the eating of flesh, human and otherwise...

I mean to address the issues that arose around the acolytes, fallen angels, or whatever animal name arose around myself and others during this time, with the governments all over me, asking me to be... I guess an icon.  Yuck.  They are deceptive, and a bit less than worthless, because the dead who you call saints reincarnated and are not listening to you.   I am alive and trying to listen to you, but humans have grown so deceitful in these times....  they are afraid to tell the doctor their symptoms... leave him to guess from a few hints, yes, like they did with me in intelligence... lead us with no intel on what is happening in the world.... no, always lead yourself.   Justice needs no explanation.   Before the criminality was thrust on me, like the intelligence agencies and others.

I learned little of what was thought of me, but when I found out, my mistake of taking the entire world as my enemy, or someone I had to please...  as I dealt with surreal jailors who showed me one reality on television with their messages, and another in my day to day, for the most part.   The visits in the summer of the different groups I remember, saying people should rotate in to see the Christ if they wished...   I remember saying all of these things, believing them the best solution at the time.   I did not want to become the property of the wealthy, which is how I was introduced, bankers saying we bring you angels...

Only later when I was to offend you enough that you would openly criticize me was I able to get at the truth.  I learned the only way to get your attention, to assure a response, was to be negative.  I hated that.  I wanted to verify something and wrote some criticism against someone I like to assure myself they were on my side...  I was able to apologize, and stupidly believed at the time that if I did not publish it, it would not get rid.   The extent of the cameras and the ability of people to react to things I WOULD NOT have made public....  I can be a hot head, but I calm down long before there I would hit someone.   Let alone kill someone.   WORDS ARE WORDS.  BLOOD IS BLOOD.   I believed there was a separation between my words and the blood.  When I learned they were one and the same I did not know how to process all of it.   I had to go over all the years and think of all the different groups, with different perspectives, who saw me ranting at the tv, who took me for a stripper...  I have nothing against strippers...

When I realized my life was just some damn web show, not the unveiling of Christ, but a stripper thing because of where I put my dresser.   The bedroom was filled with mary ann's crap and I could do nothing about people watching me, so I REBELLED by living just as I wanted.   Not IN A WAY that was respectful, as I would have, had I known enough.   No...  as GOD WANTED ME TO BE, WRATHFUL and to tell you the bloody truth, I returned with a sword.  This sword has killed few compared to the river of blood that will flow from it in the future,  I DID NOT WANT many of the things you did, though some turned out to be the right thing.   Staying out of it, even underground, was better than dying.  A lot of people died that they hid from you.   To say I planned for any of these things to happen...   To pretend you understood me...   for me to pretend you understood me?   When I found it was assumed I was misogynist I was stunned...  I had taken all these feminist philosophy classes, and in my writing never came off like that, or in my life.   I was stupid when I was young about love....  but I learned.

I could not understand the Joker, the first mask, though I saw all the things I had done, dared you to kill me, and burning the money, and I do not want to ever remember much more.   The blood of heath ledger is all over the people's hands who made that movie.  The elite who fight the rise of a leader from the common man, with a big brain and even bigger balls...   they saw I have a few powers and they rightfully fear them, as I do.   The last thing in the world I wish to do is unleash the fire from the earth and the lightening from the sky across this planet...  though in one ending of my story, this is my role here, to give  you a good death, spare you the slow agony of your world falling apart and humans and animals dying out.  Destroyed by your pollution.  A green house effect started, which humans cannot stop, and is already self perpetuating.  Nothing we can do will stop it.  We could never pollute again, and the warming we have already seen is enough to keep the greenhouse going without us, until the atmosphere becomes pure acid.

I do not know what you angels did, or how you designated yourselves angels...  I remember saying all gays are angels, which I would have corrected and given huge footnotes if I thought people were going to take me as serious as they did.   I wanted gay people left alone and went too far that night.   I was half out of my mind.   Taking what I thought would be a brief moment in the media to say all these things people never hear.   I wanted to be the voice of oppressed.   I am here for them, and this I have told you from the beginning.

I was used in a mission, and you were convinced to go along.   NOW that we know the truth, continuing on with our lives, and the corrected mission, worked out when I realized I was there to learn what they were up to, so I could fight them later, as I did...  and we always will.   Those at my back are not there for the sake of religion.  I thought they were at first, not revolutionaries, who knowing none and seeing no signs there of...  but there were all sorts of reasons.   I thought my writing was the sum of my communication with the world, and finding out this was not true.  UGH....   I JUST SHUT OFF THE COMPUTER and talked to you directly.   There was nothing else I could do.  Interrogated for the shit you did.

ALL OF YOU... NEVER ASSUME YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO...  AND NEVER ASK ME A QUESTION I HAVE NO WAY OF ANSWERING.    You flash icons on tv one night and I see you are attacking someone...   and another night...   I ask why, I just want to know...  I do not know what was happening or my answers would have been entirely different.

Now with a few years reflection on the tiny I know, I am humbled.  Too humbled to speak on the matter that some found my life interesting, though at the same time, I would exchange all that in a heart beat to stop what became of this.  I do not care about fame.  I would like a bit more fortune, though I am fine, have always lived like I do, or worse.  As long as my mission is not interfered with I just have to continue.

