whispers deep in my soul

I am not holy
I am not chosen
I am nothing in the grand scheme
and everything
in that I am of and part of God
as all creation is
and can only b

the pain of this life I cannot
understand as holy or unholy
certainly no creature with an interest in the well being
of every sparrow
would allow such butchery as we see
in the food industry
our wars

our households

that I brought more of this
I was sure I was right
convinced that only the most cruel methods
were going to solve this hellish problem

I cannot even imagine that mindset
I read over my old work and see a maniac at times
I knew this then
when I saw the churches you had built
I saw for a second the world worshipping the persona
you had seen as I bitched at an enemy

No I did not want to believe my part

why I attack the made men
was to attack myself
now I claim my part
now I understand how wrong/yet right
I was

God kept me righteous
when you thought I was not

The violence the armies the taking place beyond my sight
I was in the matrix
and you expected me to be neo
as I went to the office each day unknowing

I go back on facebook
get that now
the stupid interaction
fake folk
to put up a like

give the illusion of no audience
you are watching me but I am not a show
I am not sure what you are trying to do
I am not a racist
I am not anti-semetic
I am far left. socialistic

I fight for these things willingly
as well as the lives of those who once believed
who have been called fallen
for being captured by a mind net
swept larger than I could imagine
thru time and trust and secret societies

did I in the end disappoint you?
Was I the last survivor of hart?
The cop tossed on the island?
The Blood Race
How I hate the media portrayal of this
I have only their perception to absorb
though they are fighting something
slipping all these messages out

now I see white house fallen
to London fallen
has gone to angel fallen

those who know I saved London
saved the president
and new York the night they tried to empty it

When I was asked at the last second if I wished such destruction
when I had no idea you were at war
let alone that I could make a decision that would kill soldiers
how this was allowed to happen is still beyond me

how there was no leadership
except a guy in his apartment with no intelligence
and then a whole bunch of criminals and mystics and
God only knows what I conjured with a poem that was a forgiveness
for the entire world

I was insane with the Jesus brainwashing
thinking like evidently they meant me to some degree
though wiping out
wildly
especially with catholics
over masturbation

which is amusing since I began this with pee wee herman
and first noticed him playing a Hapsburg..
later meeting with bikers and he is Jewish, so...
I write amusing and my stomach literally drops as cliche' as it is
not amusing at all when the I think
of the few words and one show I saw about this

I wanted to work with Williams street
thought we were a perfect fit
in the real world
not the spy world
had no idea

no clue
what was happening
I never meant to hurt you
when you showed me someone punching someone
for saying something bad about me
I laughed

I should have said NO
who wants to hear shit about themselves that is bad

I needed to
I just didn't believe much on the tv
at all.

took it all for a farce


chaos in Hollywood you told me
why would Hollywood have anything to do with what I was doing?
I had no clue....
life is.

who am i to say shit

I see david cross named his new tour OH COME ON and saw the beginning of one where he referred to a couple things I wrote about, twisting them into something I did not say, and  then criticizing that.  A friendly, unquestioning crowd laughs and says look he is right you know.

And in a way he is.   I was introduced in two thousand and six as Christ and regret all kinds of things I said....   I did not really believe anyone would think I was Christ, really... and  not act like one.  I told myself, if I am this thing, then it is Scott, me... 

I said a lot of things for impact, a performance.  Said things I did not mean.

The first stage after the brainwashing was to be in LOVE with everyone.  I thought this would somehow be returned, yet no one came to pick me up and accept me.   I began to think it would never happen, so I wrote that I did not want it to happen, that I wanted a normal life, because this was the narrative of the psychological game I was playing, tricking people into thinking I was getting my way, when it was not happening anyways, like being contacted by big stars and agents, who would have helped me immensely to sell out... God had other plans.

I would change things to avoid what happened if I could, but thinking I know better than God ... or even second guessing that it would not have been worse.   I would not have wanted to fullfill some right wing dream that I did share in the least.  That did matter to them, as long as I went along.   They were sure fame and money would work, but they underestimated taking a moral man and making him even more moral.

I sat down here to write that Cross is right, Oh Come On applies to a lot of what happened.  This is what happens with cults, when individuals stop thinking for themselves, no matter how good that might feel.  Thinking for yourself requires stress.

