I feel lightening and fire low in my gut
ready to explode and flow across the planet
turn earth and sky into death
still feel like I am only a bomb
the messenger of worlds end
bringer of freedom for all spirits to fly
a message of forgiveness for everywhere
a conformation you are soul and can be
unencumbered by the gravity of life
sucking us back here
again and again
is this a soul trap I wondered once
that gives us a harsh life
until it dies
all for reasons I cannot begin to dream of
or random chaos in a mess of space
bits of matter coalescing throughout infinite time
into every conceivable form
our lives on earth one fleeting spark in the dark of space
unseen and gone as if we never happened
molecules that gathered once now adrift
never again to assume the same patterns
in infinity
where everything can forever begin anew
the religions wanted me once
Now they call me a fallen angel
though I denied being an angel from the start
I wish I had never uttered the word
wish I had never made the mistake of making people believe
I wished their lives regimented by me
HAD i KNOWN
Echoes forever in my mind
I am never far from mourning and regret and horror
I think of all the blood spilled by my ignorance
you kept me imprisoned
for reasons I never suspected
I could not accept who i am to you
I tried to see myself as you did and am blinded
by the horrors I remember when the sword was picked up
and those I merely meant to criticize fell victim
to people who took the revolution I wrote of
to be theocracy
The Jesus in me was a rebel against you all
And the intrusions made into my life by hollywood
and television ... God, had I known you were broadcasting me
when I found out I went crazy
it was the sight of me in my green robe standing in front of my dresser
set in the only empty spot in the apartment
that drove home to me that all along average people
were watching me
not just spies
or....
worshiping me
and they were racking in the money
I thought I might get some of that until I found out
what I was famous for
atrocities under my watch
failure to give orders when asked
infamous
Still I went out in the end and fought for the president
who thought he was my enemy
or was in the secret world I knew nothing about
You gave me years of hints and used my life until
I just gave up on the two ever
meeting, the tv world and my real life
there were unsettling moments
like the summer differently dressed people were showing up in the park
I had said something about people being brought in to meet me if they wanted
but it had to be everyone not just rich people
at the time I believed and knew most of the time
still drifting in and out of the Christ
becoming
took ten years
a decade
because my teachers were afraid to impart their secrets
U gave me a choice
said here is the way the world works
come on in
but know you gonna see shit
you can do nothing about
from your mansion on the hill
I decided to turn away from your Gold and look up into the skies
knowing there is another watching
seeing
there will be another day
when this moment is forgotten
I am clean
gravitating toward a force of love
far from here
I did what was morally right and was mocked
burn the money I told them
wishing to show this world is temporary
make a statement
I had no idea how much money was there
was thinking too irrationally
to realize much good could have been done
too uninformed
too invested in fighting
the people bugging me
putting my life on tv
I hated that
to think
my
life
was
watched
I made the best of it
I rise to the occasion to survive
I would never subject a human
to such torture
when you said I wanted that
I wanted to kill you so bad
I still feel hate when I think of this
I did not understand at the time why
at on point yo you ma liked me
and the next turned on me
you kept me so ignorant
I felt for awhile like there is a path to God
with enemies along the way
that a shepherd was needed to get there
before the big bang
now
freed perhaps
because of the pain of your planets
the sympathy of a God
done in his time from a place with no time
a God who sends
a bit of a helper
out
who gets called a son
though unworthy in a way
you will only understand when you see
what I have seen
the immensity of the physical apparition
given as an icon
created as a machine
I have no idea
maybe a higher form
created a place of refuge for souls
another mystery out there
though one that would no longer bother us
the love left saying more then we could ever understand
we know
Friday, July 13, 2018
Thursday, May 31, 2018
I still cannot deny I AM
Deep in my core, I know I am the one called the son of God, and other names throughout my various lives. I have been all sorts of humans for all sorts of reasons, usually to protect the weak, free slaves, or be a slave who comforts or martyrs for others, or... I do not send soldiers on assignments I would not do myself, other tasks I would ask of no one except myself, because no one should be ordered to do what I have done. Too cruel for me to do, though there is nothing too cruel for the intelligence agencies and revolutionaries and religions that were sucked into the vortex of my being introduced to the world.
The religious voice in a crowd. Supposed to be an actor who would play the bibles Jesus, or maybe change it.... When this first started, I put out a poem called Forgive Everyone... and was amazed by the reaction. I did not know until later, they expected people to be put to death. They had basically just taken over the world, and I was part of their mission. Until I blew it up in their face to a degree...
I write this knowing that there may be no way for me to ever walk among you again untainted by what I have done, and worse yet, what I set in motion. I can understand being the demon in your tale, the one who mesmerized you with a show on the web.... once someone sent me an address, said they thought they saw me.. it brought nothing up, of course. If I had accessed it, this would have ended, they knew that.
I cannot tell you how I mourn for the dead and the living. I tried to do what God wanted, in circumstances that had I knew what was going on, I would have acted differently. Though I know this is hard to accept, or digest, and maybe I am wrong, but I do not think so at all... the group behind me was not meant to take over this planet. If you were part of them, I understand, but most of you were brought in under false premises.... and the race war, that was nothing I would have ever wanted. You could have told me I was leading whites with beliefs I do not share, as long as they were not in a race war.... and this would have played out differently, but no.
I regret that I had to expose myself to this world, seemingly, before I could be criticized enough to get the truth off what was going on. I see now how hard all of you worked, the effort that went into all of this, how much good you wanted to do, and how surprised and betrayed you must have felt by me. I could not take the mantles though. I did not buy that all these people thought I was Jesus, because of the shitty way I was treated.
I am grateful God did not allow criminals to take over the earth... glad he kept me ignorant. Glad I made the wrong decisions because of this ignorance. I am horrified by what my work spawned, though I am also hopeful we can take the country to the left, still... I was heartened when after all this, the kids want socialism. That was unheard of before our efforts. This can be nurtured. I do not want the dead to have died in vain, or the spirit of revolution, if not God, to be destroyed by my actions...
I pray I can still be of service in the context I have explained, and of course you know, some, i am in a position to do so. Should the occasion arise, though I am much less bloody than I was when I thought I was fighting for my life against monolithic powers I could not comprehend. When I sat in my rose garden smoking weed, while all around my high walls blood was shed in my name. People were put into slavery, an worked as slaves, all in my name. The people have to be won over by revolutionaries, not destroyed by them.... but I knew nothing of your divisions.... the stupidity and lies of the media came home to roost...
when that was all I knew.
