THE CANNABALISM

The eating of human flesh.  I read over waking up jesus and came across the poem that must have solidified this belief.   I heard of various instances of this, on ships for reasons that are unclear -- and make me glad when they kept talking about some ship of mine that I finally said, HEY, THAT IS NOT MY SHIP...  after realizing I was being associated with something I didn't yet understand.  All those teaching moments for me, written in blood, in letters huge enough to fill city streets from coast to coast...

I know of what I have said of sausage.  I know no details, other than I what I THOUGHT was a joke, soon enough proved to be something else I laughed at on the webcam, looking psychotic as hell.  When in reality I would not have been laughing at all, but I was not in reality, I was in a mental cage, a prison, far from reality.   Believing life was not what they were telling me, but what I had come to believe, to cope with the intrusion into my existence, and the horrors I  could not even face...  or when I did felt so helpless that...  as  I feel now.  "At least you have your arms."   I saved the jobs of men who cut off the arms of people who tried to launch an internet revolution, instead of sticking to the OPERATION BLUEBEAM script they had going.  People thought there was no army behind me because they were told this.  What a crock of shit.  Said to hide the army behind me, though I believed their lies.

When you have absolutely NO ONE to whom you can discuss your existence, as I do, who can relate, there is little more I can do except write down the events.   The problem is that I am wrong, and at times loath to put me in the harsh light I deserve for certain actions.  That is not because I do not feel it, it means these are the secrets I will keep, because most often those are the memories that would hurt current allies, or bring names into this who acted on orders that did not seem monstrous at the time, or became so... or were.   I have to FORGIVE EVERYONE.   I do not have to trust you, or even let you live, though part of forgiving is giving people a chance at redemption, once that has proven impossible  I am done -- and if I decide ahead of time, now that so many failed this test in the best to bloody results on my side...  if you have no chance, die.   I however am not your cliche' Christian when it comes to judging people.   AND I DO NOT THINK death is the end, or a sentence to hell for eternity.

I know of what happened in Colorado from four mentions in the press.  I do not know what happened there.    Watched Dominion after a spy said those are your people.  All these lesser angels.  Where the hell did these ideas come from?   Angels.   I wish the idea had never entered peoples minds as they did not in my case until  I used them as metaphors, and pondered them, after waking up Jesus.  I wish now I had never used the word.  No privileges should be afforded to people for being anything.  Nor should any crap.   Angels.  I have never met one, that I know of.  A ghost is the only supernatural creature I have met.  Though once, when I was bed ridden, and laying in a bed at street level, I turned over and there in the window, inches from me, was an alien face, complete with saliva on the teeth and so realistic, noting like a mask could make or anything, about four foot high.  It did look a bit demonic with pointed ears.  A huge mouth with teeth that were dirty and dripping saliva...  the absolute realism of the object convinced me either it was a hallucination or real.   I had never had a hallucination before without LSD, and nothing remotely like this.

Though since they had plans for me, perhaps they spent the godzillion dollars on the make up... star wars had just come out?   They tried to be careful with me, create the leader of a one world religion out of a guy who would show angelic tendencies one moment, then be an asshole in the next.

MODERN FAMILY

I was humbled by your work for the cause.  I was humbled when I heard one of you say I AM GETTING A NEW TATTOO, after I wrote about kill or be killed.  I also heard, TELL HIM WHAT HE DID TO MODERN FAMILY.  I did not mean for you to be the person who was there when I suddenly realized this feed was directly into my life and all kinds of people were watching me, when they flashed a picture of me in my green house coat, with the camera angle from the tv....   I felt cheapened by that, not you...  not you... God, no.  I heard you dissed and tried to clear that up as quick as possible..

I did not know many things at that point.  Of course.  I think of that moment a lot, is my point.  I know that on certain matters we disagree, and on other matters you feel like I betrayed you.  No.  I did what I believed was best for all people, not one.  The idea that some are chosen and some are not is what gets us into these messes.  Equality is what is needed, and instead of the shoulder to shoulder I wrote of so many times, i was thrust into a role that I never wanted. 