A God has their own motives for doing what he does, or none at all perhaps...  I pretended, and often felt might be true, all kinds of things in those first few months, then thought that all died down.

I wrote from the fighting spirit.  I knew something huge had happened, that was not just me, but something else altogether, and I knew that this was not some tv show...

the movie BOLT came out quick, trying to discredit me.   There were certainly theatrics, I was being watched, I reacted by being overly dramatic I see now, though this felt perfectly natural at the time, real....   people clapped.  Now I always think, if only I had went up and talked to them, pumped these people for information.   I thought if I said I was Jesus to anyone they would react like those around me who considered me nuts, or pretended to...

I saw all the signs, and ignored them.   I rebelled against God only knows what....  nothing, really.  Just mad.  I was a baby.

I look through now and wonder if I have any influence, as I always have... now this time I know there is some, who they are, and am better versed on who the others seem to be.   I am finally beginning to see who I think is friend and foe.   I am on the side of JUSTICE and will not lower that standard to be someones ally...  think you are the chosen people or race or whatever, fine, but we need to fight this class war together, or we will lose it together.  We will have time and resources after this to heal, and find a way to raise our future in peace, before we kill the planet.


i KNOW I am thin skinned about some things, or they have implanted certain things in my head that trigger things....  when I criticized trump one of the first times, someone came on and said, leave trump alone... we have already seen your song and dance.   Only very occasionally will someone who knows about my intelligence activity accesses me on facebook, they probably stop that from happening, because I learn more from critics....  they learned that lesson well when during my interrogations I learned of crimes by being accused of them....

Now I am vilified.  I saw on a tv show as guy who made all these people do horrible things, including a race war.....  when in reality, I was the center of this huge intelligence operation, and what they thought were orders from me, were coming from the same people pulling my strings.   You hate some puppet who does not even understand why.... unless you believe lies about me, then I have sympathy for you.   My present plans are inescapable. You gave away how you are running the world, satan, to the only being here powerful enough to stop the king of angels ....   on earth.   I disdain kings, that is pretty obvious...  I was willing to be one if I had to, but....

I think of Jessica Jones and the episode where the character who made them do things, with his scent, instead of hollywood, the cia, the catholic church, and growing wings, maybe..  whoever does not matter to me.    The last people with the guy, and they used a dr who guy, because dr who did a huge episode about killing an army that worked with me, that totally confused me at the time....  but I had no idea what was going on with england, not being a pirate.   I had people who would not believe my writing, just the rosarch test.

I wrote something a couple years about give me some money and let me go write, and the catholic church can hide my writing.... the next day on my feed I see a sign saying FALLEN ANGELS ASK FOR MONEY...  they call me and the people I worked with fallen angels, and many acted like they were.   Again, confusion.   I had little clue why people were doing what they were at first, and by the time I could accept it, I said how I felt and was still ignored, like about Jerry Fallwell...  and I did not miss that vonneguet, who I wrote about, seemed to have died that night.

There is so much that runs thru my mind all time...  like the heart attack on david lettterman, which I had no idea was from side I was on....  wolf, ram, and heart are real...   to some degree, or in the states.   They are trying to tell me I destroyed Heart, which would be alright for the left, from what I can tell, though the power vacuum worries me.

I was later portrayed as a mascot for the blacks, not fighting or in the game, just cheering them on, a chaplin at best.... and there was more truth in that then I wanted to consider.   I had always been the man who used words, who gave the speeches and sermons that killed, wove the lies and propaganda that created armies from thin air... no, not all. 

The first army was there.  Stunned and helped convince me.  Think JOHN CUSACK, if you had been thru all that, would you have went on film, as you asked of me, to say I was not God, no matter what i BELIEVE.....   would you if the God had given you the burden of being his son and you knew this and to deny God is the sin you wish to avoiI

Time to continue with the topic of CRITICS, AND ONCE MORE SETH GROGEN, and this time it is sausage party.... they were getting rid of kills by making them into sausage, and joked about this to me, and I could fucking not believe how things operated...   I was in the big time and they were killing enemies... I did not want to believe they were literal, found out later they were and by then did not care, the killing lust was all I wanted fulfilled them, the only orgasm fucking blood. 