There are battles I wish we had taken on for the right reasons, England to free the people, return the Gold, stop BP from pirating the world. To stop war would have been a reason to do many things I did not think I had the ability to have a voice in, when my bathroom shower curtain was filled with roaches each morning, and both my cats died as a result of spraying. I sure felt like I was making decisions for anyone... Lord. I had a lot of mental walls built up around me, by people I wanted to trust, to hold onto as the reality in this unreal world... I speak of when this first started.
In the end, I do not recognize what this became, and never saw myself as the agency in these actions, except when the trains and car crashes started be talking of... I thought they were signs I did something wrong, but I had no idea what... I pray that was faked. Just like Ralph was a fictional creation. I know otherwise. I would heal you if I knew how, though I have never tried such a thing. My thinking is much more scientific than most people who are prone toward believing in Jesus.
I know India and Ireland felt harsher hatred than I did.... I was just slamming the monarchy, as I always did, thinking I was ignored again... I remembered in 07 when they called me out for insulting the queen, but Jesus hardly gave a damn about such things. I did not know the ramifications of my words... if I had, I would have concentrated on the states, first, and not went anywhere else. We could have done nothing though, more than likely, because there is too much dissension among people.
Can this be over come again? They tell me I brought everyone together at first, then it fell apart. They said, YOU USED TO BE PRETTY GOOD AT COLLAGES... THEY meant metaphorically, I started making actual collages, not great ones, that did not help at all. I have the city terrified to this day I am going to harm them, due to the scientific side of me... or the religious side of me -- which is what I fear, the lava and lightening I saw in my vision flowing from my body, that takes out everything... I do not want this to be that life... that mercy killing, or soul culling, or whatever. God is in charge of that. I would not begin to know how to trigger such a thing. Just my religious belief, nothing to be alarmed over.
People fear death, so they fear the end of the world. I do not fear death, got my evidence there are souls by astral projecting, meeting a ghost, and being sent dreams that came true too many times for coincidence, though not brainwashing. I know I was brainwashed into having the Jesus voice, but this did not change me in my deepest morals, they were always the same... they gave me a context I would have never chosen, being Jesus. They also told some I was an alien. Hmmm. I told them both were true, but not in the ways they thought.
I saw supernatural introduce a character trying to tell me people were doing the things I wrote about, which they would later do with Castiel and others. Thankful to them, I am. They go thru great stress, just knowing about these things, though they told me hard truths, i was not often ready to accept them as true. The episode was hard to write, because they were introducing God, though not saying it at the time, who they based on me to the point that when he left, he was writing a book about revolution, like I was... it is interesting they got rid of God. There is never a Jesus in any of these.. I sometimes wonder if that is the Jewish bias, or just that he would be superman with no one to counter him, so no conflict.
I keep thinking of Jessica Jones on netflix, a superhero show, where a character was based on me, who manipulated all these people, and... wore purple -- purple and yellow were the colors they used for me the most, the son and the king... I did not like the King part... and they quickly enough did not want me for the Disney King... always monarchies in those, because they have one in the underground I suppose. Or did. Anyways, in this episode they had him end with gays, who supported me throughout, but stayed with me longer than most, after things got bad, because I had said they were angels at one point, having no idea how seriously I was going to be taken, in an attempt to stop teen suicide rates among gays.... I should have cleared that up, but... I did not think my life was happening. I thought two people knew about me... and then others knew something, more than me... some...
I just wanted to say, once more, john cusack, I can say I am not God the father, but I cannot say I am not Jesus, or that this means something..... what it means, and why I am here is unclear to me, though I am going to assume it is to clean up as much of the earthly problems as possible. God is in charge of what happens to souls, and everything else. A cop out it sounded like coming from me....
When I first started hearing what happened, I said God did this.... I have come around to MEN did this.... God is behind the ultimate plan maybe, but maybe part of it is establishing justice on earth.....
The religious voice in a crowd. Supposed to be an actor who would play the bibles Jesus, or maybe change it.... When this first started, I put out a poem called Forgive Everyone... and was amazed by the reaction. I did not know until later, they expected people to be put to death. They had basically just taken over the world, and I was part of their mission. Until I blew it up in their face to a degree...
I write this knowing that there may be no way for me to ever walk among you again untainted by what I have done, and worse yet, what I set in motion. I can understand being the demon in your tale, the one who mesmerized you with a show on the web.... once someone sent me an address, said they thought they saw me.. it brought nothing up, of course. If I had accessed it, this would have ended, they knew that.
I cannot tell you how I mourn for the dead and the living. I tried to do what God wanted, in circumstances that had I knew what was going on, I would have acted differently. Though I know this is hard to accept, or digest, and maybe I am wrong, but I do not think so at all... the group behind me was not meant to take over this planet. If you were part of them, I understand, but most of you were brought in under false premises.... and the race war, that was nothing I would have ever wanted. You could have told me I was leading whites with beliefs I do not share, as long as they were not in a race war.... and this would have played out differently, but no.
I regret that I had to expose myself to this world, seemingly, before I could be criticized enough to get the truth off what was going on. I see now how hard all of you worked, the effort that went into all of this, how much good you wanted to do, and how surprised and betrayed you must have felt by me. I could not take the mantles though. I did not buy that all these people thought I was Jesus, because of the shitty way I was treated.
I am grateful God did not allow criminals to take over the earth... glad he kept me ignorant. Glad I made the wrong decisions because of this ignorance. I am horrified by what my work spawned, though I am also hopeful we can take the country to the left, still... I was heartened when after all this, the kids want socialism. That was unheard of before our efforts. This can be nurtured. I do not want the dead to have died in vain, or the spirit of revolution, if not God, to be destroyed by my actions...
I pray I can still be of service in the context I have explained, and of course you know, some, i am in a position to do so. Should the occasion arise, though I am much less bloody than I was when I thought I was fighting for my life against monolithic powers I could not comprehend. When I sat in my rose garden smoking weed, while all around my high walls blood was shed in my name. People were put into slavery, an worked as slaves, all in my name. The people have to be won over by revolutionaries, not destroyed by them.... but I knew nothing of your divisions.... the stupidity and lies of the media came home to roost...
when that was all I knew.
There are battles I wish we had taken on for the right reasons, England to free the people, return the Gold, stop BP from pirating the world. To stop war would have been a reason to do many things I did not think I had the ability to have a voice in, when my bathroom shower curtain was filled with roaches each morning, and both my cats died as a result of spraying. I sure felt like I was making decisions for anyone... Lord. I had a lot of mental walls built up around me, by people I wanted to trust, to hold onto as the reality in this unreal world... I speak of when this first started.