The mission  I spoke of so much.... as I tried and tried to figure out what the hell you people were doing, and why the continued interest in me?  Had I any idea of what I had unleashed, I would have shot the mad beast down.   Or I would have not have driven them mad in the first place.  Lying about me, hiding me, etc.   The hostage shit.   Lord, people...   used me to their advantage.  Or thought they were following orders from me.  I do not know how to pick up the pieces of this and create a being that can go on...  some days,   The hells people went thru, that I sat there and heard about without understanding why these things were happening, let alone why were even telling me.    You think I acted like a megalomaniac on that webcam at times, no...   a megalomaniac would have believed they had always this hidden power, and used it.  I acted in certain manners to try to keep an enemy at bay, these nebulous people who had the media saying things about me.  NOW I SPEAK OF LATER....  after the time I TOLD YOU TO BURN ME, ANDYOU RESPONDED...THANK GOD.

Only your enemies will tell you the truth, I guess.  Or you were not allowed in this case, evidently, to safely say much.   I saw once on seth greens show a guy getting punched by a girl for putting down someone called Johnny... and I could tell it was about me, because they touched on the stuff I said a lot, as did others, as the world watched what many thought was a GOD, others a revolutionary leader.

This is where you humans, as I tend to call people when I allow the inner Jesus to come out and onto the page.   This is not something  I have Consciously done in awhile with my writing, though in another way that is always the subtext, the Christ within giving his take on the events.








  God hears and knows all.  Prayer is to bring you in touch with the Love of God.   This is all.

  No object can do God justice, and to pretend we know how he looks is...   confusing to people and lessens the enormity.   I saw the face of God and to say God, which you would no more apply a gender to than a grain of sand....   or what  God wanted me to see as his face.  The mask I needed to see at that time.

I


  Dead people have nothing to do with the living, pretty much.   They reincarnate.

JESUS TALK

I heard butterflies die if you set them free from their cocoons,
because they learn co ordination and vigor and strength fighting their way out.
I have no idea if this is true or not.

The creature I am
broke through the granite walls that were my cocoon.
Granite cocoons with walls so thick
most never dream there is a world
outside of their cocoon

I broke out with the help of many lives

I broke out only to walk blindly into a battlefield
with no idea who was friend or foe
 swinging at everyone

thinking anyone who shed blood my enemy
convinced myself the carnage
had nothing to do with me

I told them give me ten years to process this becoming
Feared the flood of lepers who would crush me on this earth
enough to wait for the internet
The plans of GOD THRU HUMYNS
to bring the radicals messages to the world

a scientific voice sheltered in the love of God
in a time when art and religion fought the march of progress
fearing what Frankenstein's would be released on the world
Atom bombs seemed to confirm the worst beliefs on the naysayers
even the inventors coming out afterward half mad
one living without electricity preaching against what he had done
for the rest of his life

I think of how I was judged thru the lens of a book of ruler lies
tax payer lies
power hungry priests
words written in tribute to man not God
in between the Poetry inspired enough to guide men thru the centuries
the small treasure of universal truths
as flexible as ever though good enough for most
the Golden Rule HAD TO BE SUPPRESSED to keep the wealthy
special, treated with dignity



I never wanted you to watch me/never had a choice
they told me of these cameras
I would not go along
I could not believe this was happening to me
hidden on tv or known around the world
all being taken wrong
hijacked by a Jesus who did not want to be worshiped

I did not know you were fighting the blacks
this ridiculous side trip on the march to justice and peace
enraged me enough to kill to stop this
those who try to keep these fires raging
on either side are going to burn each other down
I do not care how old your feuds or the body count
the young minds torn by war
the women burned in piles as Bush danced with glee
on the white house lawn

There are only two sides and the differences sown between us
is perhaps why Jesus said if a man smacks you offer him your other cheek
to say we should not allow people to goad us into making them our enemies
So far I have let no group stereotype in my mind into the grand schemers
or the evil cabals
I see humans within these hives
I see humans in the enemies uniforms
I see humans wanting me dead and forgotten
Irrelevant

I am beyond that now even if the world goes to shit
Because some folks on this planet knew what I wrote
was me all along
not the creature you left drugged and in pain imprisoned in ignorance
not the deadly one
who spawned hellish realities
from a scripture written by a vengeful God
who could barely tell if he was having any effect at all
a man who did not know enough
not to follow his impulses,
still acting on the inspiration of God
regretting afterwards...
almost apologetic

until 20/20 blessed me with knowing the right thing had happened
too bloody and complex for me to have ever orchestrated
I wrote to choose a side against or for the one percent
Suddenly I learned there were various sides in this fight

When I was pressured whether I am one race or another
I was never going to answer their question with a fealty
that I did not offer any humyn
I was thought to have decided from a comedy story
where I needed a recognizable religious figure
to make my point/chosen almost by random
along with a few bums, cops, and penguins and the pope
who God was really there to pick up

from this they were told I had chosen a side
others were told I was a pure revolutionary
with a conscious agenda on my mind