I do not know the state of affairs.   I do not know if you have gotten over this racial barrier, if you are feeling like only a few people get to live still, or what...  I know I sure see a lot of stuff.  Like HEART INDUSTRIES on the BLOOD RACE or whatever the show was, where only the cop lived.   I saw the batman and how superman was going to commit suicide and then is saved by batman.  Batman had nothing to do with it.  You lie and lie and lie.  Masonic shit I do not care about.  I will not join your club of secrecy, though I sure would like to know what you are doing for my own edification.   I know there are some good people in these organizations, or whatever...  though they know where I come from now, and whether they are with me or against me, I have no idea.  I walk this earth alone, especially now that you put me in a spotlight.  When you accused me of asking for that torture I wanted to kill you so bad, yo you ma.   I have to forgive people... one moment you liked me, the next we were enemies, and all because you people never told me what was happening.   As soon as you did I tried my best to stop it,, but I sure as hell did not know what I was doing.

I have just been getting educated so far.  At this point, I write that I am pissed at people and want blood, but that is not really true, I suppose.  I do not need revenge, much as I want it...  lust for it..  the monster in me screams for blood.  I will not however allow you to slander people, calling them fallen angels, when in fact they are the victims of intelligence using religion and cults for their own purposes.  I have no idea what I am.  I do not know how much of me is created by them, or God.  I know I have seen miracles, and had very bizarre experiences over the years.   I also know I was brainwashed...  at the same time, what if I did start to grow wings... why else would they give me all that chemotherapy...  why....  wings.  Makes sense if they used alien dna.  or whatever.

I do not care what is true or not as far as the mystical is concerned, I love my God of love.  I love my God of the Golden Rule, who I saw in a vision the night I saw myself destroying the earth.   Where did that come from... was it inserted, do they have the ability to make you dream such things... I do not think so.

I am not going to back down no matter what you do.  I see Fox messing with me.  I also think, you have no idea when I lied to you and when I told you the truth... and I did mess with you, thinking only spies saw me.  The feeling of mortification that fills me at the thought off being seen by all those people sickens me.  I am very private.  To be paraded in front of the world at my very worst, as my world fell apart and I was alice in wonderland.  First you made me a pirate, when I would not accept stolen money or blood money, you thought I was crazy... went ahead and became pirates.   I had no idea what you were doing behind my back, though I saw signs that terrified me all the time.  Hated the red eye saying TOTAL RECALL when I began to remember being Christ.   I was a long way from knowing what that means, or the place of such a being in this world.  God is the word, and the word is God.
Not actions.  Words.  Words which propel, or stop, action.  Premeditation before action...

I am tired of seeing Ophra and obama together.  Is he a Nazi, too?  Is that what happened...  God, the thought sickens me, though..  I guess they all try to get along.  That is what is best, keep the common goal in mind... as long as it is remembered that various voices will decide the future, not one.  No one is supreme, or chosen.

I assumed you knew all these things because I wrote them, then come to find out that you saw me bitching at the spies.. I guess I began doing that in my writing, too...

YOUR PEOPLE ARE AFRAID

i HEARD one night and I crumbled inside, saying you have nothing to fear from me....  I had no idea what was going on out there.  And then the idiots in the CIA decided to make me the sacrificial lamb...  hide all of their actions behind this evil guy who did these things.  Do you really think one person could have done this... Lord, it was planned, not some huge revolution about religion. 

I was going crazy and wanted to be left alone, but then violence entered in.  Had I known what I wrote about Jeb Bush would cause him harm I never would have said such a thing.  I would not operate like that...  I wanted everyone forgiven...  then Bush wanted to crown me Christ, and I thought he was crowning himself.   I could not even conceive of wanting those things, or to be king of the world, or the emperor.  When I heard the report of a man dying to get on the news THE emperor wants Colorado, I would have vehemently denied this if I had known you were taking clues from me.  They did not want me calling for a revolution, that took them by surprise, put a chink in operation bluebeam having me go along, or go along as a Christ who was here to say the church is perfect.  i WOULD NOT be here if I did not have something to say, or would not be exposed.  However dangerous that became. 