In the end, I do not recognize what this became, and never saw myself as the agency in these actions, except when the trains and car crashes started be talking of... I thought they were signs I did something wrong, but I had no idea what... I pray that was faked. Just like Ralph was a fictional creation. I know otherwise. I would heal you if I knew how, though I have never tried such a thing. My thinking is much more scientific than most people who are prone toward believing in Jesus.
I know India and Ireland felt harsher hatred than I did.... I was just slamming the monarchy, as I always did, thinking I was ignored again... I remembered in 07 when they called me out for insulting the queen, but Jesus hardly gave a damn about such things. I did not know the ramifications of my words... if I had, I would have concentrated on the states, first, and not went anywhere else. We could have done nothing though, more than likely, because there is too much dissension among people.
Can this be over come again? They tell me I brought everyone together at first, then it fell apart. They said, YOU USED TO BE PRETTY GOOD AT COLLAGES... THEY meant metaphorically, I started making actual collages, not great ones, that did not help at all. I have the city terrified to this day I am going to harm them, due to the scientific side of me... or the religious side of me -- which is what I fear, the lava and lightening I saw in my vision flowing from my body, that takes out everything... I do not want this to be that life... that mercy killing, or soul culling, or whatever. God is in charge of that. I would not begin to know how to trigger such a thing. Just my religious belief, nothing to be alarmed over.
People fear death, so they fear the end of the world. I do not fear death, got my evidence there are souls by astral projecting, meeting a ghost, and being sent dreams that came true too many times for coincidence, though not brainwashing. I know I was brainwashed into having the Jesus voice, but this did not change me in my deepest morals, they were always the same... they gave me a context I would have never chosen, being Jesus. They also told some I was an alien. Hmmm. I told them both were true, but not in the ways they thought.
I saw supernatural introduce a character trying to tell me people were doing the things I wrote about, which they would later do with Castiel and others. Thankful to them, I am. They go thru great stress, just knowing about these things, though they told me hard truths, i was not often ready to accept them as true. The episode was hard to write, because they were introducing God, though not saying it at the time, who they based on me to the point that when he left, he was writing a book about revolution, like I was... it is interesting they got rid of God. There is never a Jesus in any of these.. I sometimes wonder if that is the Jewish bias, or just that he would be superman with no one to counter him, so no conflict.
I keep thinking of Jessica Jones on netflix, a superhero show, where a character was based on me, who manipulated all these people, and... wore purple -- purple and yellow were the colors they used for me the most, the son and the king... I did not like the King part... and they quickly enough did not want me for the Disney King... always monarchies in those, because they have one in the underground I suppose. Or did. Anyways, in this episode they had him end with gays, who supported me throughout, but stayed with me longer than most, after things got bad, because I had said they were angels at one point, having no idea how seriously I was going to be taken, in an attempt to stop teen suicide rates among gays.... I should have cleared that up, but... I did not think my life was happening. I thought two people knew about me... and then others knew something, more than me... some...
I just wanted to say, once more, john cusack, I can say I am not God the father, but I cannot say I am not Jesus, or that this means something..... what it means, and why I am here is unclear to me, though I am going to assume it is to clean up as much of the earthly problems as possible. God is in charge of what happens to souls, and everything else. A cop out it sounded like coming from me....
When I first started hearing what happened, I said God did this.... I have come around to MEN did this.... God is behind the ultimate plan maybe, but maybe part of it is establishing justice on earth.....
Monday, April 2, 2018
THE GOD OF MANY MASKS
I called myself this. Later it was used against me. Amazing how everything that makes sense to me, and others, is the most vilified. I believe I have reincarnated over and over, and have been the inspiration for various religions, which were once the history, science, and... everything else rolled together; a Holy Man was was expected to know medical matters during most of the life of humans. I have memories of this life and they are tied back to memories of the many ways we practiced in the past. See from my perspective bits of the lives I led, just whatever helpst me to understand something, or a primitive manner we did things, which I hoped to be used metaphorically, as inspiration.
I wrote from the context of a mind that had no clear sense of how I was effecting the world, or how intensely I was being watched. I thought my name was unknown except to the folks in the media, and spies and governments, but that I was a caste away at that point, and I was fighting to be heard when I felt silenced; fighting to be seen when I seemed invisible; a plan to keep me ignorant because I would not go along with crime, ended with me thinking I was alone and surrounded by hostile armies. No matter how nice some people were to me, Steven Colbert especially. I had no idea at the time that represented two groups, though he obviously held the same reverence I have for the farm workers, and others who have had to fight hard for the basic necessities in capitalism, and still were getting sprayed with Chemicals last I heard.
From the start, Colbert and Stewart were huge parts of my communicating with the masses. I would have listened to both of you more if I knew what was going on. How you went on with this sickening mess surrounding you, deserves medals and honors and history books. I know you both worked for some people who were not what they seemed, or you agreed to go along with... though you expected me to choose between the various people of the earth. In some race. In the end it was called a race, and cars are still used in the means they communicate whom my allies are.
Any metaphor, any description, cannot bring on the pain unless you were there. I was told. That was horrible enough. Those of you who followed what you were told was me, were caught in a cult that I did not know about, though I joked about such a thing... thirty years ago I wrote a long, joking letter about having a cult. After studying them a bit. No expert. I had read about them and never understood the certainty it would take to turn myself fully over to a religion. All of them applied contextually alone....
Religion is a tool. A hammer. It can be used to build houses for the people -- notice I do not say Church -- or it can be used to kill. When attacked physically, fine. When killing for doctrine, never.
I see the bible, perhaps, was the inspiration for some of the confusion people had with me. I am not the guy in the bible, though I show a lot of his traits, most of what is in there never happened. I find a few clues left through all the holy books, like the golden rule, which all the major ones have passages about, because this is the first rule of humanity, and can be spoken without words by strangers.
Tribes tried to live by this. They got along when they did. Sometimes, those who would not follow the laws prospered. Sometimes they became kings, for awhile. At first the people would rise up from all around the law breaker, and destroy them. Then they got too powerful, I suppose, in the end, now that crime is hidden from the eyes of the people. Now they can do nothing about their corrupt systems, for the most part. though in some parts of the world, that think of citizens over corporations, at heart.... there could be a solution. In the underground, which I barely understand, know only they tried to use me in operation bluebeam, brainwashed me into thinking I am Jesus... or they awakened Jesus, as I have written, by an Ironic God who chose to send the one creature who would not accept their bribes, could not be corrupted in the end.