In my mind I was so pissed off at what was happening
in my life
how I seemed to ruin everything good
the brainwashing taking my decorum
myself
the person I was
and adding over or opening up a groundswell
of sweet inspiration in the voice of the one
called the Son of God
the messenger
the caretaker
superman avowed only to avert
his powers against meteors should one come
at the planet
an alien who cannot interfere
because he is not allowed
only to witness
the revolutionary leftest

I have no clue what is true
what is the imagination
the rationalizations
more distance from the dead
from the sound of those calling for my death
sending messages thru the media
with dylan now
who threatened my life and for this
and other services to the cia
got the nobel peace prize

what a joke the game is when a man
who helped kill the unions perhaps more
than any other
by pretending he was woody gutherie
part of music as a weapon for the people
when he was a subterfuge who would
make up lyrics on a fourth grade level
filled with emotion and elusive enough
for the deluded and the led
not even to have noticed
the politics were out of music

They were no longer writing union songs
no longer about supporting the oppressed
the would be yuppies grouped around the mkultra
icon

he now presents himself with my old allies
before I knew what was happening
and whom I never would have hurt had I known
I do not want to take any sides...  though your alleigence
in any way honors me and I am ashamed of what you saw
in my time of ignorance

If you do not understand how I fought for your rights
how far I tried to take you into the public mind as just people
if you truly think
I would abandon this
then you have not understood a heart felt word
George and Dave were my best friends
Dave was kinder, never fought, spent the nights there
just watching tv and talking
I used him in a story when this started
speaking of a love that would never have been in real life
where I never considered having sex with a man

and a middle aged man who was wizened a bit on the issue

taking the world this way and that on their perception of me
when I knew others had been watching me forever


I watched the events unfolding thinking I had nothing to do with most
of it until that position became impossible

In the video where I was threatened
dylan showed himself leading mexican's down the street
now he is suddenly appearing on a gay oriented album
fairly unlike the curmudgeon who would not pick up
a noble prize for literature -- a joke that even his ego
had to find hurtful I hope

I have always protected the gays and went too far
when I was just tossing out words at people
not thinking they were going to let me rant again
or drugged out of my mind
saying Gays are angels, without a thought
to the implications

I did not want to create angels
I did not want to create followers
     i WISHED to bring together like thinkers

I KNOW there must be new thinking
built on the scriptures of old
enriched by science and the thinking of every era

Truth never stops growing
religions that do not accept this will drive people
away from God

The fundamentalists make God absurd

God is not absurd
God is not relevant to your life
God exists and life is eternal
Ways of living given to the children that
keep them at peace with one another
offer justice to all

God's knowledge makes ours seem like non-sequesters
I cannot call myself a Christian after what has become
of the messages of Christ
the wisdom of the Jews
and the religions that created them
most forgotten now


I have memories of times before recorded history
of times brutal and forgotten
the longest period of human development
where come most of the memories of the oldest souls

I told stories to the bugs about these times
in the trances that came
or the imaginations that keep me company in my cell

I had the worlds eyes upon me and did not know
I am sorry I just found this SORDID when I learned this
I am sorry that I was not more clear
I am sorry that I was unaware of your secrets
I asked you to keep no secrets and it is all you did

I felt I was in a Vonnegut novel, the couple trapped
in a zoo

what became of him
I wrote of Vonnegut the first few days
when the worlds attention was affixed
when the voice of God filled me and all
things seemed possible
until I discovered I was to be left in pain
then I rebelled against anyone who would do this to a person
then I accepted that I was created to be a bomb
sitting under a city
holding a dead man's switch
set to go off in minds all over the world
I PRAY
when the day comes
we do what is best for all
Just KNOW I will NEVER do what is best for YOU
the big YOU that has the power bases around the world

I could not figure out what was happening
my terror turned to rage
and I blamed targets who were innocent
never thought to go back and expand on what I mean
that is what writer's do
develop the thought
I will NEVER allow
them to crucify me
Try as they might
my fate is God's to do with as He will



I cannot steal back the footage of my life
make it inadmissible in court
tell the jury they cannot consider
the ravings of a prisoner who did not know
what he was talking about
other than trying to preserve his own life
to continue his war against the people
who were doing this to him
the unjust in the world
to continue ...
 death
the lover I had courted
often enough my enemies and allies knew
my fate is not in their bullets
or their words
my fate is the work of a Loving God




once I knew there was God to be experienced
the freedom of being soul again
on the other side of bullets
sticks
and stones
nukes

I knew there would be many things to fight for to forge a new world
blood spilled needed direction at specific targets
by co olitions that disdain racism, sexism, anti-semetics
no stereotypes would be allowed to dissolve the individual
in the class war

the battle to set the scale right and save the world
which will not happen unless sanity is enforced
on the planet by those in leadership
and that means changing most of them
for a new force

we need a world wide
emergency government
to deal with the crises in this world
a terror of a leader who unites the planet peacefully
as possible
treading light enough to avoid any more senseless
wars