Grogen, or more correctly the CIA, and others, and him...   told me a lot.  I cannot watch his films, but did this is the end, which talked about me, and said I led a cannibal cult, after masterbating....  which caused chaos when this was filmed, and I did not realize you were showing the whole fucking world my living room......

Forgiving that is another one of those, so many had it worse things that I let it go, but there are some I hold most responsible, and those who convinced you i wanted filmed all the time and to give orders are among the worst.   Not the people who were convinced, but the convincers.

ALL THAT I HATED THEY MADE ME OUT TO BE.... THIS IS WHY THEY KEPT ME IGNORANT... UNDERSTAND THIS OR NONE OF MY WORDS, I FEEL, ARE GOING TO MATTER... THE ENEMY WILL HAVE TURNED YOU AGAINST ME with bob dylan the most selfish and  arrogant prick in the world, says he is friends of mexicans and gays, trying to take my place...  after I found myself fighting my own allies, to stop a race war.




Who convinced you I wanted to see car crashes.... that the train of pain was not a metaphor...   this was not chaos.   John Hamm, saying his leader smokes and looks out his back door.   I did not know what side you were on, what you were trying to do.....  stood there and heard that and thought, I would do what is best if I knew what was going on....

By the time the obvious become known, and I debased myself to drive you away, and instead became the focus of the world in a mortifying manner that made me lose  forty pounds, but I learned more than ...    you look I still see at this as a point of loss.   Yet from this we rose to the point of having the country.   I know lives were lost, and I know they are better off dead than alive...  though I am sorry they died.  For you.  i THEN realized that all this time, the world had seen me


I wish to God I had realized this at a different time.  People had spoken to me directly on tv before, but this was different.   I saw me, from the perspective of the tv, wearing the ratty green fucking housecoat I used to wear because I did not give a fuck how spies saw me, thought the writing was what I did, and watching me was their way of trying to drive me crazy, as was mimic my actions....for the most part.   The young girl saying fuck made me think that saying fuck will not make you smarter, the use of cursing was just indicative of higher intelligence and teaching kids to curse could cause problems....  and I could see this Epiphany come at me a wall of trash, compacted paper, newspapers and posters... and    they are all blood red, as it gets closer I see body parts...   everything I said had been taken wrong. 


I apologize to the walls on this one.   The mex think I have chosen their enemy.  Too many think this. I do not see any people as evil or damned or chosen or unchosen....  Skin tone and religion, etcetera, are not individuals, who is what I am forced to judge by, and my live and let live is infinite.  Almost...

Easter Thoughts

     My  muddled mind at first mistook myself for Jesus himself, though I knew I was nothing like the Jesus I read about and that I was not about to change to be some figure in the bible.  I was not going to look at that book as a script.

Later, I came down from the trauma enough to understand I am Scott.  Born into a time, and created by the time, to be what my sacrificial soul does, leads the way down some path the authorities do not want traveled.  At first the way is narrow, dangerous, guarded even...  then there are too many people to stop taking the path, and roads begin to stretch out, as far as they are needed. 

I remember Jesus as black personally, not that this meant the same thing then as now, it just was nothing...    just the same spirit flying thru flesh, same as any soul.  Chosen one.  Such an over used phrase now and meaningless as always.  We are all chosen.  Some of us will be placed in the position to be able to act and will do so with noblesse oblige every time they are allowed.  Others are.... part of God's plan that I will not even bother trying to understand.

The more I think I understand of this world, beyond the revealed science and philosophy, our latest bibles of the times...   the more I find those who try to make laws based on ancient biblical passages repulsive.  Zealots whose need to believe has been exploited, or perhaps they are wired that way for a certain place in a hierarchy?  I can only speculate.

So many specific orders and ways of being damned were being used when I awoke to preaching as Jesus, that my first order of business was trying to stop the fear of damnation and this idea of hell from being a motivating factor in religion.   I even used the metaphor of battling into hell to save the innocent and the damned alike, though I have since realize I do know if these things exist...  if they do then I will take my chances that God is Love.  I would rather worship Love than anything else on this planet.