From another perspective, I am a person who was involved in a revolution, or which the party that first started it, was stopped by me, and I then gained unheard powers in a life and death situation, where people were killing for God. Lowering the population by murder and suicide. I made jokes when I wrote comedy in a character about this, though in fact I would never have thought anyone was contemplating a genocide.. I had no great knowledge of the intelligence agencies, read enough to know they were evil, pretty much, causing wars all over the earth to fight the philosophy they would never allow a chance, Socialism. James Agee, read him in high school, one of the first to really expose the CIA,, had to live in Cuba to be safe. Long ago now since anyone like him has come along, and they would never allow his book to make the best sellers list that is for sure.
The peoples movements were attacked, as now the one percent is attacking the ninety nine percent... a class war that the wounded and dying do not even realize they are on a battlefield.
I wrote from the context of a mind that had no clear sense of how I was effecting the world, or how intensely I was being watched. I thought my name was unknown except to the folks in the media, and spies and governments, but that I was a caste away at that point, and I was fighting to be heard when I felt silenced; fighting to be seen when I seemed invisible; a plan to keep me ignorant because I would not go along with crime, ended with me thinking I was alone and surrounded by hostile armies. No matter how nice some people were to me, Steven Colbert especially. I had no idea at the time that represented two groups, though he obviously held the same reverence I have for the farm workers, and others who have had to fight hard for the basic necessities in capitalism, and still were getting sprayed with Chemicals last I heard.
From the start, Colbert and Stewart were huge parts of my communicating with the masses. I would have listened to both of you more if I knew what was going on. How you went on with this sickening mess surrounding you, deserves medals and honors and history books. I know you both worked for some people who were not what they seemed, or you agreed to go along with... though you expected me to choose between the various people of the earth. In some race. In the end it was called a race, and cars are still used in the means they communicate whom my allies are.
Any metaphor, any description, cannot bring on the pain unless you were there. I was told. That was horrible enough. Those of you who followed what you were told was me, were caught in a cult that I did not know about, though I joked about such a thing... thirty years ago I wrote a long, joking letter about having a cult. After studying them a bit. No expert. I had read about them and never understood the certainty it would take to turn myself fully over to a religion. All of them applied contextually alone....
Religion is a tool. A hammer. It can be used to build houses for the people -- notice I do not say Church -- or it can be used to kill. When attacked physically, fine. When killing for doctrine, never.
I see the bible, perhaps, was the inspiration for some of the confusion people had with me. I am not the guy in the bible, though I show a lot of his traits, most of what is in there never happened. I find a few clues left through all the holy books, like the golden rule, which all the major ones have passages about, because this is the first rule of humanity, and can be spoken without words by strangers.
Tribes tried to live by this. They got along when they did. Sometimes, those who would not follow the laws prospered. Sometimes they became kings, for awhile. At first the people would rise up from all around the law breaker, and destroy them. Then they got too powerful, I suppose, in the end, now that crime is hidden from the eyes of the people. Now they can do nothing about their corrupt systems, for the most part. though in some parts of the world, that think of citizens over corporations, at heart.... there could be a solution. In the underground, which I barely understand, know only they tried to use me in operation bluebeam, brainwashed me into thinking I am Jesus... or they awakened Jesus, as I have written, by an Ironic God who chose to send the one creature who would not accept their bribes, could not be corrupted in the end.
From another perspective, I am a person who was involved in a revolution, or which the party that first started it, was stopped by me, and I then gained unheard powers in a life and death situation, where people were killing for God. Lowering the population by murder and suicide. I made jokes when I wrote comedy in a character about this, though in fact I would never have thought anyone was contemplating a genocide.. I had no great knowledge of the intelligence agencies, read enough to know they were evil, pretty much, causing wars all over the earth to fight the philosophy they would never allow a chance, Socialism. James Agee, read him in high school, one of the first to really expose the CIA,, had to live in Cuba to be safe. Long ago now since anyone like him has come along, and they would never allow his book to make the best sellers list that is for sure.
The peoples movements were attacked, as now the one percent is attacking the ninety nine percent... a class war that the wounded and dying do not even realize they are on a battlefield.
Thursday, March 29, 2018
Fallen Angels... AND the Myth Goes on
The references to fallen angels is all over the media; an issue being dealt with or shown in a particular lying way to people and me, that I believe encompasses those who became caught up in OPERATION BLUEBEAM, where a man with a plan had no idea he was in another's plan. I could not lead a religion and never felt like I was, and when I DID HAVE TO I probably gave you the wrong advice. My response to asking me to go to war will always be why?
I was looked at as a pirate and a criminal for awhile, though this was never my intent. No image I have ever meant to show people... was immoral, to me. We certainly have different sensibilities, but when I have been filmed for years, in the bathroom and bedroom and one act is taken out of context and used to attack me enough to learn the truth. Thank God I did learn enough to
try to stop some of the damage, though things were far out of my hands from the start.
Regardless, this country needed action. You took it. Some of you I feel were misguided by believing I would give you orders contrary to your own free will. I would not do this in any major way, and certainly not to the level things were taken. I am on this earth to write scripture now. The cosmology I believe, though at the same time, if there are still those who need my sword than I have to be there, as well
I am not very hopeful for humankind over-all. We may be doomed from weather changes to a future of hellish lives for most, while a select few live in gated towns and cities. Floating cities, if the oceans are not too rancid or unpredictable. I have n
I was looked at as a pirate and a criminal for awhile, though this was never my intent. No image I have ever meant to show people... was immoral, to me. We certainly have different sensibilities, but when I have been filmed for years, in the bathroom and bedroom and one act is taken out of context and used to attack me enough to learn the truth. Thank God I did learn enough to
try to stop some of the damage, though things were far out of my hands from the start.
Regardless, this country needed action. You took it. Some of you I feel were misguided by believing I would give you orders contrary to your own free will. I would not do this in any major way, and certainly not to the level things were taken. I am on this earth to write scripture now. The cosmology I believe, though at the same time, if there are still those who need my sword than I have to be there, as well
I am not very hopeful for humankind over-all. We may be doomed from weather changes to a future of hellish lives for most, while a select few live in gated towns and cities. Floating cities, if the oceans are not too rancid or unpredictable. I have n
Thursday, January 4, 2018
I have another blog where I called the people who followed me a cult... an over simplification to correct.
I do not look at people who believed in me as evil. I do not see them as unforgivable. I see them as led by wolves wearing the blessing of a sheep they never had. Picking up a sword that was never yours to wield as one gent said in an astute song. I went to listen to a song that gives me strength, and utube put up in the middle the verde verde song about how I USED TO RULE TO WORLD, NOW I SWEEP THE STREETS. This was about me, because I would not go along with their charade. They want Christ, they get Christ... not a follower of blasphemy, a criminal, a...
