My muddled mind at first mistook myself for Jesus himself, though I knew I was nothing like the Jesus I read about and that I was not about to change to be some figure in the bible. I was not going to look at that book as a script.
Later, I came down from the trauma enough to understand I am Scott. Born into a time, and created by the time, to be what my sacrificial soul does, leads the way down some path the authorities do not want traveled. At first the way is narrow, dangerous, guarded even... then there are too many people to stop taking the path, and roads begin to stretch out, as far as they are needed.
I remember Jesus as black personally, not that this meant the same thing then as now, it just was nothing... just the same spirit flying thru flesh, same as any soul. Chosen one. Such an over used phrase now and meaningless as always. We are all chosen. Some of us will be placed in the position to be able to act and will do so with noblesse oblige every time they are allowed. Others are.... part of God's plan that I will not even bother trying to understand.
The more I think I understand of this world, beyond the revealed science and philosophy, our latest bibles of the times... the more I find those who try to make laws based on ancient biblical passages repulsive. Zealots whose need to believe has been exploited, or perhaps they are wired that way for a certain place in a hierarchy? I can only speculate.
So many specific orders and ways of being damned were being used when I awoke to preaching as Jesus, that my first order of business was trying to stop the fear of damnation and this idea of hell from being a motivating factor in religion. I even used the metaphor of battling into hell to save the innocent and the damned alike, though I have since realize I do know if these things exist... if they do then I will take my chances that God is Love. I would rather worship Love than anything else on this planet.
So many rules and edicts were said to come from me, when I am the opposite of this, that I feel imprisoned by disinformation. I saw once andy dick, who was one of the first celebrities I felt I had contacted, snorting cocaine and knew they were asking me something... and I felt they were wondering if people went to hell for this... I tried to say I did not care about that, or think God did, but I did not mean to tell people to start snorting cocaine. I find cocaine has caused serious problems, but that is not enough for God to abandon a person. This is all I meant.
My message was too simple for you to understand. You expected layer after layer when I did not know what you were doing, though thinking I did I made statements out of ignorance. You thought criticism and mocking was a prelude to war. Had I known the throne you thought I was sitting on, in my bed bug filled apartment where I felt tortured morning to night, without massive amounts of drugs.. I would have shut my mouth. Tempered my criticism. Given up on ever being a private citizen, or having a normal, though I thought successful, life. I do not deserve that now.
No comments:
Post a Comment