I see the logic in the thinking of those behind the plan
they used me in, operation blue beam...
though their view of the future was out dated
products of their times and prejudices and thinking
a world I will not help create

I was told getting into an argument with a guy
and writing a letter a letter asking jessie jackson
to acknowledge me, having no idea what was happening
around me
and used an unfortunate turn of phrase
that was taken as a declaration of war....
no, it was an invitation to get involve or stay out of the way

Just stupid poetics.  All my life I have lived my life as a person who was not at all racist about blacks.  I had plenty of black mentors when I was eighteen
after ending up broke, living in texas, in a dorm owned and housed with
almost all black guys
I was a bookish kid who had read of the evil racists
all my life and would have nothing to do with them

For this people died.
Without consulting the one
who you decided would make these decisions
when I was not qualified
A man should not lead the women
A guy like me should not lead the gays
I do not want to lead anyone

I feel compelled to do as my God asks
to write
this is what He made me for a reason

There are days I think it is unseemly to even
write a word
after what has happened
though I am not going to allow what happened
to silence me
enough have been silenced
in this world

I would wash off all of the blood from my words
and walk among you scientifically and as I am
if I were not a tool, a puppet, a front guy
driving the religious mad
I warned you right away what would happen
saw it coming

I never imagined a short story
based a true story
about a boyfriend killing a young girls parents
then driving off'
They had basically just destroyed their lives'
would go to prison
nothing would ever be right again

I did not feel I needed to add that
I imagined people knew better than to kill their parents
for any reason at all
or anyone almost ever



we need to change our system of governing the world
bring the priorities back to quality of life
working towards existences with as little labor
as possible
a fact our present leaders ignore
to earn their thirty pieces of silver
to keep the oligarchy safe
from those pesky laws
that would stop child labor and make the stocks drop

THE REDISTRIBUTION OF WEALTH
has to be the rallying cry of the citizens of all nations
many governments will go along to bring a peace
lasting
a usa that does not threaten to use nukes
a usa trying to get rid of the sins of our fathers
until there is not one left on this planet

do I sound Utopian?
a future for the many
has this already been ruled out?
will it be for the culled?

blackstar

So like so many in the entertainment business, Bowie chose to put his worthless two cents into the propaganda machine against me.  He came closer than most at least, acknowledging the brainwashing, saying I died and then I AM. took over my life.

That much is partially true.  Being brainwashed was one of the worst experiences of my life, and the results...  too much for me to bear, without the always adjacent thought of 'so many had it worse I have no room to bitch...'   though of course I do.

The idea that I wanted to be surveilled all the time is where the problems started.  Hiding from me the extent of my fame, after making me homeless and leaving me in excruciating pain, not to mention what was being done by groups I named as FORGIVEN....  I felt everyone should be forgiven, that was the first thought I had after the brainwashing, which was followed by another hospitalization.  And perhaps another, I forget.  The period for me was one of feeling hunted, and wanting to kill.... to destroy...  

I HAD NEVER had such thoughts prior to this, though I am now told my brain was washed through out my life, which makes sense of things non-sensical.  

I WANT TO ADDRESS his comment I am not a gangster.  I had no clue people's money was being taken from them, because I sure never saw a dime of it, and could have used it at times...   people think I wanted that...  then answer me why I said, at what in hindsight is another thing I would not have done that day, was to say attack the mob.  That and the masturbation film changed everything, taking me down a dark path when I finally was told what the hell was happening.

I wrote sensationalistic shit to promote a radio show, and part of that was driving cab for a mobbed up bunch.  That was my only dealing with them.   I refused stolen blood money twice...  again not exactly how a mobster would act.   I believed I was having a spiritual war with a world I could not comprehend.  I FELT like I HAD been shunted aside, and for some reason the tv people, some, seemed to be working with me, educating people on certain things, fighting homophobia, racism, anti-Semitism.  I wrote this all the time, yet....  behind my back were the various groups, who AT FIRST I just seemed to feel like everyone was a criminal, hearing what I did...


I am done trying to convince people of the truth.  Too many know so much more than me and no one is talking.   I do not give a damn about being hated anymore.  That is your problem.  I am going to do my best to ignore such things.   I can't always, but I will try to love where there is hate when possible.

I HAVE said all this way too many times....   but people thinking I was a Nazi, that was horrifying and took my words out of context.   I did not even know how powerful the Nazi's were, let alone that they worked with me.   All of those revelations were a horror to me.  Churches based on looking at my life and thinking I was giving messages was so beyond the scope of what I knew.

I was the one who stopped the excesses.   Or tried to.   I did not just go along like I would have were the charges against me true.   I have had a live and let live philosophy in my life, mostly, though the very act of writing something down makes a didactic at times, and my criticism, which I thought had no power, seemed to have.

I now will use my power for what I consider good.  You by now should understand my politics have been the same practically since I was a child.  My only changes have been on gun control, which knowing what I know now, I believe the second amendment is needed.