The Mafia Christ, deadly spy working undercover, using a cult of people to take over the secret world... no, just a puppet of other guys, whose plans I screwed up, thank God. They did not tell me what they were doing, which drove me mad. People thought I came up with all this on my own, and only later was it revealed I was a product of intelligence meddling my entire life, because of my Grandfathers spy status as an underground, rebel Scottish king. Whatever the truth is does not matter to me about what I can only speculate about.
I have enough truth I know about first hand without speculating... in fact that is like putting myself on the rack, thinking about their crimes against humanity. I will learn more before this over, and God knows I may change my mind again about who is doing Justice, and who is selfishly breaking the Golden Rule. I am no nut about things, let their be multi millionaires, and after that tax the hell out of them... but the fortunes of the billionaires and trillionaires were acquired by crimes, and should be confiscated. This requires a world wide effort. Two of the super powers agree with me. I live in the belly of the beast that backs up the oligarchy.
Ah, I explain things to you, who I am trying to talk to... who know who I am. This is not a belief that has changed within me. What this being is, that is another story all together, long lost to lies and rewrites... play telephone once, and you can understand what happened. Still, I left messages to myself, words gentle people could live by in the new testament... words of war, they needed during the old testament. The warrior Jesus was removed mostly from the New Testament, and the latest evidence shows he died a revolutionary, between two other Zealots, as they called them. Thieves were not crucified during this time, their hands were cut off...
I do not know yet how to write to an audience that knows everything and more about my situation. I have to battle shame, horror, grief, and every other emotion associated with confronting the death of loved ones. I am sorry that people forced others into anything.... part of the plan, not mine. By the time you really came to me and said what should we do, I was so out of touch with the world I had no answers at all. You thought I was aware of so much.... a conversation could have changed the world many times over in my life. To not even have been granted this one reprieve... well, I expect the worst.
I do not want to abandon the people who believed in my vision of this world. The take I believe God inspired within me, though these were the words... not my life. I AM THE WORD. The flesh is just a man I am a soul passing thru, on a task. Maybe I am here to hold the hand of a dying earth, or maybe I am here to save earth from dying? My dream world is unlikely to come about, though this does not mean that I will not dream it, because my dreams have come true before, as if the fantasies alone brought about crazed things that I never in a million years thought would happen, that came true. In dark ways, never with the outcome I wanted.
I will never tell you that I matter in a spiritual way. God is so much greater than I am... you cannot compare us. I am an emissary. What such labels mean is nothing in the spirit world. Equality is a given. Thrones and crowns and monarchies are for humans. The way they have created civilizations, not the ways of the invisible world. People use the bible to hold up their way of thinking, ruling.
The bibles are political now. They can be aimed like a gun, at anyone, pretty much, with the right passage... or forgive anyone and say do not judge with another passage.
I want to bring all of you on a journey, with a very different beginning... but revolutions and often religions are created in violence. Does new passage of teaching have to replace everything that comes before? No, merely some of the bible is right... messages I sent to myself, I used to think, as I opened the bible to eerily close to my situation passages.
The Mafia Christ, deadly spy working undercover, using a cult of people to take over the secret world... no, just a puppet of other guys, whose plans I screwed up, thank God. They did not tell me what they were doing, which drove me mad. People thought I came up with all this on my own, and only later was it revealed I was a product of intelligence meddling my entire life, because of my Grandfathers spy status as an underground, rebel Scottish king. Whatever the truth is does not matter to me about what I can only speculate about.
I have enough truth I know about first hand without speculating... in fact that is like putting myself on the rack, thinking about their crimes against humanity. I will learn more before this over, and God knows I may change my mind again about who is doing Justice, and who is selfishly breaking the Golden Rule. I am no nut about things, let their be multi millionaires, and after that tax the hell out of them... but the fortunes of the billionaires and trillionaires were acquired by crimes, and should be confiscated. This requires a world wide effort. Two of the super powers agree with me. I live in the belly of the beast that backs up the oligarchy.
Ah, I explain things to you, who I am trying to talk to... who know who I am. This is not a belief that has changed within me. What this being is, that is another story all together, long lost to lies and rewrites... play telephone once, and you can understand what happened. Still, I left messages to myself, words gentle people could live by in the new testament... words of war, they needed during the old testament. The warrior Jesus was removed mostly from the New Testament, and the latest evidence shows he died a revolutionary, between two other Zealots, as they called them. Thieves were not crucified during this time, their hands were cut off...
I do not know yet how to write to an audience that knows everything and more about my situation. I have to battle shame, horror, grief, and every other emotion associated with confronting the death of loved ones. I am sorry that people forced others into anything.... part of the plan, not mine. By the time you really came to me and said what should we do, I was so out of touch with the world I had no answers at all. You thought I was aware of so much.... a conversation could have changed the world many times over in my life. To not even have been granted this one reprieve... well, I expect the worst.
I do not want to abandon the people who believed in my vision of this world. The take I believe God inspired within me, though these were the words... not my life. I AM THE WORD. The flesh is just a man I am a soul passing thru, on a task. Maybe I am here to hold the hand of a dying earth, or maybe I am here to save earth from dying? My dream world is unlikely to come about, though this does not mean that I will not dream it, because my dreams have come true before, as if the fantasies alone brought about crazed things that I never in a million years thought would happen, that came true. In dark ways, never with the outcome I wanted.
I will never tell you that I matter in a spiritual way. God is so much greater than I am... you cannot compare us. I am an emissary. What such labels mean is nothing in the spirit world. Equality is a given. Thrones and crowns and monarchies are for humans. The way they have created civilizations, not the ways of the invisible world. People use the bible to hold up their way of thinking, ruling.
The bibles are political now. They can be aimed like a gun, at anyone, pretty much, with the right passage... or forgive anyone and say do not judge with another passage.
I want to bring all of you on a journey, with a very different beginning... but revolutions and often religions are created in violence. Does new passage of teaching have to replace everything that comes before? No, merely some of the bible is right... messages I sent to myself, I used to think, as I opened the bible to eerily close to my situation passages.
