity where I understood everything was God and all humans should be forgiven for what the circumstances of their latest life was like... the entire planet forgiven. That was a wonderful feeling that description can only be deductive toward,
I read of people all over the world, one a whistle blower m sixteen agent, appeared suddenly saying they were jesus. Cross dressing. Anything to make him look bad, and he had even started a cult. Almost a prototype I thought when I read it, of a way to discredit someone, say they think they are God.
I have the ability to say choose what you want to believe, I was brainwashed and still a lot of very strange things happened to me, poetry of a sort I did not know I had in me came flowing through... etc. I find the idea at the very base of my thinking, that I am the son of God, the destroyer of planets. I do not feel like this is reason to worship me, etc.. though I would certainly prefer to be around like minded people who I could share ideas with.... in a peaceful atmosphere, where civil disobedience will be as far as any attempt to change the government has to go, where those who are elected respect the will of the people, not the corporations.....
I asked about money once to move somewhere isolated to write, and the next day on my facebook feed came an odd article saying fallen angels ask for money. I realize I am evidently now in considered in charge of the fallen angels. I am not sure what this means, other than going to the tv show Dominion which was about a fight between the people who sided with me against vegas. I made the decision, then backed down... though it was too late for that. I believe peace has now been made, or one side basically wiped out or being spurned as fallen angels.
NONE of you are fallen angels. If you believed you were angels from things I said, I can only tell you that I was half mad, and had no idea how seriously people were taking me.... I seemed to be trapped in a bad nightmare, a paranoid mess, with no right at that point to being taken seriously.... what they did to me in the hospital and with the drugs changed me, and when they believed I was doing a skit they were wrong. I was treated poorly so I reacted the same way back.
I can write forever about what was really happening, as opposed to what you believed was happening, but there is no point. The problem still remains the same and if leaders can step up from inside or outside of the system and say no more, and gather as many guns as they can muster, etc.... then we redistribute the wealth and the world comes back into natural balance. That is the only way a small group will not abuse most of the world, to the point of genociding seven billion.
Ten years ago the world wanted me to lead them religiously and I could not believe such a thing could be true.
Now I do not have the ability to care whether only the spies read what I write, because they in the end may be the ones who come to their senses first, for all I know -- sure as hell would make things easier if they came to my agenda, instead of tried to puppet me for their Delete repeated word
Got so weird with intelligence that I was accused of wanting people who believed in me as the Christ murdered. I did not even barely know they existed. I had never had a conversation with any of them, though they felt they knew me as one does from seeing me on tv.... All I knew was that God had arrived on this planet, and that meant something.... and the people in power needed criticized. Rebuked.
Ugh, now I sit like a husk... the voice inserted seven years ago is deep within me, has nothing more to say other than God is Love and this is worth it in the end.
I want to have done good in this world. I set out to do good. Is this true of every tyrant? I who would almost never yell at anyone screamed at the world for years. The civil tones I would have used had I known you were there will never be heard, the advice on how to live together and find peace and harmony with nature and each other was never allowed to develop.
Someone sent me a drawing of Jesus standing in a river of blood, his arms cut off at the elbow, a pirate patch over one eye... heads were floating in the river. They cut peoples arms off at the elbows back in o7... to my horror. I would not believe it when I was told. I drew myself once arriving on a river of blood after learning about all the deaths. Now this pathetic looking Christ was standing in a veritable hell of death. A glimpse into how some see me, or a psy op tool to reinforce the guilt and horror done in my name... the worst without my permission, or knowledge there of... still, history, it happened.
I used to talk before I believed it was really true, in the Jesus trance, that I would end battles surrounded by enemy bodies, using them as a wall behind which to fight my enemy, a circle of the dead of all sides... this came to pass. The enemies of others became my enemies, those who chose me for their side gathered for war at my behest, and I thought there was one enemy, when there were many, an oligarchic octopus with many arms, all which needed to be dealt with.
I am not the ruthless one who believes we must kill humans to save the planet. I joked about this from a character who is nothing like me. The short stories were intentionally supposed to not be about me... the ironies in my life are endless.
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