So many rules and edicts were said to come from me, when I am the opposite of this, that I feel imprisoned by disinformation.  I saw once andy dick, who was one of the first celebrities I felt I had contacted,  snorting cocaine and knew they were asking me something... and I felt they were wondering if people went to hell for this...   I tried to say I did not care about that, or think God did, but I did not mean to tell people to start snorting cocaine.  I find cocaine has caused serious problems, but that is not enough for God to abandon a person.  This is all I meant.

My message was too simple for you to understand.  You expected layer after layer when I did not know what you were doing, though thinking I did I made statements out of ignorance.  You thought criticism and mocking was a prelude to war.  Had I known the throne you thought I was sitting on, in my bed bug filled apartment where I felt tortured morning to night, without massive amounts of drugs..  I would have shut my mouth.  Tempered my criticism.  Given up on ever being a private citizen, or having a normal, though I thought successful, life.  I do not deserve that now. 

THE CANNABALISM

The eating of human flesh.  I read over waking up jesus and came across the poem that must have solidified this belief.   I heard of various instances of this, on ships for reasons that are unclear -- and make me glad when they kept talking about some ship of mine that I finally said, HEY, THAT IS NOT MY SHIP...  after realizing I was being associated with something I didn't yet understand.  All those teaching moments for me, written in blood, in letters huge enough to fill city streets from coast to coast...

I know of what I have said of sausage.  I know no details, other than I what I THOUGHT was a joke, soon enough proved to be something else I laughed at on the webcam, looking psychotic as hell.  When in reality I would not have been laughing at all, but I was not in reality, I was in a mental cage, a prison, far from reality.   Believing life was not what they were telling me, but what I had come to believe, to cope with the intrusion into my existence, and the horrors I  could not even face...  or when I did felt so helpless that...  as  I feel now.  "At least you have your arms."   I saved the jobs of men who cut off the arms of people who tried to launch an internet revolution, instead of sticking to the OPERATION BLUEBEAM script they had going.  People thought there was no army behind me because they were told this.  What a crock of shit.  Said to hide the army behind me, though I believed their lies.

When you have absolutely NO ONE to whom you can discuss your existence, as I do, who can relate, there is little more I can do except write down the events.   The problem is that I am wrong, and at times loath to put me in the harsh light I deserve for certain actions.  That is not because I do not feel it, it means these are the secrets I will keep, because most often those are the memories that would hurt current allies, or bring names into this who acted on orders that did not seem monstrous at the time, or became so... or were.   I have to FORGIVE EVERYONE.   I do not have to trust you, or even let you live, though part of forgiving is giving people a chance at redemption, once that has proven impossible  I am done -- and if I decide ahead of time, now that so many failed this test in the best to bloody results on my side...  if you have no chance, die.   I however am not your cliche' Christian when it comes to judging people.   AND I DO NOT THINK death is the end, or a sentence to hell for eternity.

I know of what happened in Colorado from four mentions in the press.  I do not know what happened there.    Watched Dominion after a spy said those are your people.  All these lesser angels.  Where the hell did these ideas come from?   Angels.   I wish the idea had never entered peoples minds as they did not in my case until  I used them as metaphors, and pondered them, after waking up Jesus.  I wish now I had never used the word.  No privileges should be afforded to people for being anything.  Nor should any crap.   Angels.  I have never met one, that I know of.  A ghost is the only supernatural creature I have met.  Though once, when I was bed ridden, and laying in a bed at street level, I turned over and there in the window, inches from me, was an alien face, complete with saliva on the teeth and so realistic, noting like a mask could make or anything, about four foot high.  It did look a bit demonic with pointed ears.  A huge mouth with teeth that were dirty and dripping saliva...  the absolute realism of the object convinced me either it was a hallucination or real.   I had never had a hallucination before without LSD, and nothing remotely like this.

Though since they had plans for me, perhaps they spent the godzillion dollars on the make up... star wars had just come out?   They tried to be careful with me, create the leader of a one world religion out of a guy who would show angelic tendencies one moment, then be an asshole in the next.