Saturday, September 30, 2017
BEYOND WORDS
I am trying to digest what has happened
Determine future courses
Cautious now over cavalier
to lead a people thru this forest of dense lies
my boulder pushed up the mountain day after day as the vultures feed on my flesh
not as much of a burden as might be imagined and more than your brain will let
you imagine
the hurts beyond words
we feel before we settle down and get things together again
then only do we feel the naked horror of existence
the futures possible we put from our mind to stay at ease
Determine future courses
Cautious now over cavalier
to lead a people thru this forest of dense lies
my boulder pushed up the mountain day after day as the vultures feed on my flesh
not as much of a burden as might be imagined and more than your brain will let
you imagine
the hurts beyond words
we feel before we settle down and get things together again
then only do we feel the naked horror of existence
the futures possible we put from our mind to stay at ease
Saturday, April 15, 2017
Clearing Up A Few Things
You must first learn who your audience is, before you can preach, do comedy, drama, get a job, keep a job, make it through life with any finesse at all. We must morph from being to being to deal with the different situations arise, from the wise person when asked an honest question by a child, to an monster when physically attacked, to a lover seeing beyond all conditions, to... Jung called them archetypes; giving faces and stories to these sides of oneself sometimes makes it easier to call up the right person for the situation, especially if fear is chaining our warrior side when it is needed... I went thru various modes of training teaching me about these sides, and they help in my fiction... and life, a bit. Though most of my reactions come without thought.
My audience wants to know who and what I am. The government introduced me to the world as an alien Jesus... or one or both or... it was confusing to me, who felt like Jesus, and was in essence also an alien, though I felt under attack... and lied to confuse my enemy, to promote people who had been harmed by our society, or were getting screwed. This is why when I first became famous I made fun of white people a lot, but I meant it more this person is embarrassing my entire race. When it comes to revolution, the oppressed, who the newspapers lie about, and who are imprisoned when they are innocent, and out of work, are your army. I live in Chicago and drove cab, lived in black neighborhoods before and left with only great memories, and met people who ripped me off of all colors, though I never stereotyped the next customer who shared their race with the criminal I ran into. And I got ripped off a lot in the taxi, especially in Toledo, where people jumped out and ran, because there was no bus service, the blacks were all crammed into this shitty housing the government isolated from everything, near the dead downtown... blacks did this, to the point drivers would not pick them up. This was happening four or five times a week. The blacks pretty much hated the whites and the system. The town is prejudice as hell, companies I worked for flat out did not hire blacks. A terrible situation,,,, in Chicago, that barely ever happened, and it was all races. Drunks usually, though the occasional robbery, etc.
I had seen blacks get treated like shit my whole life, studied military intelligence under a communist who was considered the Jewish black panther, a huge figure in the revolutionary movement of the sixties, a young professor then, who saw his black comrades shot down in their sleep. I also took his classes on hip hop and black culture. I read of their struggle, still going on, and feel anyone who is oppressed deserves all the help I can give them, because that is justice, and being the kind of person I want to be.... so you started taping us, hoping for Jesus to pull the whole world together as planned, and instead getting a person who would not go along with you creating a Christ to lead to a one world government led by the king of kings....
You wanted a champion for white people. The elite. Christians. An Ayn Rand in a prophets robe. I wanted a better world. You just want the world for yourselves.
I am regretful that I lost my allies south of the boarder. Regretful I did not have time to think about opening the boarders, as I would have done with more intelligence... they told me I left five and a half million at the boarder. I never would have done such a thing had a known.
I remember often the day I realized this grand conspiracy I thought was swirling around me came down to a webcam in my apartment that all these people had access to, not just the news that hinted around about what I wrote. A man was holding up a child and she was saying FUCK. FUCK. ETC. I had written about how studies show intelligent people curse more, and curse myself a bit. I did not however expect that to morph into letting children curse, because it is important to learn when it appropriate and when not... etc... but this image came as the actor looked straight in my eye, wanting to talk to me directly through the bugged tv. I seldom did this, tried to ignore the people watching me because I hated when they reacted to me... with their little coded phrases. Then it flashed in my mind, an image the tv had of late flashed me, and one was me getting dressed, and for awhile I was wearing a woman's housecoat because frankly we had no other housecoat to wear. I did not think anyone would see me. They thought I was doing some stripper show for a webcam reality series, or some did. I felt sordid and used in that moment. My anger was not at the people from the show or the side the represented, because I loved that show and it unbeknownst to me showed my allies, the whites, gays, and Mexicans. I am honored that I had their approval. I am sorry I did not realize everyone could see me.
My actions were often a big fuck you to the enemies in the tv. I did not know what the hell was going on so I tried to appear scary and mysterious. I was still strongly feeling the voice of Jesus filling me, and my writing seemed to soar from the inspiration... that was supposed to be my truth. I gave up the material world to work on the writing, gave up practically everything. Then I find though I am bugged in the bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, and living room, that you found me on one camera masterbating was supposed to be a big deal to the people bugging me? I always thought there was some kind of filter, spies watching me, telling people things... I never in a million years would have thought I was famous and had this weird show that many felt was a new religion in the making, etc... others a revolution... others... They were right, though I was too distant from them to know these things. When I found out I was shocked.
I was so angry that I wrote about these shows, after hearing I had damaged the one because of what I wrote, and almost got another killed when I opened myself up to a BURN by telling people to do their worst to lampoon me, and people who look at me as a religious and political figure thought snl went to far and one prominent conservative advocating killing them and I had to say no to this three times... I wrote against the skits Saturday night did on me. Only after I was pissed to find out there was webcam into my apartment.
Things became stranger when I found out some people were living underground, as I wrote about in a short story which was not meant to be instructional, merely a short story I wrote... and before I knew I was the Christ. I was hidden in an angel who the Pilates of this world would never recognize as their enemy, the son of man. The Son Of God. After I knew who I was again, a shock of recognition that happens in every life I lead, after the time I live as a human, thinking I am human, to learn of the times I am in, the language I must use, the issues I must address. This time is easier than most... I think, because I believe I am here to end life on the planet. A mercy killing, that will release every soul on this planet, and remove the gravity of reincarnating back to earth, freeing the souls for the miraculous journey through space, as they are drawn toward an incredibly indescribable, warm, honey colored love emanating from God.
I was told by a friend out of the blue, who called to tell me two things in code.... They amounted to him telling me he saw a science fiction book about people living under ground, and when some came up they were so pissed they had to be shot. I did not know until that second that people had been living underground, though later I would even hear a Christian song mention THE FAITHFUL LIVING UNDERGROUND... then he mention two CIA murderers had gone fishing at the pier, and caught a salmon and a trout. That was the end of the conversation. I had no idea what he meant by fishing until I was told the next day my followers were being killed, and they seemed to think I wanted this to happen, questioned me on the topic, and at one point yelled BUSTED when they thought I admitting knowing this... I grieve for these people and ... I wish I had been able to meet them and talk to them. They would be alive today, but that was not part of the plan that I was a pawn within.