You can think of me what you want.  I cannot really care about that, though I do...  it cannot effect me unless it is something that I need to change.

There is nothing I can do if my reputation is gone.  I would not want anything to happen if people looked at me as someone to worship, or a person who wants to tell them how to live..   I could not believe there was a cult, when I hated cults so much, all my life, would never have used one, and there I was.   Or perhaps some had waited their entire lives for me to become something.   I feel I have become something as I write, feel the presence of God in the room, and the universes around me, the complexity...

ONCE

twenty twenty
with flashes of existential insight
the only understanding I have
the moment a blur in the footage


I used to write we were all raised in a maze
rat who never knew there was world outside
UNTIL I BIT the hand that fed me
Changed everything
they put me in a cage
and I saw others in cages as well


In my dreams I see humans in cages
some hauled off to die
one woman yelled I only spit on the sidewalk


I wake to knowledge much worse than
I have ever dreamt
for awhile I said OH GOD
the second I awoke every morning
to the nightmare of the intelligence world
what I had heard the day before
waking to the nightmare is not unique
happens all over the world and I am humbled
enough to know my life is a luxury compared to most
though nothing at all to the hoarding rich
counting on their stacks of Gold to defend
them against change
to buy the best soldiers
use the best psy ops
own the right people

The world wanted a God
came to me
as the mission called for
when I wrote in the voice of Jesus
calling out for a being
that I would not pretend to be


I had my mind raped by a brainwashing
three days blank to me and agnostic
to a man in touch with God....
in a trance writing religious poetry
in the voice off a pissed off Jesus


I was kept sealed in a room of lies
spies all around me who would reveal nothing
couldn't
had orders
I found out there was mayhem because of my words
on television and people passing in the streets
double meanings some places
in sealed off chicago they watched me gut
the conservative racists who let me get close enough
with my confused and THANKFULLY God chosen ways
allowed me to fuck things up
that was my job
to stop the machinery in place


I was a puppet for people
who would not reveal their intentions
because they knew
I would not follow orders
that I would follow my morals
many feared this
because our work was horrifying
beyond what you would ever see in a horror movie
no one would go as far as they did
their only audience would be the psychopaths
who see this as war
not just a senseless slaughter


I grew into a bloody monster
to fight them on common ground
to show them the consequences
in a way that would echo down the generations
now sealed away
in cia files
for fifty years
and also seen all over the world
because the mission was more of a success
than the enemy has any clue


I was
Used to push the races apart when my objective
was always the opposite, since my earliest memories


You did not count on the morality inside of me already
you idiotically took my writing to mean I lacked morals
when my morality puts yours to shame as you now know
because you have none
 though you use it to harm others
destroy their reputations


I lived with cameras for six years
they took revolting footage of me all the time
saw things
I wanted private
to rebel I lived as I would without them
i told myself/ thought that was impossible


when they released pornographic footage of me
allowed that to go everywhere


bewildered and blind
lashing out at people
who were murdered
when I meant only to debate their words
vent my anger
my sorrow for tommy smothers
and all he represents
his face I loved like his brothers
heroes of mine since childhood
he came out against what a brave man would
I had no idea what he was criticizing
just knew it had to do with my slogan
total war for total peace
his brother told me two years ago
tommy was dead, not retired...
as they say


most of the dead I have no faces for
I know their representatives
who live
a few celebrities who died because
they got in the middle of the psy op war
or offended a lot of the wrong people
one enslaved who was able to tell me
with a hit tv show
how many he represented I never knew
when he was freed from the man who bought them
he thanked me and dissed the cops
who let that kind of things slide with the elite
the Scots went in with extreme measures
helped by the marines
I told them to kill the slave owners
and give their property to the slaves
I have no idea what they really did


They were so worried I would talk
Underestimated what I do not know
and my skill at editing what will only cause more trouble
though now
that I know
my words can kill
and you have shown me evil
I will not turn away from
I have to use what I have
this is what my allies and soldiers
ask of me


I feel guilt when I think of
living in a fortress city
while others did what they were told
I wanted
as they watched a guy
they were told was an angel or god
or a demi god or jesus or a charlatan
who was causing problems
or the result of operation bluebeam
leaving their Jesus
alive
fearing the unthinkable
should they attack
at first
then finding me useful


I am attacked by the right all the time
my hidden stories addressed in ways no one
who is not in on it would get
inside jokes that are not jokes at all
that speak of hellish matters
I asked Jerrry Seinfeld's father how
he could give me this news
on a show and still laugh as he did it
he told me acting
I was devasted.