MODERN FAMILY

I was humbled by your work for the cause.  I was humbled when I heard one of you say I AM GETTING A NEW TATTOO, after I wrote about kill or be killed.  I also heard, TELL HIM WHAT HE DID TO MODERN FAMILY.  I did not mean for you to be the person who was there when I suddenly realized this feed was directly into my life and all kinds of people were watching me, when they flashed a picture of me in my green house coat, with the camera angle from the tv....   I felt cheapened by that, not you...  not you... God, no.  I heard you dissed and tried to clear that up as quick as possible..

I did not know many things at that point.  Of course.  I think of that moment a lot, is my point.  I know that on certain matters we disagree, and on other matters you feel like I betrayed you.  No.  I did what I believed was best for all people, not one.  The idea that some are chosen and some are not is what gets us into these messes.  Equality is what is needed, and instead of the shoulder to shoulder I wrote of so many times, i was thrust into a role that I never wanted. 

I do not know the state of affairs.   I do not know if you have gotten over this racial barrier, if you are feeling like only a few people get to live still, or what...  I know I sure see a lot of stuff.  Like HEART INDUSTRIES on the BLOOD RACE or whatever the show was, where only the cop lived.   I saw the batman and how superman was going to commit suicide and then is saved by batman.  Batman had nothing to do with it.  You lie and lie and lie.  Masonic shit I do not care about.  I will not join your club of secrecy, though I sure would like to know what you are doing for my own edification.   I know there are some good people in these organizations, or whatever...  though they know where I come from now, and whether they are with me or against me, I have no idea.  I walk this earth alone, especially now that you put me in a spotlight.  When you accused me of asking for that torture I wanted to kill you so bad, yo you ma.   I have to forgive people... one moment you liked me, the next we were enemies, and all because you people never told me what was happening.   As soon as you did I tried my best to stop it,, but I sure as hell did not know what I was doing.

I have just been getting educated so far.  At this point, I write that I am pissed at people and want blood, but that is not really true, I suppose.  I do not need revenge, much as I want it...  lust for it..  the monster in me screams for blood.  I will not however allow you to slander people, calling them fallen angels, when in fact they are the victims of intelligence using religion and cults for their own purposes.  I have no idea what I am.  I do not know how much of me is created by them, or God.  I know I have seen miracles, and had very bizarre experiences over the years.   I also know I was brainwashed...  at the same time, what if I did start to grow wings... why else would they give me all that chemotherapy...  why....  wings.  Makes sense if they used alien dna.  or whatever.

I do not care what is true or not as far as the mystical is concerned, I love my God of love.  I love my God of the Golden Rule, who I saw in a vision the night I saw myself destroying the earth.   Where did that come from... was it inserted, do they have the ability to make you dream such things... I do not think so.

I am not going to back down no matter what you do.  I see Fox messing with me.  I also think, you have no idea when I lied to you and when I told you the truth... and I did mess with you, thinking only spies saw me.  The feeling of mortification that fills me at the thought off being seen by all those people sickens me.  I am very private.  To be paraded in front of the world at my very worst, as my world fell apart and I was alice in wonderland.  First you made me a pirate, when I would not accept stolen money or blood money, you thought I was crazy... went ahead and became pirates.   I had no idea what you were doing behind my back, though I saw signs that terrified me all the time.  Hated the red eye saying TOTAL RECALL when I began to remember being Christ.   I was a long way from knowing what that means, or the place of such a being in this world.  God is the word, and the word is God.
Not actions.  Words.  Words which propel, or stop, action.  Premeditation before action...

I am tired of seeing Ophra and obama together.  Is he a Nazi, too?  Is that what happened...  God, the thought sickens me, though..  I guess they all try to get along.  That is what is best, keep the common goal in mind... as long as it is remembered that various voices will decide the future, not one.  No one is supreme, or chosen.

I assumed you knew all these things because I wrote them, then come to find out that you saw me bitching at the spies.. I guess I began doing that in my writing, too...

YOUR PEOPLE ARE AFRAID

i HEARD one night and I crumbled inside, saying you have nothing to fear from me....  I had no idea what was going on out there.  And then the idiots in the CIA decided to make me the sacrificial lamb...  hide all of their actions behind this evil guy who did these things.  Do you really think one person could have done this... Lord, it was planned, not some huge revolution about religion. 