Fukishama released 777 tons of toxic waste into the Pacific ocean.  I wrote two weeks before that tsunami a bad cruel joke, about nuking Japan over the dolphin slaughters.  I wanted the slaughters stopped....   I was not sure how much control I had over things like the weather, etc.  I think if it comes down to it you all are going to be pretty damned surprised by what I can do, though I have a hell of a lot more control than I let on.   I was psychologically at war with people who wanted to care about me, wanted me to act as their role model, etc... when I was certainly in no state for such a thing, and part of what I felt was a rebellion against a monolithic government that was constantly fucking with me, at home thru the tv which would make me sound nuts to anyone I told it to.   I read over what I wrote and see the brainwashing, how I was changed....

I would have been a better person had I known you had people involved in a church based upon me.  I could design a great church, better than any out there, should I choose to, though I do not.  Religion is a corruption of faith for some, and a catalyst for others.   I do not agree 100% with any religion, and now refuse to be a part of them for this reason.  The bible is a ridiculous document if you take it too seriously.  Without historical perspective on the people and times, let alone the metaphors taken as the 'truth' is just stupid.  I do not know what my status is with you people at this point.

I have decided that all of you are right.  I am white.  I take the 'white' side so to speak.  I ADVOCATE FOR ALL PEOPLE...  and do not think whites are better, and I think races should mix, frankly, as much as possible, not to dilute other cultures, but to be enriched by both.   Rather see a black and white marriage of love than a war of hate.

I will not fight on either side in a race war, unless it looks like one side is going to slaughter the other.  Like was happening with the blacks.  When you told me that I ordered you to have a race war....   the insanity of this was obviously catching.  Now I fear the madness I evoked, and feel partially responsible for tRump, having fought against the entire system at the time.  I made a mistake, more than likely, but ramping up talk about a war with Russia was terrifying to me, and I thought that is what she was doing... plus all belief in the system left me when they screwed sanders, the only left wing candidate to really rise since perhaps Carter.

I AM I AM I AM.   This I cannot change.  I believe I have been being reborn and helping steer humanity since before you were humans, and many other things....  but I do not know anything about angels and demons.  I do believe in miracles, my deaths and coming back to life, living through having an open artery bleeding inside me that miraculously stopped....  a first in human history at that point.   How can such things be explained?   I am not normal, obviously.   I do not care about any of these things, and do not need others to believe what I believe, and in fact would prefer they find their own paths.  If I can be of any help, it must always be with the knowledge that facts will make me change my mind.   I would not write anything in stone, besides the Golden Rule.  That is enough for me.

I know I sound like an apologist for myself.  I am.   No one else seems to give a shit about the truth.

there is nothing i can say to heal the wounds

raise the dead


no miracles only destruction
belief without purpose
leadership takers and users

bowie's Blackstar where he brings up the questions on some minds in 015.

He get's it right that I died the night I was brainwashed and I AM came into this world...  though I slowly came back to myself, over a long period of time....  what is left, is enough.  If others are still committed I will not let them down...   I do not wish to be used like a slave.  The display is not going to see anymore than my boring life,  as it should and would have, had I been left alone.... no, chosen one, had to fly even when I did not know how, on wings long clipped/or an illusion long tripped.

I am not a gangster.  Before I thought I was ever going to amount to anything, I wrote what I thought would get the show noticed, not that which I wished to write in stone.   I don't want anything except the history that can be measured with a ruler to apply to my life.  Opinions do not matter, experiences in the past do....  I WOULD NEVER have told people to give If I meant money, I meant to give off themselves, the metaphor....  I never could have imagined what was going on, and when I found out my reaction was to try to stop what they were doing....  which I see as ruinous, with my limited view.   

This all seems to fly over my head in certain moods. I am not 'connected' anymore...  writing waking up jesus, and in the voice, flew me high....  I M not   a porn star .,..  I was too depressed to give a shit about what I wore...  you thought I wanted to appeal in this way which had never entered my mind....  then expect me to get back in line.   You tell me I am a marvel star.  I will never accept any of this.  I am none of these things, merely a smart guy who was brainwashed, and had no control of the chain of command, or understanding his words were killing, enslaving, unmentionable hells for some.    I cannot take responsibility for what has been done with my art, I can do what I must to try to redeem myself.   I do not expect or deserve your forgiveness, you are not the judge of my soul, merely, at times, my actions.  I will lead those who still follow to think for themselves, act with Justice alone as their commander....  the Golden Rule, and no more complex than that....  this is all one needs.  Or just survival in the coming world, or the now, to continue to fight... my plan.  I will never be a destructive force of the sort feared...  cannot see any way of that really happening....  delusions and dreams aside, I do not want to kill  millions of people to make some damn statement or to make a side in a race war win, not going to happen...