They have such control of television
I am more ignorant about what went on around me
than I understand. The little I know
left me with enough knowledge
to see politics is simply
how one group uses their power
other groups use theirs in different ways
they are criminals, deadly
KUBRICK said stay away from power...
it is dangerous
I was given power after this by communist
who share more with me politically than the groups
I met in the underground
all who tried to claim me

I was proud and honored though confused
by those who wanted me to lead them
I had no idea I was being held hostage
that there were racial issues involved
in an underground world I KNEW NOTHING ABOUT
though I was expected to know
asked questions about
that I could not answer
I have been shown what I can
and seemingly cannot do



I have no urge to piss people off
for no good reason
anymore

I will not quit writing about those who died
they deserve at least one poet to sing their song
though I am sure others
kept from me
are doing the same
after they destroyed the religious people
in detroit after driving them mad
with alleged orders from your mafia god
emperor... who told you at every turn
this is not who I am
showed you on an illicit camera from
which I had no escape
that is not who I am


I was willing to do whatever
I could to help this world
I still am
a hopeless man berift of interests
that compare to working
on the life and death matters
life and man and maybe GOD?
have asked for my help with

I did not want what I did not earn
most people do not care how they get
they accused me of hating power and money
like these were horrible things
They accused me of wanting
to kill all the blue bloods
steal their stuff
give it to my crazy followers
They tell me tales of cannabalism
orders to kill humans and kill themselves
my words taken out of the context
used in ways I would not have dreamt of
the comedy got me the platform
the offer of the radio show and movie making
came from this
the movement

I meant to start
woud help unions
help stop the war
get pot legalized
tell the kids about the left
as the democrats betrayed them
lead marches
my handlers wanted the world
believed in this angel this Christ.
some/I believed
to the extent my politics became lost
in a dream of bringing peace and freedom
thru war


I went from wanting to run a peaceful
campaign leading to revolutionary changes
to finding ou that the world I operated in
did not exist.... there was a hidden, real world
available with just a few words as the key
my plan meant nothing there
they murderred the peaceful
protest signs against mercenaries
highly trained and skilled at mass killings


backed by an efficent method
of disposing of all the bodies piling up
seth rogen made a film about sausages
I cannot watch it
I saw his this is the end
where the character based on me
the guy who everyone saw masterbate
appalling me enough I lost forty pounds
could not eat
sickened by everyone's reaction
still under the delusion that the people
monitoring me were enemies, spies
who else would do this to me?
I thought at the time
not knowing they were stealing
free will from people
who I cared about
as I do for those who
see something compelling
in my writing

my readers who others told
I wished them to dress certain ways
take a vision I had of returning to spirit
and how the angels who greet me nod silently
which I meant happened after death
to making people think there were angels
no matter how bad they acted
to become mute

OH COME ON
is the name of David Crosses new tour
he refers to me in the first joke
misquotes me and lies about me
or misunderstands my message?

I was not impressed with the strength of the Jews
do not think they secretly run the world
some are part of the oligarchy
so are white Christian raised people
they are all green a morals to me

I cannot tell anymore how the Jews see me
I have acted in ways that...
defy any associations I have
I always will


difference is now I do not care
if we think differently
as long as we act as one
against an enemy
who may have already won


I write on and on everyday
about the same things
thinking often of how Obama himself
mocked me for saying I LOVE EVERYONE
he had seen my critical writing
had no idea what was going on
in my heart and head and soul

I despise what humans do
though I never kid myself into thinking
I am all that much better
I just hope some poor bastard does not try
to reinvent the tire in that particular manner


In God's eye
I look the same
as you in the end
for all I know
souls
that struggle thru the unimaginable
to find love