I was going crazy and wanted to be left alone, but then violence entered in.  Had I known what I wrote about Jeb Bush would cause him harm I never would have said such a thing.  I would not operate like that...  I wanted everyone forgiven...  then Bush wanted to crown me Christ, and I thought he was crowning himself.   I could not even conceive of wanting those things, or to be king of the world, or the emperor.  When I heard the report of a man dying to get on the news THE emperor wants Colorado, I would have vehemently denied this if I had known you were taking clues from me.  They did not want me calling for a revolution, that took them by surprise, put a chink in operation bluebeam having me go along, or go along as a Christ who was here to say the church is perfect.  i WOULD NOT be here if I did not have something to say, or would not be exposed.  However dangerous that became. 

You can think of me what you want.  I cannot really care about that, though I do...  it cannot effect me unless it is something that I need to change.

There is nothing I can do if my reputation is gone.  I would not want anything to happen if people looked at me as someone to worship, or a person who wants to tell them how to live..   I could not believe there was a cult, when I hated cults so much, all my life, would never have used one, and there I was.   Or perhaps some had waited their entire lives for me to become something.   I feel I have become something as I write, feel the presence of God in the room, and the universes around me, the complexity...

ONCE

twenty twenty
with flashes of existential insight
the only understanding I have
the moment a blur in the footage


I used to write we were all raised in a maze
rat who never knew there was world outside
UNTIL I BIT the hand that fed me
Changed everything
they put me in a cage
and I saw others in cages as well


In my dreams I see humans in cages
some hauled off to die
one woman yelled I only spit on the sidewalk


I wake to knowledge much worse than
I have ever dreamt
for awhile I said OH GOD
the second I awoke every morning
to the nightmare of the intelligence world
what I had heard the day before
waking to the nightmare is not unique
happens all over the world and I am humbled
enough to know my life is a luxury compared to most
though nothing at all to the hoarding rich
counting on their stacks of Gold to defend
them against change
to buy the best soldiers
use the best psy ops
own the right people

The world wanted a God
came to me
as the mission called for
when I wrote in the voice of Jesus
calling out for a being
that I would not pretend to be


I had my mind raped by a brainwashing
three days blank to me and agnostic
to a man in touch with God....
in a trance writing religious poetry
in the voice off a pissed off Jesus


I was kept sealed in a room of lies
spies all around me who would reveal nothing
couldn't
had orders
I found out there was mayhem because of my words
on television and people passing in the streets
double meanings some places
in sealed off chicago they watched me gut
the conservative racists who let me get close enough
with my confused and THANKFULLY God chosen ways
allowed me to fuck things up
that was my job
to stop the machinery in place


I was a puppet for people
who would not reveal their intentions
because they knew
I would not follow orders
that I would follow my morals
many feared this
because our work was horrifying
beyond what you would ever see in a horror movie
no one would go as far as they did
their only audience would be the psychopaths
who see this as war
not just a senseless slaughter


I grew into a bloody monster
to fight them on common ground
to show them the consequences
in a way that would echo down the generations
now sealed away
in cia files
for fifty years
and also seen all over the world
because the mission was more of a success
than the enemy has any clue


I was
Used to push the races apart when my objective
was always the opposite, since my earliest memories


You did not count on the morality inside of me already
you idiotically took my writing to mean I lacked morals
when my morality puts yours to shame as you now know
because you have none
 though you use it to harm others
destroy their reputations


I lived with cameras for six years
they took revolting footage of me all the time
saw things
I wanted private
to rebel I lived as I would without them
i told myself/ thought that was impossible


when they released pornographic footage of me
allowed that to go everywhere


bewildered and blind
lashing out at people
who were murdered
when I meant only to debate their words
vent my anger
my sorrow for tommy smothers
and all he represents
his face I loved like his brothers
heroes of mine since childhood
he came out against what a brave man would
I had no idea what he was criticizing
just knew it had to do with my slogan
total war for total peace
his brother told me two years ago
tommy was dead, not retired...
as they say


most of the dead I have no faces for
I know their representatives
who live
a few celebrities who died because
they got in the middle of the psy op war
or offended a lot of the wrong people
one enslaved who was able to tell me
with a hit tv show
how many he represented I never knew
when he was freed from the man who bought them
he thanked me and dissed the cops
who let that kind of things slide with the elite
the Scots went in with extreme measures
helped by the marines
I told them to kill the slave owners
and give their property to the slaves
I have no idea what they really did