I did a painting I THOUGHT of as a warrior angel flying through space with a flock of fish, and was told by my connections people thought this looked like sending warriors after the fish... and they were being killed. I heard the tv one day tell me outright, YOUR PEOPLE ARE AFRAID... I was shocked, thinking I had people at all, and started telling them they had nothing to fear from me. I might yell at spies and let this incredible anger at having my life destroyed and knowing the horrors the cia and others did to bait me into a war... to learn people let their children watch, or even required as much. One sentence they told me, something about people studying my behavior for signs, and spending like every evening meeting, boggled my mind so much that to this day I do not have the balls to think about it too much yet. My mind literally swims at the thought of being watched to the extent I was. And to think that people were reacting so strongly to me when I thought I was being marginalized or used, was a mistake. I should have been told everything.
I keep remembering how they portrayed me as a pirate, when I wrote of revolution and said pirate if you have to, thinking of computer programs... after writing about a peaceful revolution run on our computers. This led to people taking money from people for a fund that if it had been used right could have funded later revolutionaries... But I was never in this for the money, and was never sure why I was portrayed as a pirate. Theft is not something I am comfortable with at all. This is ANOTHER reason I refused this money when it was offered to me, after a certain faction was stopped from taking over the states inadvertently by me, though an even worse group got in of course, I knew it had blood on it and was stolen. I thought I would make my fortune elsewhere now that I had all this fame.
I kept thinking it was only a matter of time before I would make money off my talents, but no... the pirate thing made people think I had tens of millions of dollars, but the real people in charge had all that money, I never saw a dime of it, or even really kind of believed it existed. I told them to give it to charities, though again, it should have went to revolutionary forces, not the people it did, who used the money for reasons that should not have been needed. They were owed money for services set up by the CIA and that is over. In my heart I have forgiven them, though I do not expect the same... at the very least they know I will never reveal their secrets.
You asked me a lot of questions I never answered over the years....I would have responded differently to them had I known my audience, had I known that the world was in my living with me and I had no control over the matter... that people even thought I wanted this. The thought made me murderous.
THE rape victim told I DESERVED IT because I wore a short skirt.
yo you ma playing with a singer riffing on how no one would be watching me when I WAS DEAD... I wanted to be dead instead of watched, but I was not going to let you kill me over what you did to me without serious fucking consequences to the bastards who attacked me. I did not want to die, I wanted to live to fight another day.
They suggested I kill myself so many times, even saying that was the way I would want it, to die with my soldiers. I did not want to die, not did I know the values of the people I was fighting with. One day I turned on the news to see this dog in trouble, and they were making out like this was me, because they called me a dog, and during this period something happened to put me in danger, though I only figured out what that was later.... these cats all wanted the dog to die. I later found out the philosophy of these dogs, and learned they do not believe in mix races marriages, and just said flat out, I am not a dog. The CIA show Mcfarlane runs on Fox showed the Chinese bringing in cats to a fight between blacks and the CIA, which actually happened in the underground, and I worked with Fox a lot for awhile.. I realized then that out of all these groups, I was a cat... the Chinese had always been there for me during my time in intelligence, supporting my leftist views, and allowing me to become a huge figure there with my literature and religion, to the point bibles are allowed in and Christian churches sprouted up all over, many studying my new writing, as was the CHURCH OF THE NEW CHRIST which worshipped me, something best reserved for God, because I am but a false Icon of God... his majesty is beyond anything I would want.
I bow to God alone on this planet, though I will use the Chinese greeting of nodding in respect with hands held together, as long as it is mutual. Chevy Chase and I did this to one another, after I realized the webcam went back and forth. For a long list of reasons, his character on community represented me.... a poor representation at best, though one which describes the family I come from, who I was stereotyped with, though I did not know them nor share their prejudices or blood lust.
They used tv heavily for a few years to get me messages about what was going on. I was technically a hostage of the blacks, taken after the whites made a play to harm them, which I did not find out about until years later, that fell apart.
My audience wants to know who and what I am. The government introduced me to the world as an alien Jesus... or one or both or... it was confusing to me, who felt like Jesus, and was in essence also an alien, though I felt under attack... and lied to confuse my enemy, to promote people who had been harmed by our society, or were getting screwed. This is why when I first became famous I made fun of white people a lot, but I meant it more this person is embarrassing my entire race. When it comes to revolution, the oppressed, who the newspapers lie about, and who are imprisoned when they are innocent, and out of work, are your army. I live in Chicago and drove cab, lived in black neighborhoods before and left with only great memories, and met people who ripped me off of all colors, though I never stereotyped the next customer who shared their race with the criminal I ran into. And I got ripped off a lot in the taxi, especially in Toledo, where people jumped out and ran, because there was no bus service, the blacks were all crammed into this shitty housing the government isolated from everything, near the dead downtown... blacks did this, to the point drivers would not pick them up. This was happening four or five times a week. The blacks pretty much hated the whites and the system. The town is prejudice as hell, companies I worked for flat out did not hire blacks. A terrible situation,,,, in Chicago, that barely ever happened, and it was all races. Drunks usually, though the occasional robbery, etc.
I had seen blacks get treated like shit my whole life, studied military intelligence under a communist who was considered the Jewish black panther, a huge figure in the revolutionary movement of the sixties, a young professor then, who saw his black comrades shot down in their sleep. I also took his classes on hip hop and black culture. I read of their struggle, still going on, and feel anyone who is oppressed deserves all the help I can give them, because that is justice, and being the kind of person I want to be.... so you started taping us, hoping for Jesus to pull the whole world together as planned, and instead getting a person who would not go along with you creating a Christ to lead to a one world government led by the king of kings....
You wanted a champion for white people. The elite. Christians. An Ayn Rand in a prophets robe. I wanted a better world. You just want the world for yourselves.
I am regretful that I lost my allies south of the boarder. Regretful I did not have time to think about opening the boarders, as I would have done with more intelligence... they told me I left five and a half million at the boarder. I never would have done such a thing had a known.
I remember often the day I realized this grand conspiracy I thought was swirling around me came down to a webcam in my apartment that all these people had access to, not just the news that hinted around about what I wrote. A man was holding up a child and she was saying FUCK. FUCK. ETC. I had written about how studies show intelligent people curse more, and curse myself a bit. I did not however expect that to morph into letting children curse, because it is important to learn when it appropriate and when not... etc... but this image came as the actor looked straight in my eye, wanting to talk to me directly through the bugged tv. I seldom did this, tried to ignore the people watching me because I hated when they reacted to me... with their little coded phrases. Then it flashed in my mind, an image the tv had of late flashed me, and one was me getting dressed, and for awhile I was wearing a woman's housecoat because frankly we had no other housecoat to wear. I did not think anyone would see me. They thought I was doing some stripper show for a webcam reality series, or some did. I felt sordid and used in that moment. My anger was not at the people from the show or the side the represented, because I loved that show and it unbeknownst to me showed my allies, the whites, gays, and Mexicans. I am honored that I had their approval. I am sorry I did not realize everyone could see me.
