ONCE

twenty twenty
with flashes of existential insight
the only understanding I have
the moment a blur in the footage


I used to write we were all raised in a maze
rat who never knew there was world outside
UNTIL I BIT the hand that fed me
Changed everything
they put me in a cage
and I saw others in cages as well


In my dreams I see humans in cages
some hauled off to die
one woman yelled I only spit on the sidewalk


I wake to knowledge much worse than
I have ever dreamt
for awhile I said OH GOD
the second I awoke every morning
to the nightmare of the intelligence world
what I had heard the day before
waking to the nightmare is not unique
happens all over the world and I am humbled
enough to know my life is a luxury compared to most
though nothing at all to the hoarding rich
counting on their stacks of Gold to defend
them against change
to buy the best soldiers
use the best psy ops
own the right people

The world wanted a God
came to me
as the mission called for
when I wrote in the voice of Jesus
calling out for a being
that I would not pretend to be


I had my mind raped by a brainwashing
three days blank to me and agnostic
to a man in touch with God....
in a trance writing religious poetry
in the voice off a pissed off Jesus


I was kept sealed in a room of lies
spies all around me who would reveal nothing
couldn't
had orders
I found out there was mayhem because of my words
on television and people passing in the streets
double meanings some places
in sealed off chicago they watched me gut
the conservative racists who let me get close enough
with my confused and THANKFULLY God chosen ways
allowed me to fuck things up
that was my job
to stop the machinery in place


I was a puppet for people
who would not reveal their intentions
because they knew
I would not follow orders
that I would follow my morals
many feared this
because our work was horrifying
beyond what you would ever see in a horror movie
no one would go as far as they did
their only audience would be the psychopaths
who see this as war
not just a senseless slaughter


I grew into a bloody monster
to fight them on common ground
to show them the consequences
in a way that would echo down the generations
now sealed away
in cia files
for fifty years
and also seen all over the world
because the mission was more of a success
than the enemy has any clue


I was
Used to push the races apart when my objective
was always the opposite, since my earliest memories


You did not count on the morality inside of me already
you idiotically took my writing to mean I lacked morals
when my morality puts yours to shame as you now know
because you have none
 though you use it to harm others
destroy their reputations


I lived with cameras for six years
they took revolting footage of me all the time
saw things
I wanted private
to rebel I lived as I would without them
i told myself/ thought that was impossible


when they released pornographic footage of me
allowed that to go everywhere


bewildered and blind
lashing out at people
who were murdered
when I meant only to debate their words
vent my anger
my sorrow for tommy smothers
and all he represents
his face I loved like his brothers
heroes of mine since childhood
he came out against what a brave man would
I had no idea what he was criticizing
just knew it had to do with my slogan
total war for total peace
his brother told me two years ago
tommy was dead, not retired...
as they say


most of the dead I have no faces for
I know their representatives
who live
a few celebrities who died because
they got in the middle of the psy op war
or offended a lot of the wrong people
one enslaved who was able to tell me
with a hit tv show
how many he represented I never knew
when he was freed from the man who bought them
he thanked me and dissed the cops
who let that kind of things slide with the elite
the Scots went in with extreme measures
helped by the marines
I told them to kill the slave owners
and give their property to the slaves
I have no idea what they really did


They were so worried I would talk
Underestimated what I do not know
and my skill at editing what will only cause more trouble
though now
that I know
my words can kill
and you have shown me evil
I will not turn away from
I have to use what I have
this is what my allies and soldiers
ask of me


I feel guilt when I think of
living in a fortress city
while others did what they were told
I wanted
as they watched a guy
they were told was an angel or god
or a demi god or jesus or a charlatan
who was causing problems
or the result of operation bluebeam
leaving their Jesus
alive
fearing the unthinkable
should they attack
at first
then finding me useful


I am attacked by the right all the time
my hidden stories addressed in ways no one
who is not in on it would get
inside jokes that are not jokes at all
that speak of hellish matters
I asked Jerrry Seinfeld's father how
he could give me this news
on a show and still laugh as he did it
he told me acting
I was devasted.


They have such control of television
I am more ignorant about what went on around me
than I understand. The little I know
left me with enough knowledge
to see politics is simply
how one group uses their power
other groups use theirs in different ways
they are criminals, deadly
KUBRICK said stay away from power...
it is dangerous
I was given power after this by communist
who share more with me politically than the groups
I met in the underground
all who tried to claim me

I was proud and honored though confused
by those who wanted me to lead them
I had no idea I was being held hostage
that there were racial issues involved
in an underground world I KNEW NOTHING ABOUT
though I was expected to know
asked questions about
that I could not answer
I have been shown what I can
and seemingly cannot do



I have no urge to piss people off
for no good reason
anymore

I will not quit writing about those who died
they deserve at least one poet to sing their song
though I am sure others
kept from me
are doing the same
after they destroyed the religious people
in detroit after driving them mad
with alleged orders from your mafia god
emperor... who told you at every turn
this is not who I am
showed you on an illicit camera from
which I had no escape
that is not who I am


I was willing to do whatever
I could to help this world
I still am
a hopeless man berift of interests
that compare to working
on the life and death matters
life and man and maybe GOD?
have asked for my help with

I did not want what I did not earn
most people do not care how they get
they accused me of hating power and money
like these were horrible things
They accused me of wanting
to kill all the blue bloods
steal their stuff
give it to my crazy followers
They tell me tales of cannabalism
orders to kill humans and kill themselves
my words taken out of the context
used in ways I would not have dreamt of
the comedy got me the platform
the offer of the radio show and movie making
came from this
the movement

I meant to start
woud help unions
help stop the war
get pot legalized
tell the kids about the left
as the democrats betrayed them
lead marches
my handlers wanted the world
believed in this angel this Christ.
some/I believed
to the extent my politics became lost
in a dream of bringing peace and freedom
thru war


I went from wanting to run a peaceful
campaign leading to revolutionary changes
to finding ou that the world I operated in
did not exist.... there was a hidden, real world
available with just a few words as the key
my plan meant nothing there
they murderred the peaceful
protest signs against mercenaries
highly trained and skilled at mass killings


backed by an efficent method
of disposing of all the bodies piling up
seth rogen made a film about sausages
I cannot watch it
I saw his this is the end
where the character based on me
the guy who everyone saw masterbate
appalling me enough I lost forty pounds
could not eat
sickened by everyone's reaction
still under the delusion that the people
monitoring me were enemies, spies
who else would do this to me?
I thought at the time
not knowing they were stealing
free will from people
who I cared about
as I do for those who
see something compelling
in my writing

my readers who others told
I wished them to dress certain ways
take a vision I had of returning to spirit
and how the angels who greet me nod silently
which I meant happened after death
to making people think there were angels
no matter how bad they acted
to become mute

OH COME ON
is the name of David Crosses new tour
he refers to me in the first joke
misquotes me and lies about me
or misunderstands my message?

I was not impressed with the strength of the Jews
do not think they secretly run the world
some are part of the oligarchy
so are white Christian raised people
they are all green a morals to me

I cannot tell anymore how the Jews see me
I have acted in ways that...
defy any associations I have
I always will


difference is now I do not care
if we think differently
as long as we act as one
against an enemy
who may have already won


I write on and on everyday
about the same things
thinking often of how Obama himself
mocked me for saying I LOVE EVERYONE
he had seen my critical writing
had no idea what was going on
in my heart and head and soul

I despise what humans do
though I never kid myself into thinking
I am all that much better
I just hope some poor bastard does not try
to reinvent the tire in that particular manner


In God's eye
I look the same
as you in the end
for all I know
souls
that struggle thru the unimaginable
to find love