They were so worried I would talk
Underestimated what I do not know
and my skill at editing what will only cause more trouble
though now
that I know
my words can kill
and you have shown me evil
I will not turn away from
I have to use what I have
this is what my allies and soldiers
ask of me


I feel guilt when I think of
living in a fortress city
while others did what they were told
I wanted
as they watched a guy
they were told was an angel or god
or a demi god or jesus or a charlatan
who was causing problems
or the result of operation bluebeam
leaving their Jesus
alive
fearing the unthinkable
should they attack
at first
then finding me useful


I am attacked by the right all the time
my hidden stories addressed in ways no one
who is not in on it would get
inside jokes that are not jokes at all
that speak of hellish matters
I asked Jerrry Seinfeld's father how
he could give me this news
on a show and still laugh as he did it
he told me acting
I was devasted.


They have such control of television
I am more ignorant about what went on around me
than I understand. The little I know
left me with enough knowledge
to see politics is simply
how one group uses their power
other groups use theirs in different ways
they are criminals, deadly
KUBRICK said stay away from power...
it is dangerous
I was given power after this by communist
who share more with me politically than the groups
I met in the underground
all who tried to claim me

I was proud and honored though confused
by those who wanted me to lead them
I had no idea I was being held hostage
that there were racial issues involved
in an underground world I KNEW NOTHING ABOUT
though I was expected to know
asked questions about
that I could not answer
I have been shown what I can
and seemingly cannot do



I have no urge to piss people off
for no good reason
anymore

I will not quit writing about those who died
they deserve at least one poet to sing their song
though I am sure others
kept from me
are doing the same
after they destroyed the religious people
in detroit after driving them mad
with alleged orders from your mafia god
emperor... who told you at every turn
this is not who I am
showed you on an illicit camera from
which I had no escape
that is not who I am


I was willing to do whatever
I could to help this world
I still am
a hopeless man berift of interests
that compare to working
on the life and death matters
life and man and maybe GOD?
have asked for my help with

I did not want what I did not earn
most people do not care how they get
they accused me of hating power and money
like these were horrible things
They accused me of wanting
to kill all the blue bloods
steal their stuff
give it to my crazy followers
They tell me tales of cannabalism
orders to kill humans and kill themselves
my words taken out of the context
used in ways I would not have dreamt of
the comedy got me the platform
the offer of the radio show and movie making
came from this
the movement

I meant to start
woud help unions
help stop the war
get pot legalized
tell the kids about the left
as the democrats betrayed them
lead marches
my handlers wanted the world
believed in this angel this Christ.
some/I believed
to the extent my politics became lost
in a dream of bringing peace and freedom
thru war


I went from wanting to run a peaceful
campaign leading to revolutionary changes
to finding ou that the world I operated in
did not exist.... there was a hidden, real world
available with just a few words as the key
my plan meant nothing there
they murderred the peaceful
protest signs against mercenaries
highly trained and skilled at mass killings


backed by an efficent method
of disposing of all the bodies piling up
seth rogen made a film about sausages
I cannot watch it
I saw his this is the end
where the character based on me
the guy who everyone saw masterbate
appalling me enough I lost forty pounds
could not eat
sickened by everyone's reaction
still under the delusion that the people
monitoring me were enemies, spies
who else would do this to me?
I thought at the time
not knowing they were stealing
free will from people
who I cared about
as I do for those who
see something compelling
in my writing

my readers who others told
I wished them to dress certain ways
take a vision I had of returning to spirit
and how the angels who greet me nod silently
which I meant happened after death
to making people think there were angels
no matter how bad they acted
to become mute

OH COME ON
is the name of David Crosses new tour
he refers to me in the first joke
misquotes me and lies about me
or misunderstands my message?