  

On the day of execution, on the day of execution
Only women kneel and smile, ah ah, ah ah
At the center of it all, at the center of it all
Your eyes
Your eyes

Ah ah ah
Ah ah ah

In the villa of Ormen, in the villa of Ormen
Stands a solitary candle, ah-ah, ah-ah
At the center of it all, at the center of it all
Your eyes

Your eyes

Ah ah ah

Something happened on the day he died
Spirit rose a metre then stepped aside
Somebody else took his place, and bravely cried
(I'm a blackstar, I'm a blackstar)

How many times does an angel fall?
How many people lie instead of talking tall?
He trod on sacred ground, he cried loud into the crowd
(I'm a blackstar, I'm a blackstar, I'm not a gangster)

I can't answer why (I'm a blackstar)
Just go with me (I'm not a filmstar)
I'ma take you home (I'm a blackstar)
Take your passport and shoes (I'm not a popstar)
And your sedatives, boo (I'm a blackstar)
You're a flash in the pan (I'm not a marvel star)
I'm the great I Am (I'm a blackstar)

'm a blackstar, way up, oh honey, I've got game
I see right, so wide, so open-hearted it's pain
I want eagles in my daydreams, diamonds in my eyes
(I'm a blackstar, I'm a blackstar)

Something happened on the day he died
Spirit rose a metre then stepped aside
Somebody else took his place, and bravely cried
(I'm a blackstar, I'm a star star, I'm a blackstar)

I can't answer why (I'm not a gangster)
But I can tell you how (I'm not a flam star)
We were born upside-down (I'm a star star)
Born the wrong way 'round (I'm not a white star)
(I'm a blackstar)
('m not a gangster)
(I'm a blackstar, I'm a blackstar)

In the villa of Ormen stands a solitary candle
Ah ah, ah ah
At the centre of it all, your eyes

On the day of execution, only women kneel and smile
Ah ah, ah ah

I can't answer why (I'm not a gangster)
But I can tell you how (I'm not a flam star)
We were born upside-down (I'm a star star)
Born the wrong way 'round (I'm not a white star)
(I'm a blackstar)
('m not a gangster)
(I'm a blackstar, I'm a blackstar)

In the villa of Ormen stands a solitary candle
Ah ah, ah ah
At the centre of it all, your eyes

On the day of execution, only women kneel and smile
Ah ah, ah ah
At the centre of it all, your eyes

whispers deep in my soul

I am not holy
I am not chosen
I am nothing in the grand scheme
and everything
in that I am of and part of God
as all creation is
and can only b

the pain of this life I cannot
understand as holy or unholy
certainly no creature with an interest in the well being
of every sparrow
would allow such butchery as we see
in the food industry
our wars

our households

that I brought more of this
I was sure I was right
convinced that only the most cruel methods
were going to solve this hellish problem

I cannot even imagine that mindset
I read over my old work and see a maniac at times
I knew this then
when I saw the churches you had built
I saw for a second the world worshipping the persona
you had seen as I bitched at an enemy

No I did not want to believe my part

why I attack the made men
was to attack myself
now I claim my part
now I understand how wrong/yet right
I was

God kept me righteous
when you thought I was not

The violence the armies the taking place beyond my sight
I was in the matrix
and you expected me to be neo
as I went to the office each day unknowing

I go back on facebook
get that now
the stupid interaction
fake folk
to put up a like

give the illusion of no audience
you are watching me but I am not a show
I am not sure what you are trying to do
I am not a racist
I am not anti-semetic
I am far left. socialistic

I fight for these things willingly
as well as the lives of those who once believed
who have been called fallen
for being captured by a mind net
swept larger than I could imagine
thru time and trust and secret societies

did I in the end disappoint you?
Was I the last survivor of hart?
The cop tossed on the island?
The Blood Race
How I hate the media portrayal of this
I have only their perception to absorb
though they are fighting something
slipping all these messages out

now I see white house fallen
to London fallen
has gone to angel fallen

those who know I saved London
saved the president
and new York the night they tried to empty it

When I was asked at the last second if I wished such destruction
when I had no idea you were at war
let alone that I could make a decision that would kill soldiers
how this was allowed to happen is still beyond me

how there was no leadership
except a guy in his apartment with no intelligence
and then a whole bunch of criminals and mystics and
God only knows what I conjured with a poem that was a forgiveness
for the entire world

I was insane with the Jesus brainwashing
thinking like evidently they meant me to some degree
though wiping out
wildly
especially with catholics
over masturbation

which is amusing since I began this with pee wee herman
and first noticed him playing a Hapsburg..
later meeting with bikers and he is Jewish, so...
I write amusing and my stomach literally drops as cliche' as it is
not amusing at all when the I think
of the few words and one show I saw about this

I wanted to work with Williams street
thought we were a perfect fit
in the real world
not the spy world
had no idea

no clue
what was happening
I never meant to hurt you
when you showed me someone punching someone
for saying something bad about me
I laughed

I should have said NO
who wants to hear shit about themselves that is bad

I needed to
I just didn't believe much on the tv
at all.

took it all for a farce


chaos in Hollywood you told me
why would Hollywood have anything to do with what I was doing?
I had no clue....
life is.

who am i to say shit

I see david cross named his new tour OH COME ON and saw the beginning of one where he referred to a couple things I wrote about, twisting them into something I did not say, and  then criticizing that.  A friendly, unquestioning crowd laughs and says look he is right you know.

And in a way he is.   I was introduced in two thousand and six as Christ and regret all kinds of things I said....   I did not really believe anyone would think I was Christ, really... and  not act like one.  I told myself, if I am this thing, then it is Scott, me... 