My actions were often a big fuck you to the enemies in the tv. I did not know what the hell was going on so I tried to appear scary and mysterious. I was still strongly feeling the voice of Jesus filling me, and my writing seemed to soar from the inspiration... that was supposed to be my truth. I gave up the material world to work on the writing, gave up practically everything. Then I find though I am bugged in the bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, and living room, that you found me on one camera masterbating was supposed to be a big deal to the people bugging me? I always thought there was some kind of filter, spies watching me, telling people things... I never in a million years would have thought I was famous and had this weird show that many felt was a new religion in the making, etc... others a revolution... others... They were right, though I was too distant from them to know these things. When I found out I was shocked.
I was so angry that I wrote about these shows, after hearing I had damaged the one because of what I wrote, and almost got another killed when I opened myself up to a BURN by telling people to do their worst to lampoon me, and people who look at me as a religious and political figure thought snl went to far and one prominent conservative advocating killing them and I had to say no to this three times... I wrote against the skits Saturday night did on me. Only after I was pissed to find out there was webcam into my apartment.
Things became stranger when I found out some people were living underground, as I wrote about in a short story which was not meant to be instructional, merely a short story I wrote... and before I knew I was the Christ. I was hidden in an angel who the Pilates of this world would never recognize as their enemy, the son of man. The Son Of God. After I knew who I was again, a shock of recognition that happens in every life I lead, after the time I live as a human, thinking I am human, to learn of the times I am in, the language I must use, the issues I must address. This time is easier than most... I think, because I believe I am here to end life on the planet. A mercy killing, that will release every soul on this planet, and remove the gravity of reincarnating back to earth, freeing the souls for the miraculous journey through space, as they are drawn toward an incredibly indescribable, warm, honey colored love emanating from God.
I was told by a friend out of the blue, who called to tell me two things in code.... They amounted to him telling me he saw a science fiction book about people living under ground, and when some came up they were so pissed they had to be shot. I did not know until that second that people had been living underground, though later I would even hear a Christian song mention THE FAITHFUL LIVING UNDERGROUND... then he mention two CIA murderers had gone fishing at the pier, and caught a salmon and a trout. That was the end of the conversation. I had no idea what he meant by fishing until I was told the next day my followers were being killed, and they seemed to think I wanted this to happen, questioned me on the topic, and at one point yelled BUSTED when they thought I admitting knowing this... I grieve for these people and ... I wish I had been able to meet them and talk to them. They would be alive today, but that was not part of the plan that I was a pawn within.
I did a painting I THOUGHT of as a warrior angel flying through space with a flock of fish, and was told by my connections people thought this looked like sending warriors after the fish... and they were being killed. I heard the tv one day tell me outright, YOUR PEOPLE ARE AFRAID... I was shocked, thinking I had people at all, and started telling them they had nothing to fear from me. I might yell at spies and let this incredible anger at having my life destroyed and knowing the horrors the cia and others did to bait me into a war... to learn people let their children watch, or even required as much. One sentence they told me, something about people studying my behavior for signs, and spending like every evening meeting, boggled my mind so much that to this day I do not have the balls to think about it too much yet. My mind literally swims at the thought of being watched to the extent I was. And to think that people were reacting so strongly to me when I thought I was being marginalized or used, was a mistake. I should have been told everything.
I keep remembering how they portrayed me as a pirate, when I wrote of revolution and said pirate if you have to, thinking of computer programs... after writing about a peaceful revolution run on our computers. This led to people taking money from people for a fund that if it had been used right could have funded later revolutionaries... But I was never in this for the money, and was never sure why I was portrayed as a pirate. Theft is not something I am comfortable with at all. This is ANOTHER reason I refused this money when it was offered to me, after a certain faction was stopped from taking over the states inadvertently by me, though an even worse group got in of course, I knew it had blood on it and was stolen. I thought I would make my fortune elsewhere now that I had all this fame.
I kept thinking it was only a matter of time before I would make money off my talents, but no... the pirate thing made people think I had tens of millions of dollars, but the real people in charge had all that money, I never saw a dime of it, or even really kind of believed it existed. I told them to give it to charities, though again, it should have went to revolutionary forces, not the people it did, who used the money for reasons that should not have been needed. They were owed money for services set up by the CIA and that is over. In my heart I have forgiven them, though I do not expect the same... at the very least they know I will never reveal their secrets.
You asked me a lot of questions I never answered over the years....I would have responded differently to them had I known my audience, had I known that the world was in my living with me and I had no control over the matter... that people even thought I wanted this. The thought made me murderous.
THE rape victim told I DESERVED IT because I wore a short skirt.
yo you ma playing with a singer riffing on how no one would be watching me when I WAS DEAD... I wanted to be dead instead of watched, but I was not going to let you kill me over what you did to me without serious fucking consequences to the bastards who attacked me. I did not want to die, I wanted to live to fight another day.
They suggested I kill myself so many times, even saying that was the way I would want it, to die with my soldiers. I did not want to die, not did I know the values of the people I was fighting with. One day I turned on the news to see this dog in trouble, and they were making out like this was me, because they called me a dog, and during this period something happened to put me in danger, though I only figured out what that was later.... these cats all wanted the dog to die. I later found out the philosophy of these dogs, and learned they do not believe in mix races marriages, and just said flat out, I am not a dog. The CIA show Mcfarlane runs on Fox showed the Chinese bringing in cats to a fight between blacks and the CIA, which actually happened in the underground, and I worked with Fox a lot for awhile.. I realized then that out of all these groups, I was a cat... the Chinese had always been there for me during my time in intelligence, supporting my leftist views, and allowing me to become a huge figure there with my literature and religion, to the point bibles are allowed in and Christian churches sprouted up all over, many studying my new writing, as was the CHURCH OF THE NEW CHRIST which worshipped me, something best reserved for God, because I am but a false Icon of God... his majesty is beyond anything I would want.
I bow to God alone on this planet, though I will use the Chinese greeting of nodding in respect with hands held together, as long as it is mutual. Chevy Chase and I did this to one another, after I realized the webcam went back and forth. For a long list of reasons, his character on community represented me.... a poor representation at best, though one which describes the family I come from, who I was stereotyped with, though I did not know them nor share their prejudices or blood lust.
They used tv heavily for a few years to get me messages about what was going on. I was technically a hostage of the blacks, taken after the whites made a play to harm them, which I did not find out about until years later, that fell apart.
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