I was not impressed with the strength of the Jews
do not think they secretly run the world
some are part of the oligarchy
so are white Christian raised people
they are all green a morals to me

I cannot tell anymore how the Jews see me
I have acted in ways that...
defy any associations I have
I always will


difference is now I do not care
if we think differently
as long as we act as one
against an enemy
who may have already won


I write on and on everyday
about the same things
thinking often of how Obama himself
mocked me for saying I LOVE EVERYONE
he had seen my critical writing
had no idea what was going on
in my heart and head and soul

I despise what humans do
though I never kid myself into thinking
I am all that much better
I just hope some poor bastard does not try
to reinvent the tire in that particular manner


In God's eye
I look the same
as you in the end
for all I know
souls
that struggle thru the unimaginable
to find love

Deep Stirrings

I feel lightening and fire low in my gut
ready to explode and flow across the planet
turn earth and sky into death

still feel like I am only a bomb
the messenger of worlds end
bringer of freedom for all spirits to fly

a message of forgiveness for everywhere

 a conformation you are soul and can be
unencumbered by the gravity of life
sucking us back here
again and again

is this a soul trap I wondered once
that gives us a harsh life
until it dies
all for reasons I cannot begin to dream of
or random chaos in a mess of space
bits of matter coalescing throughout infinite time
into every conceivable form
our lives on earth one fleeting spark in the dark of space
unseen and gone as if we never happened
molecules that gathered once now adrift
never again to assume the same patterns
in infinity
where everything can forever begin anew

the religions wanted me once
Now they call me a fallen angel
though I denied being an angel from the start
I wish I had never uttered the word
wish I had never made the mistake of making people believe
I wished their lives regimented by me
HAD i KNOWN

Echoes forever in my mind
I am never far from mourning and regret and horror

I think of all the blood spilled by my ignorance
you kept me imprisoned
for reasons I never suspected

I could not accept who i am to you
I tried to see myself as you did and am blinded
by the horrors I remember when the sword was picked up
and those I merely meant to criticize fell victim
to people who took the revolution I wrote of
to be theocracy

The Jesus in me was a rebel against you all
And the intrusions made into my life by hollywood
and television ...  God, had I known you were broadcasting me

when I found out I went crazy

it was the sight of me in my green robe standing in front of my dresser
set in the only empty spot in the apartment
that drove home to me that all along average people
were watching me
not just spies
or....

worshiping me
and they were racking in the money
I thought I might get some of that until I found out
what I was famous for
atrocities under my watch
failure to give orders when asked
infamous

Still I went out in the end and fought for the president
who thought he was my enemy
or was in the secret world I knew nothing about

You gave me years of hints and used my life until
I just gave up on the two ever
meeting, the tv world and my real life
there were unsettling moments
like the summer differently dressed people were showing up in the park
I had said something about people being brought in to meet me if they wanted
but it had to be everyone not just rich people
at the time I believed and knew most of the time
still drifting in and out of the Christ
becoming
took ten years
a decade
because my teachers were afraid to impart their secrets

U gave me a choice
said here is the way the world works
come on in
but know you gonna see shit
 you can do nothing about
from your mansion on the hill

I decided to turn away from your Gold and look up into the skies
knowing there is another watching
seeing
there will be another day
when this moment is forgotten
I am clean
gravitating toward a force of love
far from here
I did what was morally right and was mocked
burn the money I told them
wishing to show this world is temporary
make a statement
I had no idea how much money was there
was thinking too irrationally
to realize much good could have been done
too uninformed
too invested in fighting
the people bugging me
putting my life on tv
I hated that
to think
my
life
was
watched
I made the best of it
I rise to the occasion to survive
I would never subject a human
to such torture
when you said I wanted that
I wanted to kill you so bad
I still feel hate when I think of this
I did not understand at the time why
at on point yo you ma liked me
and the next turned on me
you kept me so ignorant


I felt for awhile like there is a path to God
with enemies along the way
that a shepherd was needed to get there
before the big bang
now
freed perhaps
because of the pain of your planets
the sympathy of a God
done in his time from a place with no time
a God who sends
a bit of a helper
out

who gets called a son
though unworthy in a way
you will only understand when you see
what I have seen
the immensity of the physical apparition
given as an icon
created as a machine
I have no idea
maybe a higher form
created a place of refuge for souls

another mystery out there
though one that would no longer bother us
the love left saying more then we could ever understand
we know