I said a lot of things for impact, a performance.  Said things I did not mean.

The first stage after the brainwashing was to be in LOVE with everyone.  I thought this would somehow be returned, yet no one came to pick me up and accept me.   I began to think it would never happen, so I wrote that I did not want it to happen, that I wanted a normal life, because this was the narrative of the psychological game I was playing, tricking people into thinking I was getting my way, when it was not happening anyways, like being contacted by big stars and agents, who would have helped me immensely to sell out... God had other plans.

I would change things to avoid what happened if I could, but thinking I know better than God ... or even second guessing that it would not have been worse.   I would not have wanted to fullfill some right wing dream that I did share in the least.  That did matter to them, as long as I went along.   They were sure fame and money would work, but they underestimated taking a moral man and making him even more moral.

I sat down here to write that Cross is right, Oh Come On applies to a lot of what happened.  This is what happens with cults, when individuals stop thinking for themselves, no matter how good that might feel.  Thinking for yourself requires stress.

A God has their own motives for doing what he does, or none at all perhaps...  I pretended, and often felt might be true, all kinds of things in those first few months, then thought that all died down.

I wrote from the fighting spirit.  I knew something huge had happened, that was not just me, but something else altogether, and I knew that this was not some tv show...

the movie BOLT came out quick, trying to discredit me.   There were certainly theatrics, I was being watched, I reacted by being overly dramatic I see now, though this felt perfectly natural at the time, real....   people clapped.  Now I always think, if only I had went up and talked to them, pumped these people for information.   I thought if I said I was Jesus to anyone they would react like those around me who considered me nuts, or pretended to...

I saw all the signs, and ignored them.   I rebelled against God only knows what....  nothing, really.  Just mad.  I was a baby.

I look through now and wonder if I have any influence, as I always have... now this time I know there is some, who they are, and am better versed on who the others seem to be.   I am finally beginning to see who I think is friend and foe.   I am on the side of JUSTICE and will not lower that standard to be someones ally...  think you are the chosen people or race or whatever, fine, but we need to fight this class war together, or we will lose it together.  We will have time and resources after this to heal, and find a way to raise our future in peace, before we kill the planet.


i KNOW I am thin skinned about some things, or they have implanted certain things in my head that trigger things....  when I criticized trump one of the first times, someone came on and said, leave trump alone... we have already seen your song and dance.   Only very occasionally will someone who knows about my intelligence activity accesses me on facebook, they probably stop that from happening, because I learn more from critics....  they learned that lesson well when during my interrogations I learned of crimes by being accused of them....

Now I am vilified.  I saw on a tv show as guy who made all these people do horrible things, including a race war.....  when in reality, I was the center of this huge intelligence operation, and what they thought were orders from me, were coming from the same people pulling my strings.   You hate some puppet who does not even understand why.... unless you believe lies about me, then I have sympathy for you.   My present plans are inescapable. You gave away how you are running the world, satan, to the only being here powerful enough to stop the king of angels ....   on earth.   I disdain kings, that is pretty obvious...  I was willing to be one if I had to, but....

I think of Jessica Jones and the episode where the character who made them do things, with his scent, instead of hollywood, the cia, the catholic church, and growing wings, maybe..  whoever does not matter to me.    The last people with the guy, and they used a dr who guy, because dr who did a huge episode about killing an army that worked with me, that totally confused me at the time....  but I had no idea what was going on with england, not being a pirate.   I had people who would not believe my writing, just the rosarch test.

I wrote something a couple years about give me some money and let me go write, and the catholic church can hide my writing.... the next day on my feed I see a sign saying FALLEN ANGELS ASK FOR MONEY...  they call me and the people I worked with fallen angels, and many acted like they were.   Again, confusion.   I had little clue why people were doing what they were at first, and by the time I could accept it, I said how I felt and was still ignored, like about Jerry Fallwell...  and I did not miss that vonneguet, who I wrote about, seemed to have died that night.

There is so much that runs thru my mind all time...  like the heart attack on david lettterman, which I had no idea was from side I was on....  wolf, ram, and heart are real...   to some degree, or in the states.   They are trying to tell me I destroyed Heart, which would be alright for the left, from what I can tell, though the power vacuum worries me.

I was later portrayed as a mascot for the blacks, not fighting or in the game, just cheering them on, a chaplin at best.... and there was more truth in that then I wanted to consider.   I had always been the man who used words, who gave the speeches and sermons that killed, wove the lies and propaganda that created armies from thin air... no, not all. 

The first army was there.  Stunned and helped convince me.  Think JOHN CUSACK, if you had been thru all that, would you have went on film, as you asked of me, to say I was not God, no matter what i BELIEVE.....   would you if the God had given you the burden of being his son and you knew this and to deny God is the sin you wish to avoiI

Time to continue with the topic of CRITICS, AND ONCE MORE SETH GROGEN, and this time it is sausage party.... they were getting rid of kills by making them into sausage, and joked about this to me, and I could fucking not believe how things operated...   I was in the big time and they were killing enemies... I did not want to believe they were literal, found out later they were and by then did not care, the killing lust was all I wanted fulfilled them, the only orgasm fucking blood. 

Grogen, or more correctly the CIA, and others, and him...   told me a lot.  I cannot watch his films, but did this is the end, which talked about me, and said I led a cannibal cult, after masterbating....  which caused chaos when this was filmed, and I did not realize you were showing the whole fucking world my living room......

Forgiving that is another one of those, so many had it worse things that I let it go, but there are some I hold most responsible, and those who convinced you i wanted filmed all the time and to give orders are among the worst.   Not the people who were convinced, but the convincers.

ALL THAT I HATED THEY MADE ME OUT TO BE.... THIS IS WHY THEY KEPT ME IGNORANT... UNDERSTAND THIS OR NONE OF MY WORDS, I FEEL, ARE GOING TO MATTER... THE ENEMY WILL HAVE TURNED YOU AGAINST ME with bob dylan the most selfish and  arrogant prick in the world, says he is friends of mexicans and gays, trying to take my place...  after I found myself fighting my own allies, to stop a race war.




Who convinced you I wanted to see car crashes.... that the train of pain was not a metaphor...   this was not chaos.   John Hamm, saying his leader smokes and looks out his back door.   I did not know what side you were on, what you were trying to do.....  stood there and heard that and thought, I would do what is best if I knew what was going on....

By the time the obvious become known, and I debased myself to drive you away, and instead became the focus of the world in a mortifying manner that made me lose  forty pounds, but I learned more than ...    you look I still see at this as a point of loss.   Yet from this we rose to the point of having the country.   I know lives were lost, and I know they are better off dead than alive...  though I am sorry they died.  For you.  i THEN realized that all this time, the world had seen me


I wish to God I had realized this at a different time.  People had spoken to me directly on tv before, but this was different.   I saw me, from the perspective of the tv, wearing the ratty green fucking housecoat I used to wear because I did not give a fuck how spies saw me, thought the writing was what I did, and watching me was their way of trying to drive me crazy, as was mimic my actions....for the most part.   The young girl saying fuck made me think that saying fuck will not make you smarter, the use of cursing was just indicative of higher intelligence and teaching kids to curse could cause problems....  and I could see this Epiphany come at me a wall of trash, compacted paper, newspapers and posters... and    they are all blood red, as it gets closer I see body parts...   everything I said had been taken wrong. 


I apologize to the walls on this one.   The mex think I have chosen their enemy.  Too many think this. I do not see any people as evil or damned or chosen or unchosen....  Skin tone and religion, etcetera, are not individuals, who is what I am forced to judge by, and my live and let live is infinite.  Almost...

Easter Thoughts

     My  muddled mind at first mistook myself for Jesus himself, though I knew I was nothing like the Jesus I read about and that I was not about to change to be some figure in the bible.  I was not going to look at that book as a script.

Later, I came down from the trauma enough to understand I am Scott.  Born into a time, and created by the time, to be what my sacrificial soul does, leads the way down some path the authorities do not want traveled.  At first the way is narrow, dangerous, guarded even...  then there are too many people to stop taking the path, and roads begin to stretch out, as far as they are needed. 

I remember Jesus as black personally, not that this meant the same thing then as now, it just was nothing...    just the same spirit flying thru flesh, same as any soul.  Chosen one.  Such an over used phrase now and meaningless as always.  We are all chosen.  Some of us will be placed in the position to be able to act and will do so with noblesse oblige every time they are allowed.  Others are.... part of God's plan that I will not even bother trying to understand.

The more I think I understand of this world, beyond the revealed science and philosophy, our latest bibles of the times...   the more I find those who try to make laws based on ancient biblical passages repulsive.  Zealots whose need to believe has been exploited, or perhaps they are wired that way for a certain place in a hierarchy?  I can only speculate.

So many specific orders and ways of being damned were being used when I awoke to preaching as Jesus, that my first order of business was trying to stop the fear of damnation and this idea of hell from being a motivating factor in religion.   I even used the metaphor of battling into hell to save the innocent and the damned alike, though I have since realize I do know if these things exist...  if they do then I will take my chances that God is Love.  I would rather worship Love than anything else on this planet.

So many rules and edicts were said to come from me, when I am the opposite of this, that I feel imprisoned by disinformation.  I saw once andy dick, who was one of the first celebrities I felt I had contacted,  snorting cocaine and knew they were asking me something... and I felt they were wondering if people went to hell for this...   I tried to say I did not care about that, or think God did, but I did not mean to tell people to start snorting cocaine.  I find cocaine has caused serious problems, but that is not enough for God to abandon a person.  This is all I meant.

My message was too simple for you to understand.  You expected layer after layer when I did not know what you were doing, though thinking I did I made statements out of ignorance.  You thought criticism and mocking was a prelude to war.  Had I known the throne you thought I was sitting on, in my bed bug filled apartment where I felt tortured morning to night, without massive amounts of drugs..  I would have shut my mouth.  Tempered my criticism.  Given up on ever being a private citizen, or having a normal, though I thought successful, life.  I do not deserve that now.